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Sat in a&e at the minute, with what I think is a broken fingertip that was foolishly squashed when unfolding a scooter I'm not hip enough to scoot upon. I yelped when it occurred, but haven't really had her time to get it seen to, in spite of its incessant pulsing and tingling and blackening...

Not sure we missed Stephens or Webster, but we did miss Bobby Z.

Paul Dickov's volleyed winner against Plymouth had me in hysterics. I sprinted toward the pitch and, by the time i'd gotten there, i'd become almost entirely disrobed, my garments each catching on the seats i clambered over. By the time i held Dickov, i was merely in a Seagulls thong and i love...

Great. Signs with his cock then. I reckon it could.

Probably from one of his self-flinging to the floor occasions that happened more than once. He was their one decent player though, so i was pleased when he went.

I hope he signed with the hand that cushioned that late cross into a goalscoring position.

I was privy to a pair of seagulls fans offering to knock each other, and anyone who told them to shut up and support the team, out...for about 10 minutes. There was a slight unpleasantness in the air.

I have hope for Potter's psychological leanings to have the right effect on Solly. Always had his moments, but seemed to look around for instructions, with uncertainty and dimmed confidence. Potter is all about expression and a sense of identity, and I hope Solly finds both now, with some...

We are certainly a bit slow and laboured, but concede 2 shit goals. Have to put chances away and feel like there's a way to score more. I would think Maupay is about to come on. Need that movement up top.

They have 2 killer games to follow, so might be thinking they should be at their best against us, but i think we're in with a chance today, so want 3 points come close to 5pm. Fack em.

My bicycle had a fiendish slip and crash last night, so i feel in general a little bruised and doomladen, but am anticipating a good show at West Ham today. Finish overtime at 1.30, and then will tube it and hobble a tad the rest of the way. Just hope we've had this time in training to perfect...

Jolly good news. Shame he's aged 3 years in this loan spell. Are argentinian years like dog years?

Guirassy junior high?

I'll be ******* my way out of Europe, perhaps with the aid of a few pics of a newly-signed ace striker's WAG, or mum.

I found the Lighthouse visually arresting, but might wait for it to be on the telly, with subtitles on so i can fully grasp the archaic and characterful waffle. I'm looking forward to Parasite. Kept missing previews of it, and i don't think i will pay £15 for one this week considering it is out...

I don't mind the likes of Hopkins being publicly embarrassed, but i am not sure that can ever really happen and, like Trump, any coverage is good coverage for these ghastly splats of partial humanity. And i certainly wouldn't congratulate her for liking attention and outrage and shouting horrid...

I can see him scoring in the north stand and going on a 2-minute aged hobble all the way to the Palace goons in the away end to celebrate maliciously with a 9-inch knee crunching slide.

During the recent autopsy, more than likely.

I made a partial ass of myself when going to see Waves on Saturday eve. Yes, you guessed it, i'd bought a ticket for the Sunday screening, so when sat there, with a young couple looking to take my seat and the one next to it, i smugly made out it was clearly mine, unearthing my mobile to dig out...

I would say imagine how good they would be if he didn't cast his blockheaded self in the key roles. His best film is when he didn't.