Why does life with a woman have to be so difficult

[Les Biehn]

The thing that annoys me about women is that they are aware they behave in this irrational, illogical way but seem to think it is perfectly justified. In fact they seem to think we are out of order for not getting it.

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

oh digweed. women do not ever say anything they mean. ever.

this converstaion started about three weeks ago between me and mrs starry

me - [being thoughtful and nice] since you are stuck here (in hospital) with the baby shall i make a start on the children's presents?

mrs starry - yes what a great idea, you think of some thigns i'll do the same and when you come in tomorrow we'll make a list.

[tomorrow]

me - i thought callum would like this, francesca that, romilly one of those and oisin some of that.

mrs starry - what? what are you thinking? those are not good presents for the children. honestly. here is my list get them these things and we'll go from there.

me - oh. ok then [going to buy my ideas as well anyway] are we doing presents for each other or shall we treat ourselves to something else.

mrs starry - oh lets give it a miss, i am busy here with the baby and can't get away from the hospital. we can do something together in the new year.

me - ok sounds good to me.

[few days later, had started shopping for the children's bits]

me - here is your list, i have marked everything off that i ordered.

mrs starry - look at this coat (thrusting a magazine under my nose) isn't it nice.

me - yes lovely. i got oisin that....

mrs starry - ooooh look at these shoes.

me - they didn't have that for francesca so i get her this other one...

mrs starry - there is a beautiful necklace in .....

me - oh really, callum is asking for a globe.

mrs starry - you aren't listening. i am trying to drop subtle hints.

me - subtle hints about what?

mrs starry - things i like.

me - things you like for what?

mrs starry - presents, you know, presents for christmas.

me - oh i thought we said we weren't going to bother and were going to do something in the new year.

mrs starry - oh i don't think i said that.

me - oh you did.

mrs starry - are you sure? i am tired i probably didn't mean that.

me - so are we buying for one another.

mrs starry [eyerolling, hands on hips] - sigh, huff, tut tut, no, i can tell you can't be bothered.

me - no, we decided

mrs starry - see you don't let me finish...

me - but i thought

mrs starry - no you never think

------ so i decided to get her the coat and shoes and whatever she shoved in my face.

[about two weeks later, on he phone]

me - i have almost all the presents, it just needs to be wrapped. i thought i would get [niece] to wrap them

mrs starry - oh no dont do that, i like to wrap them, save them until i am around and i will do it.

me - ok. can i bring you anything in?

mrs starry - no its fine, just bring some snacks for romilly.

[few hours later at hospital]

mrs starry - where is the washing?

me - what washing?

mrs starry - oisin and my clothes you took home?

me - oh at home, i have washed and folded them.

mrs starry - so why didn't you bring them.

me - i didn't think you wanted them? you didn't ask.

mrs starry - do i have to remind you about everything. did you ask [niece] to do the wrapping?

and on and on and ariston.

running opposite now here.

Dear Mr Starry

I sympathise with you but surely you've been through this enough times to know what's going on. After the birth of a baby mummy's brain is all over the place and it's our job to not only pretened that it isn't here there and everywhere but also to be able to perfectly predict that scattered mind and when ever possible preempt that mind. And if, by any chance, she comepletly loses it we take all the blame, smile and plod on as the slightly silly and troublesome hubbie who's only trying to do his best (even if it's not good enough)..... the theory of course is that in a few months time it'll all go back to normal.

I love my wife to death but the first four months after the birth of our daughter was the hardest in our marriage and it was only the sheer stupifiction that our daughter brought on that stopped the raising of voices.

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

... that and my infinite patience

 

[The Wookiee]

When a woman says they are fine it usually means they are,
f***ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional !! or
Feeling Inadequate, Needing Encouragement !!

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

The only sensible thing about Women is that they are not sensible.

Forget reason and logic...try and work on an emotional level..

BUT.

You are a bloke and therefore emotion is not an option, unless you are a good liar or a bit Gay.

There is a direct correlation here. By and Large, the more upset and emotional a Woman becomes, the more withdrawn and quiet a Man becomes, ever wondered why during an argument with a Woman a Man becomes more and more defensive and obstructive?

Because boys cannot handle their Mums crying, so go into "Protect" mode, they want to run out of the cave and kill whatever is upsetting the female...but mostly, in modern life, that would mean running out of the cave and killing themselves.

Just recognising that men are basically Monkeys, and should never be allowed or expected to deal with matters of the heart goes a long way to the perfect balance.

You've been redaing Men from Mars Women from Venus haven't you!

