Bell Cheeses at work

[Norman Potting]

Welcome back one of my all time favourite threads

Office life finished for me over 10 years ago but this brings much of it back and curiously reminds me simultaenously of why I miss it/don't miss it.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

We have a new member of the team who started at the company today, she is sat next to me, seems OK at the moment, some initial signs of the traits in Flex's post, but I'll give it a week before I make up my mind.

It does mean I have had a constant stream of questions to deal with.

When does protocol dictate I can put my headphones on without appearing to be 'rude'

Get the headphones in NOW.

This is her first day - she'll just assume that you wear them all the time.

If you don't, then when in two days time, she starts to relax, into the fat noise machine that she undoubtably IS, then you WILL have to risk appearing rude, when you inevitably scrabble to put them in.

 

[Nibble]

I worked with a pain the arse woman, menopausal control freak. I made a formal complaint and following an investigation she got sacked. Man up.

 

[Badger]

Get the headphones in NOW.

This is her first day - she'll just assume that you wear them all the time.

If you don't, then when in two days time, she starts to relax, into the fat noise machine that she undoubtably IS, then you WILL have to risk appearing rude, when you inevitably scrabble to put them in.

This is sound advice, make it IMMEDIATELY obvious what kind of person you are. Don't leave any kind of opening, she might think you're fair game for morning GOSSIP or even the dreaded "can I along with you for lunch?" *shudder*

I'm a software developer, so being rude and having my headphones on is part of the job description.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

A new GRADUATE has started by us. In an attempt to make conversation, he has just remarked that 'You are having a Sandwich and Crisps for lunch then?

My response that He will go far has killed any further attempts at small talk. Headphones in just in case. If that sounds Grumpy, it's because I am. It's 10 weeks till I get a day off. Roll on Cheltenham.

 

[Badger]

A new GRADUATE has started by us. In an attempt to make conversation, he has just remarked that 'You are having a Sandwich and Crisps for lunch then?

My response that He will go far has killed any further attempts at small talk. Headphones in just in case. If that sounds Grumpy, it's because I am. It's 10 weeks till I get a day off. Roll on Cheltenham.

I'd be tempted to pass comment on everything he does from now on:

"Oh so you're logging on to your computer are you?"
"Going to the toilet eh? Number 1 or 2?"

 

[hans kraay fan club]

I'd be tempted to pass comment on everything he does from now on:

"Oh so you're logging on to your computer are you?"
"Going to the toilet eh? Number 1 or 2?"

Start a running dialogue of Jimmy-Carr-esque understated BANTZ?

Have you turned to the DARK SIDE over the holidays [MENTION=6625]Badger[/MENTION] ?

 

[Badger]

Start a running dialogue of Jimmy-Carr-esque understated BANTZ?

Have you turned to the DARK SIDE over the holidays @Badger ?

I was in work over the holidays, that's probably the issue.

CRACKING development here, there's a bloke 2 metres away from me DRILLING holes in the wall and HAMMERING things.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

I'd be tempted to pass comment on everything he does from now on:

"Oh so you're logging on to your computer are you?"
"Going to the toilet eh? Number 1 or 2?"

Tempting as it is, I prefer silence. Work is soul destroying enough before banalities around lunch and 'Did you have a nice Christmas? If he persists, I'm going to rob one of your dogs and set them on him, although it sounds like they will whimper him to death before mauling him.

 

[BBassic]

There's one guy who sits near me.

He's never learnt to eat with his mouth closed so throughout the day I can hear him smacking his chops. Always decides to eat watery things as well. Apples, pears, plums etc.

Headphones are a must.

 

[Scoffers]

I've been following this thread for a bit and as an office worker myself, it's been a very enjoyable read...keep it up folks

 

[Munkfish]

Me and around 6 others are all sat together, all nice people and manage not to annoy eachother, the rest of our team is based in London so we are all greatful we dont have to commute everyday.

However we are sat roughly 10 meters away from a fully fleged Ops team at least 40 of them, although roughly 8 of them in ear shot, loud *******s too. However what they dont realise is we can hear there full blown conversations about every detail of their lives. Today we have had.

- One lad whose GF got so wasted on NYE he dumped her and then went and slept with some other girl.
- One lady who found this brilliant and is now trying to set him up with her daughter.
- One girl who seems to think thats not too bad as one of her mates cheated on her Boyfriend at the Christmas party.

It has been a particually revealing day, I look forward to seeing them in a pub after work in the new year and letting them know that we can hear everything they say.

 

[Papa Lazarou]

There's one guy who sits near me.

He's never learnt to eat with his mouth closed so throughout the day I can hear him smacking his chops. Always decides to eat watery things as well. Apples, pears, plums etc.

Headphones are a must.

sounds like a poncho would be just as useful.

 

[BBassic]

I've got another one. 2015 is shaping up to be an annoying little *******!

This applies to a lot of people in my office. They'll look around, spot me at my desk, sit down, send me an e-mail and then, before I've had time to read the thing, will come over and say "I've sent you an e-mail"

Yes. I know. That's how the ****ing thing works! You send the e-mail and then you stay the **** at your desk you utter waste of atomic matter!

 

[Titanic]

Any legal (and not career limiting) suggestions on how to get the wanky manager just over the partition to stop singing/grunting?

'Career limiting' who am I kidding??

 

[Norman Potting]

I've got another one. 2015 is shaping up to be an annoying little *******!

This applies to a lot of people in my office. They'll look around, spot me at my desk, sit down, send me an e-mail and then, before I've had time to read the thing, will come over and say "I've sent you an e-mail"

Yes. I know. That's how the ****ing thing works! You send the e-mail and then you stay the **** at your desk you utter waste of atomic matter!

Why not retaliate by going over to them and saying, "i'm just about to send you an email", and then leave it for an hour before sending.

 

[Nibble]

Any legal (and not career limiting) suggestions on how to get the wanky manager just over the partition to stop singing/grunting?

'Career limiting' who am I kidding??

Can I suggest you ask him to keep it down.

 

[Badger]

Any legal (and not career limiting) suggestions on how to get the wanky manager just over the partition to stop singing/grunting?

'Career limiting' who am I kidding??

Sound an air-horn every time there's a grunt

 

[Badger]

I worked with a pain the arse woman, menopausal control freak. I made a formal complaint and following an investigation she got sacked. Man up.

Can I suggest you ask him to keep it down.

I'm not sure this thread is for you.

 

[Theatre of Trees]

Any legal (and not career limiting) suggestions on how to get the wanky manager just over the partition to stop singing/grunting?

'Career limiting' who am I kidding??

Are there any dogs in the office? If so every time he sings howl like one - either he'll stop singing or ban dogs from the workplace.