Bell Cheeses at work

[Brian Fantana]

NSC Immortality is within your reach, will you grasp it?

This.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

FFS! If I were in an office of a dozen people, I'd do it. But there are only FOUR of us. Crisp woman, her mate the chubby noise-machine, me and my boss.

Its not going to take much to NARROW it down!

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

FFS! If I were in an office of a dozen people, I'd do it. But there are only FOUR of us. Crisp woman, her mate the chubby noise-machine, me and my boss.

Its not going to take much to NARROW it down!

Place a note with it written in the style of the chubby noise machine either playing it off as a joke or as a snidey remark (this one will provide maximum fun) and then fervently deny it was you if questions get put your way. If you're lucky, you'll drive a wedge between them that will grow into some serious discord, ensuring a much happier (for you) office.

Alternatively, post it to the office addressed to her and sign it off with some random initials. She'll be so baffled by figuring it out who it is that you'll be in the clear.

Failing both of these, implement the Honeybadger protocol.

 

[Brian Fantana]

Place a note with it written in the style of the chubby noise machine either playing it off as a joke or as a snidey remark (this one will provide maximum fun) and then fervently deny it was you if questions get put your way. If you're lucky, you'll drive a wedge between them that will grow into some serious discord, ensuring a much happier (for you) office.

Alternatively, post it to the office addressed to her and sign it off with some random initials. She'll be so baffled by figuring it out who it is that you'll be in the clear.

Failing both of these, implement the Honeybadger protocol.

Option two is GENIUS.

 

[Badger]

Place a note with it written in the style of the chubby noise machine either playing it off as a joke or as a snidey remark (this one will provide maximum fun) and then fervently deny it was you if questions get put your way. If you're lucky, you'll drive a wedge between them that will grow into some serious discord, ensuring a much happier (for you) office.

Alternatively, post it to the office addressed to her and sign it off with some random initials. She'll be so baffled by figuring it out who it is that you'll be in the clear.

Failing both of these, implement the Honeybadger protocol.

I like the amount of thought which has gone into this. I was going to suggest you just make it blatantly obvious it was you and see what her reaction is.

 

[Badger]

Holy F******* CHRIST, the dogs in my office just want completely MENTAL, it was a full on fight between two of them. I think I may have grounds to complain and get them banned...

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Option two is GENIUS.

It also has a 100% success rate thus far.

I like the amount of thought which has gone into this. I was going to suggest you just make it blatantly obvious it was you and see what her reaction is.

Honestly (and probably worryingly), this sort of stuff occurs way too easily to me, I suspect it's got something to do with a natural inclination for good natured mischief combined with several years working with some delightful office companions.

My coping mechanism has always been pretty much the same; a focussed campaign of causing many small and untraceable annoyances to occur to the offending party;

'Your keyboard keys have switched round? Oh no, how did that happen?'

'No, I've never seen all the wheels on a chair get stuck facing the same way either, baffling!'

'What do you mean your drawer is stuck shut? Your luck is terrible at the minute!'

'The wire on your mouse is frayed and only works if you use it at a weird angle? Terrible!'

'A Honeybadger was left in your car and savaged you on the way home? Awful!'

etc.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

It also has a 100% success rate thus far.

Honestly (and probably worryingly), this sort of stuff occurs way too easily to me, I suspect it's got something to do with a natural inclination for good natured mischief combined with several years working with some delightful office companions.

My coping mechanism has always been pretty much the same; a focussed campaign of causing many small and untraceable annoyances to occur to the offending party;

'Your keyboard keys have switched round? Oh no, how did that happen?'

'No, I've never seen all the wheels on a chair get stuck facing the same way either, baffling!'

'What do you mean your drawer is stuck shut? Your luck is terrible at the minute!'

'The wire on your mouse is frayed and only works if you use it at a weird angle? Terrible!'

'A Honeybadger was left in your car and savaged you on the way home? Awful!'

etc.

How did your stapler get in that jelly?

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Holy F******* CHRIST, the dogs in my office just want completely MENTAL, it was a full on fight between two of them. I think I may have grounds to complain and get them banned...

All joking aside - do it. FFS, why the hell do these pricks think this is in ANY way acceptable, for other people to put up with this shit?

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Holy F******* CHRIST, the dogs in my office just want completely MENTAL, it was a full on fight between two of them. I think I may have grounds to complain and get them banned...

Sounds like a reasonable step to take, as long as you can handle the quiet resentment of the dog people.

If not, you should know by now what I'd suggest as a next step.

How did your stapler get in that jelly?

Has also happened here, however, I sadly can't take credit for it.

