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Help with divorce
- Thread starter BIRCHYBOY27
- Start date
Dave the OAP
Well-known member
Tony Meolas Loan Spell said:
she is obviously a SLUT FACED WHORE
Lush
Mods' Pet
Besides, what would you prefer TMLS? That she works every hour god sends and doesn't claim Tax Credits and the kids are left at after school clubs and child minders because she can't be there for them? I know it hurts and doesn't seem FAIR but you have to think what's best for the kids upbringing. That's how the court sees it anyway.
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Tony Meolas Loan Spell
Slut Faced Whores
Lush said:
Basically it should be up to me to pay what I want and what I can afford bearing in mind her actions.
I dont want some government dept telling me what I should and shouldnt pay based on her actions.
At the end of the day the kids would never have been without a home in this case because both sets of grandparents have 3 bedroom houses with two bedrooms going spare.
As far as im concerned my child support payment should have been you've got the house love! Isnt that enough!!!!!
TMLS, I got my 'revenge' on him by meeting a younger man two years later and having a better marriage the second time around than the first one ever was.
He's still with his younger model but as miserable as sin (there's no trust between them as she left her husband) and I am very happy with Ned.
That's by far the best way.
He's still with his younger model but as miserable as sin (there's no trust between them as she left her husband) and I am very happy with Ned.
That's by far the best way.
Beach Hut
Brighton Bhuna Boy
Lush said:
If this has happened is it any wonder we keep losing
Isn't it all about trying to do the decent thing?
My wife and I are separated and when we sold our house I offered her most of the proceedings so that her and my daughter were able to find a decent home to live in. I've continued to pay 100% of the childcare costs and, let's be honest, nursery fees are far from cheap. I also offered what I have since discovered is a 'maintenance' figure far beyond what the CSA is likely to rule. And, despite the fact I pay this money, I don't see that as the end of my commitments - I'll often buy my daughter clothes etc when I happen to see stuff she'll like, not to mention ad hoc things like tennis lessons etc.
I didn't need anyone to tell me I HAD to do this. I'm not trying to buy my way out of any guilt. I'm doing it because it is important that both my (still) wife and my daughter are able to live as comfortably as possible.
When I received my last pay rise at work I offered to pass on some of that and pay more per month than I currently do, but my wife refused saying I already pay for more than enough.
Of course money is far from the be all and end all in these things, but it is a part unfortunately.
My wife and I are separated and when we sold our house I offered her most of the proceedings so that her and my daughter were able to find a decent home to live in. I've continued to pay 100% of the childcare costs and, let's be honest, nursery fees are far from cheap. I also offered what I have since discovered is a 'maintenance' figure far beyond what the CSA is likely to rule. And, despite the fact I pay this money, I don't see that as the end of my commitments - I'll often buy my daughter clothes etc when I happen to see stuff she'll like, not to mention ad hoc things like tennis lessons etc.
I didn't need anyone to tell me I HAD to do this. I'm not trying to buy my way out of any guilt. I'm doing it because it is important that both my (still) wife and my daughter are able to live as comfortably as possible.
When I received my last pay rise at work I offered to pass on some of that and pay more per month than I currently do, but my wife refused saying I already pay for more than enough.
Of course money is far from the be all and end all in these things, but it is a part unfortunately.
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just make sure she gets everything legally wrote up. i dunno if already mentioned on here but, even if she thinks he will be fair about things, situations always change. i know my wifes ex husband was fine to start with what with maintainance etc. he even agreed the house should go to my wife. which was also fine until she met me.
then things started changing, even though my wife had two children with him. and i look after them with my own child aswell. he re married and has 2 further children, despite all this he still has managed to cost us around 80grand upto now. even though i paid the mortguage on the house for around 4 to 5 years before he decided he wanted his share of it.
he went about it like this. 1st of all he asked us to get him off of the mortgauge so he could move on, we sorted it out cost us a few hundred and took the papers to him to sign. relieving him of the mortgauge. he said i have changed my mind will not sign them, want some money, etc.
at the end of the day he got loads of money from us that we couldnt afford to give him. 2 years later on im still working away from home all the time just to pay the w**ker.
after dragging us through everything he is now moving to canada. and we are trying to sort maintainance out for the kids before he goes which is another legal battle again. he says he dont have to pay as he will be out of the uk durastriction. and he only has paid voluntary before now to show his love to his children.
so morale of story is get a solicitor to legally write anything up that she agrees with the ex.
then things started changing, even though my wife had two children with him. and i look after them with my own child aswell. he re married and has 2 further children, despite all this he still has managed to cost us around 80grand upto now. even though i paid the mortguage on the house for around 4 to 5 years before he decided he wanted his share of it.
he went about it like this. 1st of all he asked us to get him off of the mortgauge so he could move on, we sorted it out cost us a few hundred and took the papers to him to sign. relieving him of the mortgauge. he said i have changed my mind will not sign them, want some money, etc.
at the end of the day he got loads of money from us that we couldnt afford to give him. 2 years later on im still working away from home all the time just to pay the w**ker.
after dragging us through everything he is now moving to canada. and we are trying to sort maintainance out for the kids before he goes which is another legal battle again. he says he dont have to pay as he will be out of the uk durastriction. and he only has paid voluntary before now to show his love to his children.
so morale of story is get a solicitor to legally write anything up that she agrees with the ex.