 

[Tesco in Disguise]

women: you can't live with them, you can't live with them.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

The harsh reality is when a woman starts to go off you there is nothing on Gods earth that will prevent this happening. They can turn like the wind through absolutely no fault of yourself and no amount of soul searching or replaying of events to try and get a clue why this has happened will do any good.

The cards and flowers is more likely to push them away quicker as is becoming weak and pleading, the treat them mean I am not sure works either. On the toss up the later is better, just say " ok you have your time " and walk away, if she has any feelings she will come back to you, if not , well at least you have walked away with your head held high and your pride intact no matter how much it hurts.

" you have not been charged for this information "

 

[Seagullible]

best thing to do when a woman is upset is to walk away and give them room

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

best thing to do when a woman is upset is to walk away and give them room

I agree but you do lose the risk of losing her completely. I think the greatest ever example of how to play it was Fat Boy Slim and Zoe Ball when she did the dirty on him. She came back to him. Many blokes would have kicked her out, he must really love her. Big respect to Fat Boy. Played it perfect and got the girl.

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

best thing to do when a woman is upset is to walk away and give them room

But dont look like you are ignoring them!

 

[Djmiles]

When a woman says they are fine it usually means they are,
f***ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional !! or
Feeling Inadequate, Needing Encouragement !!

 

[Meade's Ball]

Nothing is ever quite right, is it. And if it was, then the relationship with another would be over. No challenge, no question, no possiblity of loss or betrayal, no concern, no test, no debate, no conflict, no embrace, just an endless, talkless concurrence of gormless adoration.
To struggle and learn so gradually is a blessing in itself. Otherwise it's a case of sending off for a programmed roboclown who giggles approvingly at one's Nic Kershaw's musical impressions or what one says about the excessive need of some disableds or bows wantonly every time one flashes a silver medal won in an 8-man, 3-legged egg and spoon race in 1982. She'll arrive ready and boxed, her battery buzzing and oiled, too electrified to lick the tip of.

I find myself getting angriest in a relationship if my partner agrees with me too much, or if they seem too easily and plainly understood.

 

[csider]

When women say they are fine they should mean it. Luckily my wooooman is pretty chilled about whatever I do and does not get too pissed off. The time when she does is when we have an arrangement and i renage, thats acceptable. Wasnt too happy about me going lap dancing the other week, then said we should go together......told her where to get off, next she may invite me to see the Adonis Cabaret!!

In general woman are bonkers.

 

[Wardy]

oh digweed. women do not ever say anything they mean. ever.

this converstaion started about three weeks ago between me and mrs starry

me - [being thoughtful and nice] since you are stuck here (in hospital) with the baby shall i make a start on the children's presents?

mrs starry - yes what a great idea, you think of some thigns i'll do the same and when you come in tomorrow we'll make a list.

[tomorrow]

me - i thought callum would like this, francesca that, romilly one of those and oisin some of that.

mrs starry - what? what are you thinking? those are not good presents for the children. honestly. here is my list get them these things and we'll go from there.

me - oh. ok then [going to buy my ideas as well anyway] are we doing presents for each other or shall we treat ourselves to something else.

mrs starry - oh lets give it a miss, i am busy here with the baby and can't get away from the hospital. we can do something together in the new year.

me - ok sounds good to me.

[few days later, had started shopping for the children's bits]

me - here is your list, i have marked everything off that i ordered.

mrs starry - look at this coat (thrusting a magazine under my nose) isn't it nice.

me - yes lovely. i got oisin that....

mrs starry - ooooh look at these shoes.

me - they didn't have that for francesca so i get her this other one...

mrs starry - there is a beautiful necklace in .....

me - oh really, callum is asking for a globe.

mrs starry - you aren't listening. i am trying to drop subtle hints.

me - subtle hints about what?

mrs starry - things i like.

me - things you like for what?

mrs starry - presents, you know, presents for christmas.

me - oh i thought we said we weren't going to bother and were going to do something in the new year.

mrs starry - oh i don't think i said that.

me - oh you did.

mrs starry - are you sure? i am tired i probably didn't mean that.

me - so are we buying for one another.

mrs starry [eyerolling, hands on hips] - sigh, huff, tut tut, no, i can tell you can't be bothered.

me - no, we decided

mrs starry - see you don't let me finish...

me - but i thought

mrs starry - no you never think

------ so i decided to get her the coat and shoes and whatever she shoved in my face.

[about two weeks later, on he phone]

me - i have almost all the presents, it just needs to be wrapped. i thought i would get [niece] to wrap them

mrs starry - oh no dont do that, i like to wrap them, save them until i am around and i will do it.

me - ok. can i bring you anything in?

mrs starry - no its fine, just bring some snacks for romilly.

