Bell Cheeses at work

[Paulie Gualtieri]

Been at my new firm for a few weeks and heard the dreaded “drains up” today

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

What’s your favourite decibel?

It has to be “ if you are a snack, which snack would you be and why would I consider buying you?” Note: I did consider eating instead of buying but it did sound a bit too pervy for a first interview.

 

[Badger]

Answers -
- It's fantastic
- Absolutely nothing

Have you been reading my answers?

Another question is:
"What is currently the biggest risk to this squad being able to complete the current phase’s work by the target milestone? How can we help reduce this risk?"

Every week I just want to put "Wasting time on filling in pointless forms"

 

[Paulie Gualtieri]

It has to be “ if you are a snack, which snack would you be and why would I consider buying you?” Note: I did consider eating instead of buying but it did sound a bit too pervy for a first interview.

Are you louder in the bedroom or whilst eating? take your time, I appreciate you probably wasn’t expecting that…

 

[dazzer6666]

To be fair, we've been doing scrum for years. The difference being, we ignored most of the bullsh*t you were supposed to do and just got on with the work and avoided too many meaningless meetings. That all seems to have gone out of the window now. My calendar is full of meetings such as "Team refinement session" and "Team retrospective".

I'm also supposed to fill in a weekly status update form for senior managers to monitor our progress. This form consists of 26 questions such as "How is the squad’s morale? What can we do to positively affect morale?"

It’s mostly common sense hidden behind wanky corporate speak

 

[WATFORD zero]

It’s mostly common sense hidden behind wanky corporate speak

If you're thinking of moving into consultancy, you may want to re-think your strapline

 

[Whitechapel]

We’ve got a new lad at work and bless him I don’t think he’ll last long. His working day is split between two departments. One he likes, and one he doesn’t.

He’s going purposefully slow as possible in the department he dislikes in the hope we won’t put him out there anymore & he’s going slow in the department he likes so he can spend more time there.

 

[dazzer6666]

If you're thinking of moving into consultancy, you may want to re-think your strapline

LOL…..can’t tell you how much I’m enjoying not having to deal with all that shit any more

 

[Sirnormangall]

To be fair, we've been doing scrum for years. The difference being, we ignored most of the bullsh*t you were supposed to do and just got on with the work and avoided too many meaningless meetings. That all seems to have gone out of the window now. My calendar is full of meetings such as "Team refinement session" and "Team retrospective".

I'm also supposed to fill in a weekly status update form for senior managers to monitor our progress. This form consists of 26 questions such as "How is the squad’s morale? What can we do to positively affect morale?"

At the “Team retrospective “ meeting do you all have to dress like Jacob Rees-Mogg?

 

[BBassic]

I don't know if people realise that, in an email, including massive blocks of red text to indicate the severity of a situation is a sure fire way to have me put it to the bottom of the pile.

 

[Stat Brother]

As this is here I might as well self report.

My section is next to the main office.
In which the music is connected to one of the computers, with a speaker run through to my section.

As an aside we seem to only ever listen to 3 YouTube play lists.
I've heard Wings Of Change by The Scorpions so many times I think I'm East German.

Anyhoo yesterday the fella in the office put on a Christmas playlist.
I suggested he didn't.

Now sure I do accept I could have made that suggest in such a way it didn't incite revenge.
I own that, that's on me.


So scroll forward 10 minutes and I'm listening to Band Aid for a second time.


At this point I'm not sure what happened but the upshot was my speaker hanging from the wall with the wires ripped from the back - accidents will happen.


What's funny though is nobody has mentioned it!

 

[Titanic]

Been at my new firm for a few weeks and heard the dreaded “drains up” today

I love a 'drains up'... always a great excuse to be brutally honest about the useless fuckwits.

 

[Whitechapel]

One person in our office tuts constantly, which is pretty annoying.

However I’m not quite the sure the person who tuts at the tutting has really thought his protest through as I’m about 2 weeks away from going insane and killing everyone.

 

[Notters]

As this is here I might as well self report.

My section is next to the main office.
In which the music is connected to one of the computers, with a speaker run through to my section.

As an aside we seem to only ever listen to 3 YouTube play lists.
I've heard Wings Of Change by The Scorpions so many times I think I'm East German.

Anyhoo yesterday the fella in the office put on a Christmas playlist.
I suggested he didn't.

Now sure I do accept I could have made that suggest in such a way it didn't incite revenge.
I own that, that's on me.


So scroll forward 10 minutes and I'm listening to Band Aid for a second time.


At this point I'm not sure what happened but the upshot was my speaker hanging from the wall with the wires ripped from the back - accidents will happen.


What's funny though is nobody has mentioned it!

Christ, what sort of office has music?

And who still works in an office these days for that matter?

 

[wellquickwoody]

And who still works in an office these days for that matter?

People who actually work?

 

[The Clamp]

I love a 'drains up'... always a great excuse to be brutally honest about the useless fuckwits.

What is drains up?

 

[Sid and the Sharknados]

What is drains up?

The opposite of dries down.

 

[The Clamp]

I’m more confused now

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

Its that dreaded time of the year when someone (normally obese) plays the same Christmas play list on loop all day and every day.

Then when you dare to ask for a change/for them to stop the call you a grinch/killjoy etc

 

[Sid and the Sharknados]

I’m more confused now

I actually have no idea, and fully intend to keep it that way.