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Can't we have Emile Smith-Rowe instead ? I REALLY want Emile Smith-Rowe. If I'm spending Tony's money, I think we should table £40m for him. He would instantly fill that Mac Allister-sized hole in our midfield. Do it Tony. Do it.

The only drip that concerns me these days is the one on my crotch following a careless waggle in the gents.

I think thats being quite generous. Stoke have a rich and storied history, with famous players and travelling fans who are really cuffing LOUD. CPFC2010 literally have none of that.

So like being on Universal Credit then, Graham has to yomp up to the Stamford Bridge boardroom once a month to prove to Todd that he's banged out a few emails and had some interviews elsewhere ? Or been seen sucking his teeth in the stands at Bramall Lane ? Fair play then. Its clearly not all...

You have my sympathy. I reckon there's currently more chance of getting some milk and ketchup in Rafah than there is in the WSU. We could be needing aid drops at this rate.

Oh my life, don't even go there. My sister wanted a Mars bar a few weeks back, but was instead offered one of those as a token replacement. Green wrapper, the works. She literally thought they were joking, as did I. I couldn't believe it until I clapped eyes on them. Kinell. UN real.

I just don't really understand the POINT of CPFC2010 any more. They bumble along in 13th-15th every season, never threatening Europe, never in any real peril of going down. Their football is boring. They play in a leaky rotting shack. Their players are bang average. Their fans are a bit...

Rutger Hauer put an end to all that.

Due to some disappointingly poor planning on my part, I arrived in the WSU around 4.45 hankering for some scoff. Anything. The cheeseburgers were sold out - natch - so I opted for a hot dog. Which was ok-ish in itself (soft bun, quite hot, congealed eyelids, snout and general offal scraped off...

Yes. Yes they do. And I hope this is a case of the EPL, and the independent commission getting all their ducks in line for the accounting period, before absolutely SMASHING them. The groundwork has been done with Everton. Now when Chelsea are up before the beak (and its coming), we'll see what...

They will crawl their way along to their standard purgatory position of 12th-15th as usual, stinking out the division with their borefest brand of football, decked out in their silly gaudy jester costumes. They have become a complete irrelevance in the PL, and would be missed by absolutely...

I'd also introduce a tariff for "frivolous appeals", being as an appeal is currently a shot-to-nothing - ie much to gain, nothing to lose. Which just serves to drag out the process and the uncertainty even longer. If the appeal is unsuccessful and the original decision is upheld, then the club...

This is the other thing. Where are the EPL supposed to start ? FFP has been in place for donkeys years, but everyone became totally complacent with it because the worst you'd ever get is a fine. Now, finally, the consequences of breaching FFP are actually baring some teeth with points...

People who keep bleating on about Chelsea not getting clobbered is getting tedious. Their recent billion-quid splurge is relatively recent, whilst the FFP rules of £105m losses spans over 3 years. Rest assured Chelsea's reckoning is very much in the post, just not quite yet due to accounting...

He also has a £10m-£12m release clause, which I'd imagine not that many clubs would be falling over themselves to trigger right now.

A forward pass in the final third.

Oh PLEASE let them get charged. I would so love to see an asterisk beside their name in the League table soon.

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Who you gonna call ?