Bell Cheeses at work

[dazzer6666]

Noise is on a bit of a MISSION today - BUSTLE dial, up to 10. She's decided the office needs a 'good sort out'. It doesn't. Its fine.

Bustle, bustle, bustle, siiiiiiiigh, bustle, bustle. "Do we really need THIS?" (Yes)
"Shall I get rid of THIS?" (No)
"Do you think the desks are laid out right?" (Yes)
"If mine moved there, and... " (Just **** off and make some tea, would you?)

As for Crisps, she's very quiet this week, since 'ReversingIntoHRDirector'sCarGATE'. There's news on that though, which is 100% going to lead to future nonsense:

All second hand info, via WorkshopLad (she doesn't speak a word to me, except for essential work, because she KNOWS). Anyway - turns out Crisps' partner 'can fix that'. 'Save anyone losing their no-claims or anything'. So she's managed to talk HRD into letting her (absolute FREAK of a ) partner, loose on her three year old Audi A3. Apparently is 'just the plastic bumper' which can be 'sorted no problem'. From one quick glance, there is DEFINITELY no further damage, to the chassis, support bars, etc. DEFINITELY.

Brilliant. We haven’t heard the last of this [emoji16][emoji16][emoji16]

 

[Perry Milkins]

Quarterly meeting coming up. We are asked to nominate a victim to present to the community.

A 'Deep Dive' on what we do!

 

[Beach Hut]

On an ITSO call - Techie Town grrrr

 

[Sirnormangall]

Quarterly meeting coming up. We are asked to nominate a victim to present to the community.

A 'Deep Dive' on what we do!

Would that be a deep dive requiring granular output?

 

[looney]

Sometimes when I feel down I read this to cheer myself up and realise life isn't that bad.

I find this and the Trump thread comedy gold, the irony and lack of self awareness is hilarious, to me. For example, in a lot of companies crisp woman would be moved, warned or fired even. entertaining but also reflects the lack of power. leverage or respect the posters have in this thread. Wait untill the low IQ SJW's end up working in HR departments en mass, this thread will be like a blaze at a fireworks factory.

 

[beorhthelm]

Haha, trying to justify them....you know what you are, don’t you [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23] [emoji931] [emoji893]

Why would the concept only apply to IT or manufacturing out of interest ? Wouldn’t a ‘small task’ apply to, say, a minor change in operating procedures for example ? I’m sure some of the PM knobjockeys we seem to employ could find a way of using them..........but only if they were allowed to use the wankwords

it would be good for changing procedures, if you have ones that need frequent review and change, but usually businesses dont on a day to day basis, or if you do somethings wrong with the output of the process.

 

[Dave the OAP]

The customer ordered a 10 gig service because they want to pass up to 10 gig of data. Common sense would tell you that if you've set your kit to 1 gig, it isn't going to pass 10 gig.
This isn't consumer broadband.

I'm with you on this one mate!

 

[Perry Milkins]

Would that be a deep dive requiring granular output?

Crikey a new level of consultancygook.

 

[dazzer6666]

I find this and the Trump thread comedy gold, the irony and lack of self awareness is hilarious, to me. For example, in a lot of companies crisp woman would be moved, warned or fired even. entertaining but also reflects the lack of power. leverage or respect the posters have in this thread. Wait untill the low IQ SJW's end up working in HR departments en mass, this thread will be like a blaze at a fireworks factory.

They already do in our place. I could start a whole new thread on what that bunch of clowns do (or don’t do, or how they do it)

 

[Biker-Marty]

Does anyone elses company have the dreaded 'huddle boards'?
Where every day every team (we have about 20) have to get up in front of their own team board and talk through the succeses and issues of the day, followed by a huddle review with questions like 'was everyone standing and paying attention (No), did everyone contribute (No).
Complete waste of 15 minutes for everyone concerned.

As someone who likes as little interaction with fellow team members as possible it's particularly painful when having to go through the daily issues (same as yesterday), and plans for the coming day (same as yesterday).

Please say its not just my company? Actually I was visiting my father in law in hospital last week and saw they had huddle boards as well!

Yes, happens at my place of work too.

See all the teams, every morning, standing around these silly triangular whiteboards.

Fortunately, work in a different building to my team, so don't have to participate.

Know my Job inside out, so get a message telling me what to get on with. Far more sensible way of doing things.

 

[WhingForPresident]

I have this guy that sits behind me that seems to have a different ring-tone for every person, which are actual songs that play on full blast. His phone goes off literally every 5 minutes every day and he sometimes lets them ring and ring to let the songs play- I think he is hoping that people will comment on how great his shitty songs are. I can't guarantee that I'm not going to snap and strangle him with a USB cable or **** him with my cafetiere at some point today.

The thought that he has spent time on assigning these different songs to different people is hilarious and sad in equal measure.

 

[Titanic]

Would that be a deep dive requiring granular output?

Our preferred follow-up to a 'deep dive' is often a 'drains up'. This frequently involves fecal solids and air-conditioning in close proximity.

 

[DavidRyder]

There's a woman behind me, that in the last 8 working days has said 'Long story short' 6 times when talking to her colleagues. It's the way she says it too, in a sort of 'I'm cool, young, in the media' sort of way. Just gets on my nerves! In the previous year, I've not heard her say it once.

 

[Lower West Stander]

Our preferred follow-up to a 'deep dive' is often a 'drains up'. This frequently involves fecal solids and air-conditioning in close proximity.

Only if you "offer a Segway into that particular opportunity set".

Rather worryingly I've found myself using the phrase "net net" a lot recently. My girlfriend didn't understand what I was talking about when I used it at home. Is this just financial markets bellcheesery or is it used across other professions too?

 

[Curious Orange]

Rather worryingly I've found myself using the phrase "net net" a lot recently. My girlfriend didn't understand what I was talking about when I used it at home. Is this just financial markets bellcheesery or is it used across other professions too?

Never heard of that one, I think you might be in a spot of bother there!

 

[Easy 10]

There's a bloke I work with who starts almost every conversational sentence about ANYTHING with "I'm not being funny, but...."


No.

You're not.

 

[SouthCoastOwl]

One of my colleagues has started missing the last adjective or verb out of sentences and replacing them with the word absolutely......... "we've got to be absolutely" or "it has to be absolutely".................we're nearly at the tipping point when I go off on one......"Absolutely F***ing what? For crying out loud finish your F***ing sentences, unless you're agreeing with someone, finishing a sentence with the word "absolutely" makes no F***ing sense whatsoever"

Of course we all know I'll probably say absolutely nothing.

 

[Dick Swiveller]

Only if you "offer a Segway into that particular opportunity set".

Rather worryingly I've found myself using the phrase "net net" a lot recently. My girlfriend didn't understand what I was talking about when I used it at home. Is this just financial markets bellcheesery or is it used across other professions too?

Did you mean segue or does your firm constantly offer people one of these?



Sounds expensive.

 

[clarkey]

Rather worryingly I've found myself using the phrase "net net" a lot recently. My girlfriend didn't understand what I was talking about when I used it at home. Is this just financial markets bellcheesery or is it used across other professions too?

I hear that one a lot. Work in finance, not financial markets. I may have completely misunderstood, but "net net" just seems to mean, well, "net".

 

[Sirnormangall]

Our preferred follow-up to a 'deep dive' is often a 'drains up'. This frequently involves fecal solids and air-conditioning in close proximity.

and presumably a bull in close proximity too. I’ll get back to my swim lanes........