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A Thread full of Joke du Jours
- Thread starter bob monkhouse
- Start date
The inmates are gutted that Shipman won't be in the prison boxing team now he's snuffed it. Apparently he had a lethal jab.
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Banned
Shouldn't laugh!Lord Cornwallis
Dust my pants
Bloke walks in to a cardiologists office and says, "I think I'm a moth" Dr says "You need a phycologist mate, why have you come here?"
Bloke says
"The light was on."
Bloke says
"The light was on."
A man approached a very beautiful woman in
the large supermarket and said,
"I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked.
"Because every time I talk to a woman with t * ts like yours,
my wife appears out of nowhere"
the large supermarket and said,
"I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked.
"Because every time I talk to a woman with t * ts like yours,
my wife appears out of nowhere"
Joke
(OK, I found it on that QPR site...)
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
(OK, I found it on that QPR site...)
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
north stand falmer
Banned
What does ventriloquist mean ?
CAFC Matt
New member
Heres another:
2 blokes are standing at the bar discussing each others wifes cooking when one says 'my wifes got a black belt in cooking, killed a bloke the other day with two chops'.
Last edited:
seagull over sevenoaks
Active member
- Jul 14, 2003
- 398
CAFC Matt said:
Heres another:
...wifes coking hen one says ...
Drugs habits are getting worse than I thought... poor chicken
CAFC Matt
New member
Might change that - but made you laugh
CAFC Matt said:
Heres another:
2 blokes are standing at the bar discussing each others wifes cooking when one says 'my wifes got a black belt in cooking, killed a bloke the other day with two chops'.
I heard this one on another site.
A man and his wife attended a discussion circle together. One evening the wife couldn't go to the meeting so her husband went alone. The subject for discussion was sex. When the husband came home, he told his wife about the meeting saying that he had to speak and that he had made everyone laugh. When his wife asked what was the subject of his discussion, he didn't want to embarrass his wife so he said "Yachting". "What do you know about yachting", she asked.
The next day whilst on her way to work, the wife met a woman from the discussion circle. She told the wife "Oh your husband did make us laugh with all his tales last night". "Well I don't know why" said the wife. "He's only done it twice - the first time he was sick and the second time he fell off."
Vinyl Richie
New member
YEY!!!! well done the mods, the mods the mods the mods!!! 
WHAT DOES A RUSSIAN USE TO WIPE HIS MOUTH?
A SOVIET!
bon de touche
WHAT DOES A RUSSIAN USE TO WIPE HIS MOUTH?
A SOVIET!
bon de touche
Bonnet de douche... BONNET DE DOUCHE, you 42-carat plonker! 
(shower cap!)
(shower cap!)
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Vinyl Richie
New member
Titanic said:Bonnet de douche... BONNET DE DOUCHE, you 42-carat plonker!
(shower cap!)
oops.bon de touch bon de touch, tute j'doure
Superphil
Dismember
A Joke
Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Dallas, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men.
It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...
First floor !
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids "
The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up they went. Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."
Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what's further up?
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
Wow! Said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love Kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on!
So up to the fifth floor they went. Fifth floor
The sign on that door said,
"This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are ****ing impossible to please.
Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Dallas, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men.
It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...
First floor !
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids "
The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up they went. Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."
Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what's further up?
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
Wow! Said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love Kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on!
So up to the fifth floor they went. Fifth floor
The sign on that door said,
"This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are ****ing impossible to please.