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Fookin' disgracefull performace again from a Premiershite ref. Gerrard should already have walked after booting the ball at the player on the ground and his studs up challenge and Fat Frank's challenge really didn't merit it. 2 mins later Mike Riley is smiling like a f'n Cheshire cat at Gerrard...

You can get a Canal+ card from Scandinavia. I pay about 20 quid a month in Denmark and get 3 channels showing different games on Saturday, the early and late games and virtually all the week games (Premiershite). Bit like using Sky abroad you'd need to get a card from Scandinavia somehow, which...

Saalbach in Feb. for some top slopes and some strange retro Austrian afterski with cowsheds full of Rudi Voller lookalikes. If near Seattle - also try Crystal Mountain, good runs, a lot closer to Seattle and some top notch views of Mount Rainier.

I'm Fu*ked. I get paid in pounds in the UK - live in Denmark where I pay 50% income tax on my converted pounds and have to pay national insurance in the UK where it is 3% higher than Danish national insurance. Monthly pay packet has now fallen 25% in a year! In return my Danish house is now...

Exactly - and sadly I speak from experience. For me the traffic police can't do enough...

Holy Hiney Batman

Scott Deportivo WANKA McGleish

Just lost 600 quid with Sterling Airlines going down the pan last night, but this numpty and his thread put a smile on my face this morning !

I thought it was ace, when I woke up I told all the doctors and nurses to kiss each other and that I loved them, I was in a state of euphoria - for half an hour or so. Then you'll need some morphine to keep the pain at bay for the next day... Epidural and a happy pill was great too - could see...

When going on a cheese tasting trip to Switzerland, save money by drilling holes in Asda economy cheddar and taking it with you.

Scottish table tennis moanster Jock McMurray styled his hair on BROCCOLI after taking a piece of said vegetable into Trevor SORBET'S hair emporium in the Gorbles. BROCCOLI McMURRAY

Campylobacter - after I miserably heated a Scotch egg in a microwave. Shit, blood and vomiting for a few days - and I even had to send a sample of my turd in the post to the Danish serum institute before the doctor would give me antibiotics. I'd love to open the post at that place....

That my sir is bollocks.

Club 18 or Club 37 on Istegade and ask for the "Fraekt fadøl". Not particularly nice places but you'll get a fanny pulled pint. She may also then fire the pulling implement across the bar at you... Maxim's strip bar nearby is fairly cheap as strip bars go - free entry if early doors and a fiver...

Moist

I hear Halling is a Norwegian name, strange that, I normally associate it with Teutonic sausage munchers. Also... "EIVIND BAKKEN tied last year with Tom Løvli for Norway's highest halling kick, and he finished in a virtual tie for top halling dancer in all of Norway, just a half point behind...

Saltdean Tigers Whitehawk (with Chappers) Saltdean United Vanloese IF Copenhagen Celtic FC Gaulois I'm international I am.

"Cowboy" in a Brokeback Mountain kind of way.

You'll be putting your LOGS on the fire and roasting your NUTS next...

I think that is exactly what he did.... P.S. She's a NUTTER.