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Good idea.

A poor excuse. A working class fan would battle on in at all and every time. I used to go with a fellow called Horse who was little more than a fist and tongue. He used to get in for free, of course, before wet Barber insisted on hardcore inspection and Horse, flapping and heaving around in my...

This is about Koeman though.

A quorn ostrich (Quostrich). It'll be a shrunken version though, only 2ft high. The neck will have a bulge in it, and once we've gobbled through the factory-made frozen bird from the feet upwards, we'll find a quorn hedgehog, inside whose tummy we'll find a sprout. But not just any sprout. A...

Or snooker

I went to a cinema last night, and sat bubbling with wasteful rage. I chose The French Dispatch, by that ghastly annoyance Wes Anderson, and maybe thought that as The Grand Budapest Hotel was alright this one would be too. His mix of supposed cartoonish eccentricity and quaintness grates through...

They won't be expecting the Webster overhead kick, after The Computer volleys it forward from the kick-off flicked up to him Lamptey.

Beckham isn't the only one who goes to Victoria for advice. I had an issue with a pond-cleaning service who claimed to have found an otter in my 12ft-wide pond. They held its body aloft, and took a photo of it, whilst pointing at a divot in the lawn where they said it was building a riverbank...

It would be dreamy for Burnley to go down, the weasel-strangling racists.

So i saw it last eve, and by beatable bongo it's eye-meltingly attractive. Endlessly beautiful and transfixing, and ear-slappingly booming, but only marred a little by the dreary-faced Timothee Chalamet, action-dumbass Jason Momoa, and some of the backing track part-stolen from Crocodile Dundee...

Lallana is one dirty b*stard, which I never expected. He doesn't have it in him to be a purposeful tough guy, so just charges in shin first on someone. I like to see it, but chortle a little when it happens.

I might see this, although don't feel hugely enthused to do so. In terms of his other films, which have been good, i remember watching Incendies all that while ago, and thinking cor-what-a-cracker.

My main worry is that the replacement will ask the players to be fit. Blast!

I think i might write to the London Film Festival people and advise them to change the time of year it is on. Meade Jr has started primary school and has been felled with 3 viruses in 4 weeks, and the rash-caked diamond brings such ailments home, occasionally approaching me for emotional comfort...

He didn't even bother to try and dodge the gunfire in bits of it. He walked into open clear range. He must have one of Q's magical devices to make him seem like he is lying on the floor.

I'm now researching whether giraffes can be blown over more easily than zebras in strong winds, as my initial thought was that it would be a good day for Big Dan Burn.

Cor blooming gordon bennett mcblimey i find her to be devastatingly pretty.

I became somewhat restless in my chair through the last hour of No Time to Die. I'd had enough by then. Wasn't too bad, but an odd end to things though, seeming to say that it's a tradition best buried with a tad of ridicule. Hot chicks not really swooning, tuxedos barely donned, and Bond...

I heard that the coach driver, in a shocked state, came and laid 2 soggy brown deposits in random boots for a pair of players to return home and nose-singeingly unearth.

If i were Solly i would take a legal drug that would massively enhance my curly midriff bush. Unashamedly having a Cucurella ticklingly spilling out of his shorts would impress and bamboozle.