[few hours later at hospital]

mrs starry - where is the washing?

me - what washing?

mrs starry - oisin and my clothes you took home?

me - oh at home, i have washed and folded them.

mrs starry - so why didn't you bring them.

me - i didn't think you wanted them? you didn't ask.

mrs starry - do i have to remind you about everything. did you ask [niece] to do the wrapping?

and on and on and ariston.

running opposite now here.

I have a friend who had the conversation last year. The only difference being they "agreed" to get a token present. He went out and spent £50 on a pen that she had been looking at. All the time hoping that she did not get to upset that he had spent so much.

Come Christmas day and they watch the kids unwrap etc and while they are playing with their new toys he says I know that we said we would only get a little something but...

At this point she broke in and said I am glad that you did not listern to me. She walked off and come back with a new laptop, a vocher for a daus off road racing to mention a couple of things.

She then preceded to have the hump for the rest of the day because he had only brought her a pen. My advice is when they say not to buy or only buy something small, buy a range of things and only give them their presents when you have received yours.

 

[pasty]

I have a friend who had the conversation last year. The only difference being they "agreed" to get a token present. He went out and spent £50 on a pen that she had been looking at. All the time hoping that she did not get to upset that he had spent so much.

Come Christmas day and they watch the kids unwrap etc and while they are playing with their new toys he says I know that we said we would only get a little something but...

At this point she broke in and said I am glad that you did not listern to me. She walked off and come back with a new laptop, a vocher for a daus off road racing to mention a couple of things.

She then preceded to have the hump for the rest of the day because he had only brought her a pen. My advice is when they say not to buy or only buy something small, buy a range of things and only give them their presents when you have received yours.

Oh god. Because we're going away from Chrsitmas and New Year, we've "agreed" not to go mad on presents. Am I in trouble ?

 

[Freddie Goodwin.]

I've had 30 years with my Mrs and still haven't a clue as to 'why'. I have learned how to live with certain moods and just accept them.

If mrs agrees that I can go out then I know, & sometimes look forward to, the few days of silent treatment that will probably follow.

 

[1066gull]

A few weeks ago;

Recieved a phone call from girl that shes in distress because this guy won't let her through the door towards her room. All of us, me and my three boy friends (that sounds so wrong) and two girls go outside to find her upset. Us guys go to the door where the guy is, apparently had taken drugs mixed with alcohol. Had acted violently with one of us and struggled to take him down. Had his stomach pumped as we called for the police and the ambulance.

Few days ago;

It appears they have been f***ing and going out.


What the f***?

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

er.....dear 10066.....help me out here but what the f*** or you dribbling on about. That post is possibly as close to nonsense in its dictionary description as you can get. Just some letters cobbled together for seemingly no reason - or have I quite possibly missed the point.

I hoepe I have otherwise I suspect you may have just posted the biggest vomit of guff I have read in years.

quite extraordinary.......
*exists stage left wondering whether time has taken it's toll and there are simply just no standards in grammar these days.......and looks back through post to see if he has spelt anything wrong as have alluded to grammar shortfalls in others' posts and thinks back to the days when NSC would flame anyone for this sort of transgression and then realises that this stage exit has taken too long and lost its dramatic effect. Turns round considering moving back into the dramatic tundra of centre stage but then realises this will just look feeble and poorly timed. So halts mid turn, casts furtive glance to audience and then wheels off and heads back to dressing room avoiding glances and inquisitive looks from fellow actors trying to gauge whether my moment on stage has gone well or not and if they have a difficult act to follow........yes this could go on for some time....where was I?*

 

[Bad Ash]

<snip> had taken drugs mixed with alcohol <snip> It appears they have been f***ing and going out.

You need to follow this guys lead, he knows how to live life!

 

[ATFC Seagull]

A few weeks ago;

Recieved a phone call from girl that shes in distress because this guy won't let her through the door towards her room. All of us, me and my three boy friends (that sounds so wrong) and two girls go outside to find her upset. Us guys go to the door where the guy is, apparently had taken drugs mixed with alcohol. Had acted violently with one of us and struggled to take him down. Had his stomach pumped as we called for the police and the ambulance.

Few days ago;

It appears they have been f***ing and going out.


What the f***?

So basically a female acquaintance of yours at uni was having some sort of drink/pill-induced row with a bloke she's been shagging? Sounds like perfectly normal uni life to me mate, christ the things my flatmates dragged me into in my first year...