Bell Cheeses at work

[seagully]

I assume they didn't assess the people in the office who F******* HATE DOGS.

Why is there this assumption by so many people that everyone LOVES having dogs around? You express the fact that you really don't like the smelly, noisy, stupid animals and people think there's something wrong with you.


At least someone agrees with me in the comments section:

"For those of us who don't like dogs it wouldn't reduce stress at all, rather it would significantly increase it. For truly cynophobic people it would be a significant increase in stress and distraction.

We may be "a nation of animal lovers", but not necessarily everyone and all animals."

Couldn't agree more. I don't mind dogs but not at flipping WORK!

 

[cheshunt seagull]

I find these stories a bit baffling to be honest, not saying your making it up here either but I have seen loads of people shown the door for way less than you describe here. 2 questions spring to mind. what kind of complaints or discipline procedure do you have and what makes her think she can get away with it?

This was over 20 years ago and people could get away with inappropriate behaviour much more easily then than would be the case now. In those days if you raised a complaint about the behaviour of a colleague it was often ignored by line management.

 

[Postman Pat]

'The Martyr' has arrived in the office today with an eye infection in both eyes, she looks like she is one of Stan Collymore's ex-girlfriends.

She had to come in as she has a couple of meetings and 'couldn't miss them'. I suggested maybe that coming into the office like that wasn't a great idea 2 days before xmas, but she insisted her presence in the meetings was far more important than the chance she is going to ruin everyone else's Christmas break by making them all ill.

Anyone got a spare Hazmat suit I can borrow?

 

[Cian]

'The Martyr' has arrived in the office today with an eye infection in both eyes, she looks like she is one of Stan Collymore's ex-girlfriends.

She had to come in as she has a couple of meetings and 'couldn't miss them'. I suggested maybe that coming into the office like that wasn't a great idea 2 days before xmas, but she insisted her presence in the meetings was far more important than the chance she is going to ruin everyone else's Christmas break by making them all ill.

Anyone got a spare Hazmat suit I can borrow?

Make damn sure not to touch anything she's touched..

 

[Badger]

'The Martyr' has arrived in the office today with an eye infection in both eyes, she looks like she is one of Stan Collymore's ex-girlfriends.

She had to come in as she has a couple of meetings and 'couldn't miss them'. I suggested maybe that coming into the office like that wasn't a great idea 2 days before xmas, but she insisted her presence in the meetings was far more important than the chance she is going to ruin everyone else's Christmas break by making them all ill.

Anyone got a spare Hazmat suit I can borrow?

I assume your office doesn't have the facility for her to TELEPHONE in to the meetings. I can understand the problem with that though, some people in the office might not have been made aware that she was working TIRELESSLY despite the eye infection.


We've got the "stand in" dog in the office today, it seems to have been given free rein to go anywhere it likes. I'm hoping it will quickly learn that coming near me will not result in it getting any attention or treats.

 

[Flex Your Head]

I know I’m late to the conversation, but having read through the thread, it is glaringly obvious that pretty much every office that their very own version of the wretched ‘bubbly’ fat woman. Unfortunately, my office is no different. These are her main characteristics and traits:

Unnecessarily loud and ‘bubbly’; will offer the whole office a “good morning” in a loud 'cheerful' voice whilst extending the vowels – “gooood moooorniiing”.

Sneezes loudly and dramatically; everyone ignores her sneezing but mutters curses between clenched teeth. However, whenever anyone else sneezes, she shouts out a loud and ‘jovial’ “bless yooooou!”

Does very little work; she was the assistant to a very busy relationship manager (RM) but seemingly browsed the internet or played Patience all effing day long. One of my colleagues pointed this out to the RM and everyone ended up chipping in with their own little story of her laziness and ineffectiveness. Eventually, action was taken and she is now just a general assistant rather than working directly with an RM. This, of course, gives her even more freedom to do exactly what she wants all day – fanny around online. Stupid stupid company.

Turn up to any social event; in the 3 years I’ve known her, she has been single for all but two months last year. This evidently means that she has very little going on outside work as she will turn up to any event, even when it involves people she has absolutely no working relationship with. Someone’s leaving drink, birthday party, wetting the baby’s head, spontaneous pub session… she will turn up and attempt to ingratiate herself before invariably getting pissed and making lascivious comments and cackling like a witch.

She has proclaimed several times ‘I get really horny when I’m drunk’; she will intrude on people’s conversations, and if there is some office flirting going on, barge in whilst her voice gets all trembly and breathless like some sketch-show caricature. She’s like a fat, ugly female version of Vic Reeves rubbing his legs whilst staring at someone attractive.

