[Drinking] Work Christmas parties

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Poor woman married to that slime ball...

I guess somebody had to marry @WATFORD zero

 

[WATFORD zero]

I guess somebody had to marry @WATFORD zero

At least this way, her kids don't have to play for Scotchland

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

At least this way, her kids don't have to play for Scotchland

Racialist!

 

[The Maharajah of Sydney]

Mid-eighties and the Futures Broker I was working for were soon to go into administration.
Christmas Party that year was a very paired back affair held in the office and Secret Santa's were the order of the day.
There were some very off gifts shared around.
A fish head, a soap dildo, Good Teeth Guide, a raw chicken, all up a lot weird and very random stuff.
At the end of the evening's festivities, Norm the accountant, good catholic and father of 6 young boys, decided to take the chicken home for his wife to cook for Sunday lunch.
Serving it up on the dining table, one of his boys asks, "Dad, why are there bubbles coming out of the back of the chicken ?
Norm now knew where the soap dildo had ended up....

 

[METALMICKY]

I worked at the BBC in several departments in 70s/80s. In one such place at xmas there was a deeply introverted middle-aged middle manager. He'd been there forever. Wouldn't say boo to a goose. Except for after the departmental xmas lunch. With drink taken, he'd rampage through the offices looking for female colleagues to, er, ravish. Their collective responses? They'd just lock their office doors until he inevitably gave up and passed out. This apparently had been going on for years without anybody ever thinking of raising a complaint

At the BBC I really can't believe that!

 

[METALMICKY]

 

[GT49er]

Great link!

 

[METALMICKY]

Great link!

Trust me it was funny. It's a Paddy Power based piss take of typical Xmas party antics. No idea why link failed. It's on you tube

 

[Iggle Piggle]

Mine could be a BELTER this year.

A couple of months ago, someone left our company in a blaze of glory calling his manager - and I quote - a "Geriatric little prick" (GLP) before storming out the office and taking the door off it's hinges in the process. He hasn't been seen since.

I've arranged an Xmas party for Thursday to which said manager has invited himself along. Some of the team are irked by this intrusion (myself included, plays havoc with the bookings and he should sort his own team out). Similarly, he obviously isn't the most liked individual.

Anyway, one of the team has texted Blaze of Glory saying it would be nice to catch up with him over a beer ommiting the rather important detail of GLP's presence.

I really hope I'm not disappointed.

 

[Solid at the back]

Two spring to mind. When I was out of work a few years ago I did some temp work for a company, went on their Christmas do, a bit of pool in that place off Preston Street followed by a meal at a Chinese restaurant nearby. Quite a few drinks in and we were waiting for our food for a while, when the director of the company started complaining about how long we were waiting for our food. The staff took serious offense to this and a punch up ensued between the staff of the restaurant and the director and his associates, the hosts came out on top, and had to go home hungry.

The second that comes to mind for my present company, a young lady who works for us had far too much to drink that she got totally naked infront of everyone, the directors nof the company included, and attempted to sleep under one of the tables whilst people were eating.

 

[Machiavelli]

Years ago, I had a work night out on a Thursday. This was an end of summer do, rather than Christmas.

A good time was had by all and I hopped on the 2am bus back from Brighton to Lewes. Being slightly inebriated, I promptly fell asleep and, predictably, I was awoken by the driver who informed me we were in Uckfield and it was about 3:30am. My vain search for a taxi was quickly given up and I resigned myself to a night sleeping rough. A bench didn't pass muster so I ended up kipping between a wall and fence behind the station, which, despite the gravel floor was rather comfortable.

Anyway, I woke up at 6ish, got the bus back to Lewes, fed the dogs, and bussed it back into Brighton for a day's work. When I got there I discovered my rough night had been thoroughly exceeded by a colleague, a woman in her late 40s, who had bottled someone and spent the night in the cells.

It's not a Xmas Party, but four of us worked in Oddbins in our 20s and we've been going out for lunches for a decade or so now, usually in London, pretty much always going to a BYO. Think it was the wonderful Medlar on the Kings Road. One of us lives in Kingston. Two in Brighton. The other in Southampton.
Kingston-bod got in a cab and made it back.
Us two Brighton folk managed to make it to Victoria and make it to the south coast. The problem was that he ended up in Worthing, and me in Eastbourne.
The Southampton one contrived to get the wrong train and ended up spending £300+ on a cab home.

On a previous occasion, I contrived to get on the train from Victoria with the other Brighton bod, not get off at Brighton, head back to Victoria, and finally managed to alight in Brighton courtesy of the last train home.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

@Machiavelli Story above reminded me that in my yoof I worked at Boots on the corner of North Street. It was perfect for a 16 year old lad as there was women everywhere. On the Sound and Vision counter, the downside was handing people empty photo packets which had got mangled in the photo machine that worked overtime. I can't remember how much I was paid but it wasn't enough to break the news to people their photos were knackered.

There were numerous occasions but the absolute lowlight being the old lady saying to me "but they were the last photos of my husband when he was alive" I also had the same conversation with Mrs Mcklusky from Grange Hill. I've never felt so intimidated. She was surprisingly sanguine.

Anyway, tradition dictated Xmas eve was pub at lunch. In those days the Pig in Paradise. We didn't have loads - we only had an hour - but it was enough for one poor girl to feel a bit queasy and throw up all over the payment counter whilst scanning a couple of beauty products. We never saw her again. Merry Christmas.

 

[jackalbion]

Someone got glassed at mine last week. Completely random attack off the street, bloke was on drugs or something, in Clerkenwell, I think I’m a magnet to these things.

 

[The Clamp]

Someone got glasses at mine last week. Completely random attack off the street, bloke was on drugs or something, in Clerkenwell, I think I’m a magnet to these things.

Secret Santa?

 

[Justice]

Someone got glasses at mine last week. Completely random attack off the street, bloke was on drugs or something, in Clerkenwell, I think I’m a magnet to these things.

Spec savers Christmas do in the same pub?

 

[METALMICKY]

Someone got glasses at mine last week. Completely random attack off the street, bloke was on drugs or something, in Clerkenwell, I think I’m a magnet to these things.

Feck me I'd be scared witless if someone lunged at me brandishing varifocals!

 

[Wes Tupper]

A few years ago we had a Xmas do in Derby. One of my colleagues caught the train home to Leicester. He called his wife to meet him at Leicester station and then managed to fall asleep. He was woken up at St Pancras and had to wait three hours for a train to take him back to Leicester. No, his wife wasn’t still waiting for him, but he managed to get into work for 9.00am, after two hours sleep.

 

[jackalbion]

Well I ruined that anecdote

 

[The Optimist]

I meant and had a photo with Chris Kamara on our Christmas do yesterday.

 

[Paulie Gualtieri]

Haven’t been to one since Covid and now remotely based but have found memories of the early noughties when people didn’t give a shit

I recall my first office job Xmas do and they layed on hotel rooms for everyone at the venue free of charge and had also had a free bar. I was 18 single and impressionable, what a night, Brent was right!