Tony Meolas Loan Spell
Slut Faced Whores
Lush said:Besides, what would you prefer TMLS? That she works every hour god sends and doesn't claim Tax Credits and the kids are left at after school clubs and child minders because she can't be there for them? I know it hurts and doesn't seem FAIR but you have to think what's best for the kids upbringing. That's how the court sees it anyway.
Yes because she should have THOUGHT about that BEFORE she had the affair. Especially with some tosser who didnt have a pot to piss in.
You reap what you sow.
Besides the kids have two sets of doting grandparents. One set retired. No way would after school clubs and child minders be on the cards!
I know thats how the courts see it mate.
But now she has a new bloke and getting married to him (he therefore becomes their step father) and I still have to pay the same amount, yet he is making a commitment to her and my kids!!!
And at the same time I have to live as well. Or shall I just live at my parents until such time as they die and leave me the house?
Im just about covering the mortgage as it is.
Lush
Mods' Pet
Tony Meolas Loan Spell said:
No - the kids are more important than punishing her for being a SLUT FACED WHORE.
I dont want some government dept telling me what I should and shouldnt pay based on her actions. [/QUOTE]
No-one likes it, but it sounds as though you wouldn't want to pay her enough to take care of the kids properly, because you want to punish her for being a SLUT FACED WHORE.
At the end of the day the kids would never have been without a home in this case because both sets of grandparents have 3 bedroom houses with two bedrooms going spare. [/QUOTE]
And that's a good place for a child to grow up in, is it, rather than the family home where they've lived for however many years?
As far as im concerned my child support payment should have been you've got the house love! Isnt that enough!!!!! [/QUOTE]
No. Kids are expensive and looking after kids is expensive, especially if you can't get a decent job because you haven't worked much or at all for years while you were bringing them up.
British Bulldog
The great escape
- Feb 6, 2006
- 10,971
Yorkie said:
It does'nt matter now because between the csa payments and me being off long term sick with stress I ended up homeless and it ultimatly ended up with me moving back in to the family home.
When I was assesed by the CSA they wanted 8 weeks worth of payslips to assess me on, Unfortunatly the 8 weeks they wanted I had worked excessive overtime including bank holidays over the easter period which I explained to them but they would'nt listen. The upshot was they left me paying well over a third of my wages to the CSA.
British Bulldog said:
What's the benchmark here? Over a third of my monthly take-home money goes to my wife and daughter.
Lush
Mods' Pet
Tony Meolas Loan Spell said:
Maybe she should have thought first, but haven't you ever acted first, thought second? Anyway you should hope she does marry him as you will then only be responsible for payments for the kids and not her and you can make him "pay to live in your house' :not sure:
British Bulldog
The great escape
- Feb 6, 2006
- 10,971
Bozza said:
The benchmark was that it left me no money to take the kids out ( when she let me see them that is ) and very little money to live on, And I thought the CSA stood for child support agency not ex wife support agency!
Tony Meolas Loan Spell
Slut Faced Whores
Im only paying for the kids at the moment thankfully.
As far as working goes when we split the kids were 3 and 2. She had been working full time up until the birth of the first. She had a good job in a building society on the career ladder. So its not one of these cases where hadnt been working for 10 or 12 years or whatever.
The whole syatem stinks they dont think about what the impact is on the INNOCENT party.
They dont take the FACTS into account. Its too black and white.
As far as working goes when we split the kids were 3 and 2. She had been working full time up until the birth of the first. She had a good job in a building society on the career ladder. So its not one of these cases where hadnt been working for 10 or 12 years or whatever.
The whole syatem stinks they dont think about what the impact is on the INNOCENT party.
They dont take the FACTS into account. Its too black and white.
British Bulldog said:
as im living with 3 kids (2 from my wife previous marriage) and 1 of my own. i dont think the maintainance is anywhere near enough to bring kids up properly. my wifes ex has money to get pissed etc when he likes. and i very rarely can afford a new pair of jeans nevermind going out and wasteing money on beer or football. most men have not got a clue how much it cost to raise children unless they are actually living with them on a daily basis.
an taking the kids out anywhere rarely do i get the time or money to take them any places (unless its really cheap). like a picnic in a park or something.
differance is when we have any money its the kids that get treated. when he has money its him that gets the treats.
not saying this is true in your case but it is true in many other situations.
British Bulldog
The great escape
- Feb 6, 2006
- 10,971
The bit that really annoys me with the system is that the CSA take so much of a blokes wages (as they did in my case) that you cant afford a reasonable place to live in, Then you get told that you cant have you own kids to stay overnight because the place your living in is inadequate for them to stay in!