pasty
A different kind of pasty
with or without onions and mustard ?
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It's the little things that annoy you the most.
- Thread starter Stat Brother
- Start date
with or without onions and mustard ?
tedebear
Legal Alien
scooter1
How soon is now?
People who have to have fecking pointless CONVERSATIONS in shops despite the size of the queues building up behind them.
So to the man in the Post Office this week who clearly thought he was God's Gift to Entertaining Repartee as he wittered on ENDLESSLY to the poor woman who had to serve him, here's what I say unto you:
I don't want to be in possession of the more personal details of your life. In particular, I am staggeringly uninteresting in learning, down to the last Great British Pound, the various quotes you received for moving your furniture to the new house you've bought in Seaford. Not that I needed to know where you were moving to. Neither do I want confirmation that "it's turned out nice again this afternoon". Because it's back out there, in the sunshine, that I'd rather be. Ideally before global warming causes the earth to catch fire. How many books of stamps do you think you need? I don't know. Neither does the Post Office clerk. So it might have been useful to do this simple calculation beforehand. But why worry? It'll probably be quicker if the rest of us in the queue that is now stretching out into the street offer to walk your letters to their destination. And finally, how fortunate you are that my terrier is so reliably trained. Otherwise I'd have sent him off to water your leg since it is clear that only desperate measures will ever stop your mindless verbal meanderings.
Franks Wild Years
New member
Once I've got rid of the globby white stains on my trousers from the CD/magazine glue(Honest) I often think to myself "I'll go for a little drive, to calm down"
Only I CANT GET INTO THE CAR because MRS WILDY YEARS HAS USED IT AND LEFT THE SEAT ABOUT 2 INCHES FROM THE WINDSCREEN COS SHE'S GOT SHORT DAINTY LADIES LEGS. JUST PUT THE BLOODY SEAT BACK PLEASE.
Only I CANT GET INTO THE CAR because MRS WILDY YEARS HAS USED IT AND LEFT THE SEAT ABOUT 2 INCHES FROM THE WINDSCREEN COS SHE'S GOT SHORT DAINTY LADIES LEGS. JUST PUT THE BLOODY SEAT BACK PLEASE.
tedebear
Legal Alien
At least the seat moves you ungrateful man, Zef has fixed the seat in the race car at just the right distance away so I can't reach the pedals....how rude that he doesn't want me to drive it!!
Franks Wild Years
New member
At least the seat moves you ungrateful man, Zef has fixed the seat in the race car at just the right distance away so I can't reach the pedals....how rude that he doesn't want me to drive it!!
Excellent idea. Thanks Tede.
tedebear
Legal Alien
Excellent idea. Thanks Tede.
The downside to his plan is that he can't arrive at the paddock and swan about chatting to people whilst I unload the car, and set up or pack up - as I can't drive it on and or off the trailer!! tee hee hee
Meade's Ball
Well-known member
I think the almost invisible thing that irks me most of all is the smirk and satisfaction on strangers' faces. I don't imagine they've all got it in for me or are giggling mentally at the vegetative shape of my skull or clocking my head open with a ladel as i sleep and sucking the gooey assets in it's gulp, but i guess from their expression that they are simply better than me. They seem the sort who find five pound notes in gutters or rolled up at the bottom of charity-shop pockets more than most. They're white and unfreckled and proud and unthreatened and at ease. They must be undemanding of life as fortune often bares itself on their over-valued jumble sale kitchen table, skidding along the outside of their chopping knives leaving chancey blood-strokes as warning of where not to thoughtlessly touch. I hope to spot something on the back of their trousers, a chewing gummage or an accident waiting to happen, but there never is as they simply have it without question, while i just sombrely envy in riposte.
leonidas
Go tell the Spartans
People that say - 6AM in the morning! I know 6AM is in the morning, it's not in the bloody afternoon is it.
Useless aren't theyBesides we should all be taking our own reusable bags to the supermarket now shouldn't we!!
Proof positive that shopping is womens work.
TSB
Captain Hindsight
People who have to have fecking pointless CONVERSATIONS in shops despite the size of the queues building up behind them.
So to the man in the Post Office this week who clearly thought he was God's Gift to Entertaining Repartee as he wittered on ENDLESSLY to the poor woman who had to serve him, here's what I say unto you:
I don't want to be in possession of the more personal details of your life. In particular, I am staggeringly uninteresting in learning, down to the last Great British Pound, the various quotes you received for moving your furniture to the new house you've bought in Seaford. Not that I needed to know where you were moving to. Neither do I want confirmation that "it's turned out nice again this afternoon". Because it's back out there, in the sunshine, that I'd rather be. Ideally before global warming causes the earth to catch fire. How many books of stamps do you think you need? I don't know. Neither does the Post Office clerk. So it might have been useful to do this simple calculation beforehand. But why worry? It'll probably be quicker if the rest of us in the queue that is now stretching out into the street offer to walk your letters to their destination. And finally, how fortunate you are that my terrier is so reliably trained. Otherwise I'd have sent him off to water your leg since it is clear that only desperate measures will ever stop your mindless verbal meanderings.
And on that note: People who take dogs into shops!
tedebear
Legal Alien
Proof positive that shopping is womens work.
Quite so don't get arsey when we spend £150....
tedebear
Legal Alien
More generally, small pointless dogs.
Frank Inkerman
Veteran of the Crimea
People who ask - "where are going on holiday, somewhere nice?"
No of course not !! I have deliberately chosen to go somewhere that I think is horrible !!
No of course not !! I have deliberately chosen to go somewhere that I think is horrible !!
Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
What a timely point.
At lunchtime today, as I made my way back to the bar from the pub garden, my trouserleg was savaged by a small jack russell called \"Emily\". The owner pulled the little bitch back sharply and chastised her for her impudence. But it didn;t seem to occur to Emily that I could have quite easily drop-kicked her out of the garden and across the other side of the road with just one swift straightforward swing of my leg.
I rather wish I had now.
You would have been within your rights*
*unless you were wearing Ian-Poulteresque comedy trousers or posh person's Red trousers, in which case Emily was well within her rights to bite you.
*unless you were wearing Ian-Poulteresque comedy trousers or posh person's Red trousers, in which case Emily was well within her rights to bite you.
pasty
A different kind of pasty
Oh god, don't start me on that. There's a whole heap of really stupid fecking questions people ask in stupid situations:
If someone has lost their keys for instance, the usual question is - Well where did you lose them? If I knew that I would know where they were dumbass.
If someone has been knocked over and is writhing around on the floor in agony, you can guarantee some fuckwit will come up and ask - Are you allright?
You come indoors dripping wet from head to foot, you will almost certainly be asked, Is it raining out?
etc etc
Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Why have Falmer District Council been calling you ?