She has to be the one to organise ‘fun’; Children in Need, Comic Relief, monthly charity days, Easter, Christmas, whatever, she will be involved in arranging or, at very least, actively partaking in every event. One team here on the 5th floor, who we have very loose associations with, had a jolly old Christmas Jumper competition last week. She invited herself along and won. Anyone would think she had been presented with an Oscar or Nobel prize such was her loud, vociferous, ridiculously misplaced pride.

Today she is wandering around, doing no work as per norm, digging into the various tins of Roses and Quality Street, singing half lines from festive songs; “…munch slobber slurp… let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…”
She is taking great delight in demonstrating the ‘hilarious’ Santa hat she has treated herself to. When a button is pressed, the pointy bit swings from side to side whilst some distorted, tinny piece of crappy Christmas music blares forth. She has shown everyone, and every time, she is the only one who laughs at how wacky, zany and plain ker-azy the funny hat is.

I am angry. I shouldn’t be writing this as (disappointingly) I’m actually bloody busy. But this is cathartic and will hopefully prevent me from attacking her with, at best sharp words, at worst a pair of scissors and Sellotape dispenser.

I hate her.

Would it be wrong of me to try and get a picture of her and post it on here?

 

[Badger]

I know I’m late to the conversation, but having read through the thread, it is glaringly obvious that pretty much every office that their very own version of the wretched ‘bubbly’ fat woman. Unfortunately, my office is no different. These are her main characteristics and traits:

Unnecessarily loud and ‘bubbly’; will offer the whole office a “good morning” in a loud 'cheerful' voice whilst extending the vowels – “gooood moooorniiing”.

Sneezes loudly and dramatically; everyone ignores her sneezing but mutters curses between clenched teeth. However, whenever anyone else sneezes, she shouts out a loud and ‘jovial’ “bless yooooou!”

Does very little work; she was the assistant to a very busy relationship manager (RM) but seemingly browsed the internet or played Patience all effing day long. One of my colleagues pointed this out to the RM and everyone ended up chipping in with their own little story of her laziness and ineffectiveness. Eventually, action was taken and she is now just a general assistant rather than working directly with an RM. This, of course, gives her even more freedom to do exactly what she wants all day – fanny around online. Stupid stupid company.

Turn up to any social event; in the 3 years I’ve known her, she has been single for all but two months last year. This evidently means that she has very little going on outside work as she will turn up to any event, even when it involves people she has absolutely no working relationship with. Someone’s leaving drink, birthday party, wetting the baby’s head, spontaneous pub session… she will turn up and attempt to ingratiate herself before invariably getting pissed and making lascivious comments and cackling like a witch.

She has proclaimed several times ‘I get really horny when I’m drunk’; she will intrude on people’s conversations, and if there is some office flirting going on, barge in whilst her voice gets all trembly and breathless like some sketch-show caricature. She’s like a fat, ugly female version of Vic Reeves rubbing his legs whilst staring at someone attractive.

She has to be the one to organise ‘fun’; Children in Need, Comic Relief, monthly charity days, Easter, Christmas, whatever, she will be involved in arranging or, at very least, actively partaking in every event. One team here on the 5th floor, who we have very loose associations with, had a jolly old Christmas Jumper competition last week. She invited herself along and won. Anyone would think she had been presented with an Oscar or Nobel prize such was her loud, vociferous, ridiculously misplaced pride.

Today she is wandering around, doing no work as per norm, digging into the various tins of Roses and Quality Street, singing half lines from festive songs; “…munch slobber slurp… let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…”
She is taking great delight in demonstrating the ‘hilarious’ Santa hat she has treated herself to. When a button is pressed, the pointy bit swings from side to side whilst some distorted, tinny piece of crappy Christmas music blares forth. She has shown everyone, and every time, she is the only one who laughs at how wacky, zany and plain ker-azy the funny hat is.

I am angry. I shouldn’t be writing this as (disappointingly) I’m actually bloody busy. But this is cathartic and will hopefully prevent me from attacking her with, at best sharp words, at worst a pair of scissors and Sellotape dispenser.

I hate her.

Would it be wrong of me to try and get a picture of her and post it on here?

BRAVO, she really does tick all the boxes. I'm not sure you need to post a picture, I think we all know EXACTLY what she will look like.

