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The master of the gangly double stepover

I reckon that hugehandedness is a must for keepers, and Bobby Sanchez looks to have the sort of palm that could envelope at least one human head. Add that likelihood to the fact that Palace fans are pickled-onion-brain-size people, one of his giant paws could easily clasp 9 of their wee bitter...

I'd only accept a point if we were to play then right now, with our team just having a look around the stadium and feeling the crusty grass, whilst Palace come out in full playing kit, with the referee and linespersons, saying GAME ON. Our lads have to play in split jeans and flip flops. Ok, a...

Yeah it's on at the London Film Festival, but only the final night, and not on one of the more affordable repeat daytime showings. So i'll have to sit and wait for a bit. I will be able to, at last though, introduce my 4 year old son to Latvian animation. So not all is lost.

I remain alive. If i had listened whilst crossing a bridge that i wasn't that far from, the outcome may have been splash-splatteringly different. I'll listen again as bedtime approaches, but with all sharp objects, and my pet scorpion, Steve, out of my reach.

I'll be tuning at lunchtime for some DULLARD's guest appearance on Guardian Football Weekly.

I'd be up for having a corner of the stadium, capacity no more than 500, of ravenous and drug-fuelled mayhem-hunters, increasingly naked as the game progresses and disappointment and joy magnify and strip attendees. They'd be manoeuvred out at halftime to bathe in bubblesome lager vats, whilst...

Either of the ones starring Jaws.

I went along to Annette on Saturday evening, and felt initially stunned and invigorated with the opening track, the tone set for something fulsome and enlivened. But midway through i began to drop off a bit. Driver was good, but not at all likeable, or greatly interesting, or mellifluous, either...

Connolly seems to have a very heavy head. His neck muscles can withstand the general workload, but once his equilibrium is shaken, the weight of the bonce sends his entirety floorwards.

There'll always be spiteful clowns with squeezable flowers of bile to squirt with nefarious glee, but i am sure they are repeatedly trained to ignore such fiendish twaddle and concentrate on their game. If i were him i would train, train, train and train to get back into that zone where...

Shaven?

I'm no Miyagi, but i find it quite easy to clap my hands and squash such a small flappy bugger in mid-air. What i dislike about fruit flies is that the second one is pounded an identical clone fuit fly appears, hovering and drunkenly swaying like a moron.

I am hairy hairy happy.

Went to see The Nest today, and found it quite compelling. It's the 80s and finances and a facade that cannot last, whilst the family that live in and of it cannot survive with or without each other. A new chap at my work says he won't watch this film as he wants to generally wallop Jude Law's...

Do we have a £39.50 buy-back clause?

Hold the Nervez.

Seemed to by funnier without a script, and when that was the case was just brilliant. Very saddening that he won't brighten my Friday nights on the box.

It did have me thinking that for chunks of the film, yeah.

£4.90 for a ticket down t'Picturehouse on a Monday night? Don't mind if i diddly. So i went to see Wildland - the Danish title is Flesh and Blood, which is probably more fitting. Joyously it co-starred Sidse Babbet Knudsen, who i still feel so warmly toward since Borgen, on the telly. But this...