I personally don't get involved in huddles, as always ends up in "who was on the sauce last night then?"
I'm sure they would otherwise be great fun tho'...........
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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
I personally don't get involved in huddles, as always ends up in "who was on the sauce last night then?"
I'm sure they would otherwise be great fun tho'...........
SpongebobSquarepants
Well-known member
Erm yes!
spongy
Well-known member
How do you guys work in these environments? They sound like torture. The money must be good to deal with it. Or lots of attractive females.
I work in a machining workshop. We swear at each other when someone ****s up. We ALWAYS argue back with management even if in some weird random scenario it was our fault.
We only wash spoons when they're stuck to the worktop.
Anything can be kept in the fridge. For as long as it is deemed necessary. There is tub of lurpak in one fridge that expired in 2011 but no one is brave enough to open it so it sits there bulging. Opening the fridge is the days biggest challenge at that end of the workshop.
Although we do argue about who leaves coffee blobs in the sugar pot (it can't be hard to shake a spoon off before delving in the sugar can it?).
We have pictures of naked ladies from 1994 with big hairy bushes stuck on the fridge that no one dares take down.
I'm allowed to drink from a cup that says "**** off and tell someone who gives a shit" in full view of everyone who ever walks in without fear of reprisal.
If I haven't called my boss a cockjugglingthundercunt at least once a day he asks if everything is ok.
I only have to stand by the door to smoke a fag. Not a 3 minute walk to the arse end of nowhere to stand in a rickety shed in the pissing rain.
Sometimes when I feel down I read this to cheer myself up and realise life isn't that bad.
I work in a machining workshop. We swear at each other when someone ****s up. We ALWAYS argue back with management even if in some weird random scenario it was our fault.
We only wash spoons when they're stuck to the worktop.
Anything can be kept in the fridge. For as long as it is deemed necessary. There is tub of lurpak in one fridge that expired in 2011 but no one is brave enough to open it so it sits there bulging. Opening the fridge is the days biggest challenge at that end of the workshop.
Although we do argue about who leaves coffee blobs in the sugar pot (it can't be hard to shake a spoon off before delving in the sugar can it?).
We have pictures of naked ladies from 1994 with big hairy bushes stuck on the fridge that no one dares take down.
I'm allowed to drink from a cup that says "**** off and tell someone who gives a shit" in full view of everyone who ever walks in without fear of reprisal.
If I haven't called my boss a cockjugglingthundercunt at least once a day he asks if everything is ok.
I only have to stand by the door to smoke a fag. Not a 3 minute walk to the arse end of nowhere to stand in a rickety shed in the pissing rain.
Sometimes when I feel down I read this to cheer myself up and realise life isn't that bad.
If you're in IT or manufacturing - that is if you are trying to move small tasks in to production on a regular basis - then they are part of the deal these days. We have one (software company) and they are very useful for deciding what is the next priority and when we should do system builds and testing. This in turn was borrowed from the Japanese car industry. If you have one and you're not in IT or manufacturing you're doing it wrong.
What shouldn't be part of the deal is all the w**k words associated with them, presumably through a "best selling" book out of a US College. In "true" agile development huddles you can apparently have "Pigs and Chickens" (sorry no idea) and "speech tokens". Luckily I run ours and if anyone was to start that sort of shit I'd send them off to the breakroom. We've taken the strict theory out of it and we simply use it to track when a task will be done, something I need to report to my boss regularly anyway.
Haha, trying to justify them....you know what you are, don’t you [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23] [emoji931] [emoji893]
Why would the concept only apply to IT or manufacturing out of interest ? Wouldn’t a ‘small task’ apply to, say, a minor change in operating procedures for example ? I’m sure some of the PM knobjockeys we seem to employ could find a way of using them..........but only if they were allowed to use the wankwords
I really will turn in to the thread bellcheese if I answer that
In terms of software and tech you really won't get a job in the next couple of years if you're not prepared to work in an "agile" environment that includes a board. It's use it or starve for me.
At the risk of getting flamed they're really for breaking down large deliveries in to small tasks so I'm sure your Business Change team will be chomping at the bit to do it but all it wlll give them is some post its on a board and a resentful team and, yes, some wankwords. I'm so lucky that my PM in my first proper job in a software house was a rugby playing ex-military man with the same line in banter as [MENTION=20792]spongy[/MENTION] 's colleagues. It allows me to see straight through the chancers and they usually don't last long.
I really will turn in to the thread bellcheese if I answer that
In terms of software and tech you really won't get a job in the next couple of years if you're not prepared to work in an "agile" environment that includes a board. It's use it or starve for me.
At the risk of getting flamed they're really for breaking down large deliveries in to small tasks so I'm sure your Business Change team will be chomping at the bit to do it but all it wlll give them is some post its on a board and a resentful team and, yes, some wankwords. I'm so lucky that my PM in my first proper job in a software house was a rugby playing ex-military man with the same line in banter as [MENTION=20792]spongy[/MENTION] 's colleagues. It allows me to see straight through the chancers and they usually don't last long.
Haha, almost fell into the trap [emoji3][emoji3]
The Change team already have a white board covered in post-it notes, wankwords and a resentful team. That is, in fact, all they have [emoji23][emoji23]
SpongebobSquarepants
Well-known member
I'm not in IT or manufacturing. I will pay more attention today and give you some feedback as to any particular exampl of bell cheesery
Iggle Piggle
Well-known member
- Sep 3, 2010
- 5,967
- Thread starter
- #3,269
Todays generic mail
3. Biodiversity – As part of our ongoing biodiversity plans for XXXX, we are hoping to create an ‘Insect Hotel’. This will be a structure created to provide shelter for insects. An insect hotel offers free accommodation to its occupants. In return, when it's time to check out they'll be right on site to go about their pollination and pest predation. If you feel you could help us with this, please contact XXX
I'll upload a picture of our 'Wild Flower Garden' at some point. This is a small area of weeds surrounded by concrete.