Just as I say that the fat MESS from upstairs has WADDLED past. The toilets are on the ground floor and there's no lift in our office so she must be KNACKERED by the end of the day.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

I know I’m late to the conversation, but having read through the thread, it is glaringly obvious that pretty much every office that their very own version of the wretched ‘bubbly’ fat woman. Unfortunately, my office is no different. These are her main characteristics and traits:

Unnecessarily loud and ‘bubbly’; will offer the whole office a “good morning” in a loud 'cheerful' voice whilst extending the vowels – “gooood moooorniiing”.

Sneezes loudly and dramatically; everyone ignores her sneezing but mutters curses between clenched teeth. However, whenever anyone else sneezes, she shouts out a loud and ‘jovial’ “bless yooooou!”

Does very little work; she was the assistant to a very busy relationship manager (RM) but seemingly browsed the internet or played Patience all effing day long. One of my colleagues pointed this out to the RM and everyone ended up chipping in with their own little story of her laziness and ineffectiveness. Eventually, action was taken and she is now just a general assistant rather than working directly with an RM. This, of course, gives her even more freedom to do exactly what she wants all day – fanny around online. Stupid stupid company.

Turn up to any social event; in the 3 years I’ve known her, she has been single for all but two months last year. This evidently means that she has very little going on outside work as she will turn up to any event, even when it involves people she has absolutely no working relationship with. Someone’s leaving drink, birthday party, wetting the baby’s head, spontaneous pub session… she will turn up and attempt to ingratiate herself before invariably getting pissed and making lascivious comments and cackling like a witch.

She has proclaimed several times ‘I get really horny when I’m drunk’; she will intrude on people’s conversations, and if there is some office flirting going on, barge in whilst her voice gets all trembly and breathless like some sketch-show caricature. She’s like a fat, ugly female version of Vic Reeves rubbing his legs whilst staring at someone attractive.

She has to be the one to organise ‘fun’; Children in Need, Comic Relief, monthly charity days, Easter, Christmas, whatever, she will be involved in arranging or, at very least, actively partaking in every event. One team here on the 5th floor, who we have very loose associations with, had a jolly old Christmas Jumper competition last week. She invited herself along and won. Anyone would think she had been presented with an Oscar or Nobel prize such was her loud, vociferous, ridiculously misplaced pride.

Today she is wandering around, doing no work as per norm, digging into the various tins of Roses and Quality Street, singing half lines from festive songs; “…munch slobber slurp… let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…”
She is taking great delight in demonstrating the ‘hilarious’ Santa hat she has treated herself to. When a button is pressed, the pointy bit swings from side to side whilst some distorted, tinny piece of crappy Christmas music blares forth. She has shown everyone, and every time, she is the only one who laughs at how wacky, zany and plain ker-azy the funny hat is.

I am angry. I shouldn’t be writing this as (disappointingly) I’m actually bloody busy. But this is cathartic and will hopefully prevent me from attacking her with, at best sharp words, at worst a pair of scissors and Sellotape dispenser.

I hate her.

Would it be wrong of me to try and get a picture of her and post it on here?

Welcome aboard Brother Flex.

 

[Tarpon]

A radio has been brought in. Someone has set it to a Yuletide only station. Occasionally people sign along or discuss the 'merits' of each song or 'artist'. It is the most predictable Christmas playlist you could imagine. They like the vast majority of them. These are normally decent people. The horror, the horror.

Fortunately the workplace is relatively empty and one of the few advantages of 'hot desking' is that you can escape. I relocate. To a bank of desks where the sole topic of conversation is children and Christmas. One day to go FFS. Oh and people are wearing hats. Christmas hats.

 

[Lower West Stander]

I don't understand why people feel the need to bring their babies in to work. Surely if your work colleagues are your only friends, arrange to meet them outside of working hours. If they're not your only friends, you'll probably find nobody gives a shit and they're only taking an interest to stop you from getting upset.

This happens in our office a lot.

We have a rapid succession of secretaries and PAs who are there for about 3 months before getting pregnant and leaving/going on maternity leave. Obviously all the other secretaries/PAs have a massive collection to which everyone is expected to contribute (even if we have never spoken to them in the minimal time they have been there).

12 months later each one then descends on the office with a baby whereby all other secretaries/PAs (who have probably had no contact in the intervening period) gather round said baby making cooing noises and asking inane questions.

This pisses me right off.

 

[TSB]

Was Ralfie that bad?

...Colman?

 

[Since1982]

Haha that was my thought as well!

Awesome, which pub is that? Sounds good to me, Kenilworth is only 5/10 mins from my house.

