TSB
Captain Hindsight
I always fancied myself as an 'Overlord'.
At least until we find someone who used to work with BG.
Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊
Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
I always fancied myself as an 'Overlord'.
At least until we find someone who used to work with BG.
jonnyrovers
mostly tinpot
While showing off about making my spicy chicken & rice lunch from scratch today, a nearby nerd informed me that in order to make anything ‘from scratch’ I would have to have first created the universe.
Zero irony detected.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Zero irony detected.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Brian Fantana
Well-known member
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.
We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:
"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"
As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.
"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).
Savage. Absolutely savage
We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:
"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"
As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.
"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).
Savage. Absolutely savage
Beach Hut
Brighton Bhuna Boy
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.
We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:
"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"
As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.
"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).
Savage. Absolutely savage
What a ****, seen this happen loads of time previous
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.
We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:
"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"
As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.
"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).
Savage. Absolutely savage
I'm guessing what he said was entirely accurate too.
Brian Fantana
Well-known member
I'm guessing what he said was entirely accurate too.
I couldn't fault a single word of it
Beach Hut
Brighton Bhuna Boy
Talking of bellcheesery just listing to an HR call on bonus payments this year - talk about buzzword bingo........
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.
We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:
"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"
As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.
"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).
Savage. Absolutely savage
This is what this thread was made for, brilliant stuff. Did the lad get sacked?
I have started a new job so will have one or two stories to tell when I get the chance...
Brian Fantana
Well-known member
I actually had to leave to pick up my daughter straight after the call, so I've not yet been updated on the aftermath. I'll report it back when I find out. I'd be VERY surprised if I see him in the office on Monday though.
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.
We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:
"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"
As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.
"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).
Savage. Absolutely savage
Well played. That's made my Friday.
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.
We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:
"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"
As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.
"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).
Savage. Absolutely savage
There but for the grace of God.......I always ask a test ‘can you hear me ?’ after putting a call on mute. So easily done......
Had a VC recently where one of the girls was working from home, and forgot she had all her underwear on a clothes dryer behind her [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
AmexRuislip
Retired Spy 🕵️♂️
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.
We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:
"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"
As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.
"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).
Savage. Absolutely savage
Brilliant
MattBackHome
Well-known member
- Jul 7, 2003
- 11,873
Stonking return
Perry Milkins
Just a quiet guy.
Polish girl working in my team.
Quite a knobbish Director who sits adjacent to her was having an issue with his chair in that the recline lever kept failing such that he was inclined to jerk backwards. It was getting to him and he engaged himself in a battle to get the lever to stick. This resulted in him wobbling to and fro whilst gripping the lever.
Polish girl was watching and after a minute or so loudly proclaimed " oh Jonathan keep going like that and I am sure you will ejaculate soon".
She has meant to use the term 'eject' as if he were in an ejector seat.
Created quite a lot of sniggering and chortling.
Quite a knobbish Director who sits adjacent to her was having an issue with his chair in that the recline lever kept failing such that he was inclined to jerk backwards. It was getting to him and he engaged himself in a battle to get the lever to stick. This resulted in him wobbling to and fro whilst gripping the lever.
Polish girl was watching and after a minute or so loudly proclaimed " oh Jonathan keep going like that and I am sure you will ejaculate soon".
She has meant to use the term 'eject' as if he were in an ejector seat.
Created quite a lot of sniggering and chortling.
Greg Bobkin
Silver Seagull
- May 22, 2012
- 16,036
This thread is fantastic – I was reminded of it from the 'One thing about NSC' one and thought I'd already contributed, but clearly not.
My experience is not anywhere in the league of some of the tales on here, but I hope you'll agree that the sight of a Palace fan turning up for work in FULL CPFC kit (including football boots) on MORE THAN ONE OCCASION, is Bellcheesy enough to make the grade. He wasn't quite the ticket this lad, so thought nothing of wandering around the place, dodging work and generally annoying people with his antics – and polluting people's vision with the sight of those red and blue stripes! Amazingly he stayed in his admin job (and then got another one in sales) for years, until he left because he had to go on the run for some reason (I honestly can't remember what now). Anyway, last I heard he was re-selling old bed linen from hotels and doing very well for himself. Mind you, he always was full of BS...
My experience is not anywhere in the league of some of the tales on here, but I hope you'll agree that the sight of a Palace fan turning up for work in FULL CPFC kit (including football boots) on MORE THAN ONE OCCASION, is Bellcheesy enough to make the grade. He wasn't quite the ticket this lad, so thought nothing of wandering around the place, dodging work and generally annoying people with his antics – and polluting people's vision with the sight of those red and blue stripes! Amazingly he stayed in his admin job (and then got another one in sales) for years, until he left because he had to go on the run for some reason (I honestly can't remember what now). Anyway, last I heard he was re-selling old bed linen from hotels and doing very well for himself. Mind you, he always was full of BS...
Just overheard an interesting conversation between one of the HR women and a guy who manages a team which sits near me. It was one of those "secret" conversations where they try to whisper to each other, oblivious to the fact anyone within 10 metres can hear almost everything they're saying. Anyway, it transpires someone in this guy's team has misbehaved and been given his marching orders. They didn't discuss the details but it appears he was caught getting intimate with a female colleague in the office. I feel I need to do some digging to find out who is involved and exactly what happened. I'm wondering whether both of them are being kicked out, or if perhaps the intimacy wasn't reciprocated....
She definitely meant ejaculate. The 'eject' part has cover story written all over it as she realised what she said
Barham's tash
Well-known member
Had someone VC in from the Philippines on Thursday - he used to work in London but since schtupping one of the locals and becoming a daddy he put in for a transfer (a whole other story) - he must have forgotten he was on VC rather than just called in.
Half way through the call he proceeded to drink and down a glistening two litre bottle of water. The VC aspect was bad enough but he hadn’t muted his line. Sounded like that scene from the Naked Gun where Frank Drebbin goes for a slash with the radio mike on....
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheJasperCo
Well-known member
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.
...
"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).
Savage. Absolutely savage
Ladies and gents, I give you the next King of England.