3. Biodiversity – As part of our ongoing biodiversity plans for XXXX, we are hoping to create an ‘Insect Hotel’. This will be a structure created to provide shelter for insects. An insect hotel offers free accommodation to its occupants. In return, when it's time to check out they'll be right on site to go about their pollination and pest predation. If you feel you could help us with this, please contact XXX
I'll upload a picture of our 'Wild Flower Garden' at some point. This is a small area of weeds surrounded by concrete.
'Pigs' are the ones doing the work, 'Chickens' are observers, usually other stakeholders. They can come to the stand-up but they can't contribute, just listen. It comes from a 'joke':
A pig and a chicken are walking down the road, when the chicken says:
"Hey, this would be a great place for a restaurant. Why don't we open one together?"
The pig agrees, and then asks: "What food should we serve?"
The chicken replies "Ham and eggs"
The pig shakes its head.
"Naa. I'd be committed but you'd only have an interest."
Am I the only one, genuinely, who thinks Agile is good? Is this just a developer thing?
No problem with ‘Agile’ conceptually, but like many things it’s largely common sense and a practical of working, dressed up with fancy bullshit words and sold as something ‘new’ at huge cost.
jonnyrovers
mostly tinpot
About a decade ago in the NHS the ‘productive’ movement was championed, for example ‘productive ward’ or ‘productive theatre’.
The idea was basically that we were to spend enormous amounts of time doing peer reviews, time & motion studies, role appraisals etc that would allow us to streamline, increase efficiency, improve safety in our departments.
I invested 6 weeks of my teams time, away from clinical duties, to arrive at the pathetic conclusion that we could not possibly streamline further without impacting on safety & quality, and that the clinical equipment store was too far away from the clinical environment, a point I’d been making for two and a half years anyway!
I called in to say hello a couple of years after moving on & the store room remains where it always was.
So, probably like agile, we were already doing ‘productive ward’ without knowing, but someone from NHS England dreamt up a tinpot campaign and furnished it with w@@kwords etc.
It absolutely goes without saying that for the couple of months we ran the project I was 100% the Bell Cheese at Work. You live & learn.
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Curious Orange
Punxsatawney Phil
"Agile", in development terms it pretty much means making it up as you go along, and to not worry too much about whether it is tested properly.
Peter Grummit
Well-known member
Sorry guys but discussing the merits and demerits of business processes on this thread is BellCheesery in its own right.
Back on your heads, please...
Back on your heads, please...
No, it's the exact opposite. And the Testers are part of the team and work closely with the developers.
Anyway, I think PG above has a point. Maybe we should start an 'Agile' thread and keep this for Crisp lady etc?
Agreed (second point)
I've never known anything exactly like that but, years ago, I was involved in producing a yearbook for a publishing company. The company had left it late and I was brought in to produce a 300 page book in a little over two months: that's writing, editing and laying out the whole thing from scratch (including setting up the templates). It was a nightmare job and I reckoned that it would be something like six 90-hour weeks to do it.
After a couple of weeks, the office manager sent me an edict that every day, I had to go to her office and explain what I'd done that day and what I expected to do the next day. I was already working incredibly long days so having an hour out of my schedule was one big ball-ache. The book was eventually done on time, I thought no more of it, I pocketed my money and wandered to the next job.
A few years later, I was invited to a reunion at this company and was talking to the office manager. She then confessed that she'd only insisted on so many meetings because she fancied me and it was the only excuse she could think of to get me to her office. But, of course, I had no inkling of this and I thought she was an officious pain in the arse.
Of all the bell-cheese things to do ..
Indeed. When I saw the updates to this thread this morning, I thought I was in for a treat of stories of chubsters bringing in fad foods and PMs sending bullshit emails at 3am. Instead, I'm reading about the pros and cons of agile.
#BringBackNoiseMachineAndCrispsMonster
Noise is on a bit of a MISSION today - BUSTLE dial, up to 10. She's decided the office needs a 'good sort out'. It doesn't. Its fine.
Bustle, bustle, bustle, siiiiiiiigh, bustle, bustle. "Do we really need THIS?" (Yes)
"Shall I get rid of THIS?" (No)
"Do you think the desks are laid out right?" (Yes)
"If mine moved there, and... " (Just **** off and make some tea, would you?)
As for Crisps, she's very quiet this week, since 'ReversingIntoHRDirector'sCarGATE'. There's news on that though, which is 100% going to lead to future nonsense:
All second hand info, via WorkshopLad (she doesn't speak a word to me, except for essential work, because she KNOWS). Anyway - turns out Crisps' partner 'can fix that'. 'Save anyone losing their no-claims or anything'. So she's managed to talk HRD into letting her (absolute FREAK of a ) partner, loose on her three year old Audi A3. Apparently is 'just the plastic bumper' which can be 'sorted no problem'. From one quick glance, there is DEFINITELY no further damage, to the chassis, support bars, etc. DEFINITELY.
That's more like it. Well played
This reversing incident has DEFINITELY got more legs. I'm looking forward to hearing about the SHODDY repair job.