Could you extend that invitation to my son, a student at Warwick Uni, who has not suffered nearly enough since he vacated his seat in the WSL for his uni place in September. I explain to him how bad it is but I need him to see it as well.

 

[seagully]

Could you extend that invitation to my son, a student at Warwick Uni, who has not suffered nearly enough since he vacated his seat in the WSL for his uni place in September. I explain to him how bad it is but I need him to see it as well.

Haha the more the merrier!

 

[MattBackHome]

5th January.

Someone here is wearing a XMAS JUMPER.

Apparently this is HILARIOUS.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

5th January.

Someone here is wearing a XMAS JUMPER.

Apparently this is HILARIOUS.

FFS.

All quiet here, mercifully.

 

[Brian Fantana]

I know I’m late to the conversation, but having read through the thread, it is glaringly obvious that pretty much every office that their very own version of the wretched ‘bubbly’ fat woman. Unfortunately, my office is no different. These are her main characteristics and traits:

Unnecessarily loud and ‘bubbly’; will offer the whole office a “good morning” in a loud 'cheerful' voice whilst extending the vowels – “gooood moooorniiing”.

Sneezes loudly and dramatically; everyone ignores her sneezing but mutters curses between clenched teeth. However, whenever anyone else sneezes, she shouts out a loud and ‘jovial’ “bless yooooou!”

Does very little work; she was the assistant to a very busy relationship manager (RM) but seemingly browsed the internet or played Patience all effing day long. One of my colleagues pointed this out to the RM and everyone ended up chipping in with their own little story of her laziness and ineffectiveness. Eventually, action was taken and she is now just a general assistant rather than working directly with an RM. This, of course, gives her even more freedom to do exactly what she wants all day – fanny around online. Stupid stupid company.

Turn up to any social event; in the 3 years I’ve known her, she has been single for all but two months last year. This evidently means that she has very little going on outside work as she will turn up to any event, even when it involves people she has absolutely no working relationship with. Someone’s leaving drink, birthday party, wetting the baby’s head, spontaneous pub session… she will turn up and attempt to ingratiate herself before invariably getting pissed and making lascivious comments and cackling like a witch.

She has proclaimed several times ‘I get really horny when I’m drunk’; she will intrude on people’s conversations, and if there is some office flirting going on, barge in whilst her voice gets all trembly and breathless like some sketch-show caricature. She’s like a fat, ugly female version of Vic Reeves rubbing his legs whilst staring at someone attractive.

She has to be the one to organise ‘fun’; Children in Need, Comic Relief, monthly charity days, Easter, Christmas, whatever, she will be involved in arranging or, at very least, actively partaking in every event. One team here on the 5th floor, who we have very loose associations with, had a jolly old Christmas Jumper competition last week. She invited herself along and won. Anyone would think she had been presented with an Oscar or Nobel prize such was her loud, vociferous, ridiculously misplaced pride.

Today she is wandering around, doing no work as per norm, digging into the various tins of Roses and Quality Street, singing half lines from festive songs; “…munch slobber slurp… let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…”
She is taking great delight in demonstrating the ‘hilarious’ Santa hat she has treated herself to. When a button is pressed, the pointy bit swings from side to side whilst some distorted, tinny piece of crappy Christmas music blares forth. She has shown everyone, and every time, she is the only one who laughs at how wacky, zany and plain ker-azy the funny hat is.

I am angry. I shouldn’t be writing this as (disappointingly) I’m actually bloody busy. But this is cathartic and will hopefully prevent me from attacking her with, at best sharp words, at worst a pair of scissors and Sellotape dispenser.

I hate her.

Would it be wrong of me to try and get a picture of her and post it on here?

Textbook stuff, Flex.

Welcome to the gang.

 

[Brian Fantana]

FFS.

All quiet here, mercifully.

And here. The silence is BLISS.

 

[seagulls4ever]

Dogs at work? SERIOUSLY?

How is that even remotely acceptable?

 

[Badger]

Dogs at work? SERIOUSLY?

How is that even remotely acceptable?

Don't get me started.

8.10 - arrived in the office
8.20 - dog started making a squeaking noise (it does this pretty much every time its owner leaves the room)
8.21 - headphones in

 

[Postman Pat]

We have a new member of the team who started at the company today, she is sat next to me, seems OK at the moment, some initial signs of the traits in Flex's post, but I'll give it a week before I make up my mind.

It does mean I have had a constant stream of questions to deal with.

When does protocol dictate I can put my headphones on without appearing to be 'rude'