Loosening the space bar on a keyboard so it only registers every other tap is a good one though, breaks everyone eventually.

 

[Norman Potting]

FFS! If I were in an office of a dozen people, I'd do it. But there are only FOUR of us. Crisp woman, her mate the chubby noise-machine, me and my boss.

Its not going to take much to NARROW it down!

Live up to your username - remember "Hans is evil, Hans is evil". Would he have given it a second thought, he would have jumped up and down in front of her as well.

Do it - NSC immortality lays within your grasp

By golly I love this thread!

 

[Brian Fantana]

Holy F******* CHRIST, the dogs in my office just want completely MENTAL, it was a full on fight between two of them. I think I may have grounds to complain and get them banned...

I'm struggling to fathom how any work place can allow animals to a) be brought in the first place and b) allowed to freely roam around the office.

How about feign a severe allergic reaction to dog hair?

 

[Badger]

Sounds like a reasonable step to take, as long as you can handle the quiet resentment of the dog people.

This is the overriding problem, EVERYONE else in my office appears to be a dog person so I'd just be alienating myself. I need to subtly put out the word and see if I can find another dog-hater, with two of us we may have a case.

Only one of the fighting dogs is in today but don't FRET, it's making enough squeaking noises to make up for it. I couldn't even escape for my lunchtime walk today as it's pissing down. Headphones turned up to ELEVEN.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Headphones well deployed today.

The tubby noise-machine has now caught the cold that the constant eater has been trying to spread around the office for the past week, so I now have them SNIFFING in stereo.

Whilst I share your 'why the actual **** is a DOG allowed to be in my office' issues, it is fair to say that 'our' dog is far less annoying than the women.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

[MENTION=6625]Badger[/MENTION] I would suggest making a log of the dates and times your dog issues happen. Then I realised that would be a complete waste of time as it will get posted on here for our amusement in any case.

One day, someone will have this thread utilised in an HR case. What a day that will be.

 

[Badger]

Headphones well deployed today.

The tubby noise-machine has now caught the cold that the constant eater has been trying to spread around the office for the past week, so I now have them SNIFFING in stereo.

Whilst I share your 'why the actual **** is a DOG allowed to be in my office' issues, it is fair to say that 'our' dog is far less annoying than the women.

I can understand that, the woman in my last office was MILES more irritating than the dogs are now. It's the fact that this particular annoyance is completely unnecessary which I take most issue with, as you say 'why the actual **** is a DOG allowed to be in my office'.

 

[Hillian1]

I have to say that I have a small smouldering resentment to almost all the people I share my office with, 15 of us, only one of them though is worthy of mention on this thread.

I sympathise with you all, especially those who have to share space with Dogs.

 

[Brian Fantana]

My UNCONFINED joy at the previous lady leaving has been slightly tempered. Due to one of our other offices being refurbished at the moment, a group of PAs have moved into the free bank of desks on our floor. I've got a feeling that we're not going to get along. Today's highlights have included:

- A loud and whining argument about why it would be terrible idea if Suzy's fiance was to go on 'Don't Tell The Bride'.

- An incredibly dull and long drawn out debate on the greatest 'Don't Tell The Bridge' episodes ever.

- A very loud phone call made to a hospital, to book an appointment for an aged relative, including hugely unecessary hints as to the ailments involved.

- A brains trust discussion on Ched Evans and why he should basically not be allowed outside on his own ever again.

*sigh*

I may have to leave.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Oh, and an update on [MENTION=6625]Badger[/MENTION] 's fabulous 'Little Miss Crisps For Breakfast' picture. I showed it to my boss, on my phone, and he loved it, and asked that I send it on to him. He can't put it on her desk either, sadly, so he's probably just collating stuff for HR to get me fired or something.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

My UNCONFINED joy at the previous lady leaving has been slightly tempered. Due to one of our other offices being refurbished at the moment, a group of PAs have moved into the free bank of desks on our floor. I've got a feeling that we're not going to get along. Today's highlights have included:

- A loud and whining argument about why it would be terrible idea if Suzy's fiance was to go on 'Don't Tell The Bride'.

- An incredibly dull and long drawn out debate on the greatest 'Don't Tell The Bridge' episodes ever.

- A very loud phone call made to a hospital, to book an appointment for an aged relative, including hugely unecessary hints as to the ailments involved.

- A brains trust discussion on Ched Evans and why he should basically not be allowed outside on his own ever again.

*sigh*

I may have to leave.

I'm going to hazard a guess though, that at least one of this group is decent to LOOK at. Which is, at least, SOME consolation. I get all that crap, but from fat middle-aged munters.