[Albion] Things which are not currently criminal offences but which absolutely should be

[Seat Stealer]

Van drivers, usually tradespeople, who deem it their divine right to double park outside the place they are working at. Take your tools into the job, park the vehicle and reverse the procedure at end of day. Do not leave it double parked all day......because you might need to change a screwdriver.

 

[Grombleton]

Heelies. Specifically, kids who wear them in supermarkets.

People who stop outside the door/end of the aisle to chat with people they've bumped into, simultaneously blocking access for every other bugger.

People who park infront of our loading bay at work, just to pop in to buy a quick paper/pack of fags. Yes we need the access. Yes I will instruct the HGV driver to plough through your car on his way in. Go park somewhere suitable.

People who park in disabled bays/parent and child bays without having a badge/child with them. I don't give a shit if it's closer, thats what the rest of the spaces are there for.

Being a fan of Razorlight

People who pose with loads of money. You're not a gangster, you're a ****.

People believing that Nandos is the equivalent to cuisine nirvana. It's Chicken, ffs.

People posting Gym selfies. You're there to work out, not to pose.

People that think owning a camera, however high end automatically makes them a photographer.

Utility companies failing to reward customer loyalty, choosing instead to drain their customers of more money for little extra benefit.

Radio 1

People who use the phrase 'goals' as something they aspire to.

Bananas.

 

[Norman Potting]

Posting pictures on FB and the like of workmen in flat caps working in dangerous locations without any sign of protective gear, and accompanying with captions along the line of "....in the good old days before all this H & S nonsense".

Aside from the fact that the poster has probably only ever worked in an office it should be compulsory for such posts to be accompanied by injury/fatality statistics on a "then and now" basis for the activity depicted.

 

[Nixonator]

Anybody using the saying "I could care less"

Edit: Summary execution for those who attempt to justify the use of the phrase as anything but a *******isation of the English language, such as "it's supposed to be ironic!".

 

[Juan Albion]

Saying 'thrice' instead of 'three times'.

Even if they only say it once? Err, I mean one time?

 

[DavidRyder]

People (predominantly women) that walk about with the mobile sticking 3 inches out of the back pocket of their jeans.

I think having it nicked seems like the most suitable punishment.

 

[pearl]

Heelies. Specifically, kids who wear them in supermarkets.

People who stop outside the door/end of the aisle to chat with people they've bumped into, simultaneously blocking access for every other bugger.

People who park infront of our loading bay at work, just to pop in to buy a quick paper/pack of fags. Yes we need the access. Yes I will instruct the HGV driver to plough through your car on his way in. Go park somewhere suitable.

People who park in disabled bays/parent and child bays without having a badge/child with them. I don't give a shit if it's closer, thats what the rest of the spaces are there for.

Being a fan of Razorlight

People who pose with loads of money. You're not a gangster, you're a ****.

People believing that Nandos is the equivalent to cuisine nirvana. It's Chicken, ffs.

People posting Gym selfies. You're there to work out, not to pose.

People that think owning a camera, however high end automatically makes them a photographer.

Utility companies failing to reward customer loyalty, choosing instead to drain their customers of more money for little extra benefit.

Radio 1

People who use the phrase 'goals' as something they aspire to.

Bananas.

Brooklyn Beckham springs to mind?

 

[DavidRyder]

Brooklyn Beckham springs to mind?

The offspring of the rich, famous, gifted, naturally assume that they are also gifted at all they do. No doubt he'll make his big screen debut soon (taking a role ahead of actual actors).

Bang him up for life!

 

[Worthingite]

People smoking weed whilst walking down the street. It is already illegal, but it seems these ****nuts just don't care. Every day I walk down queens road, and there is ALWAYS the smell of someone hitting the old marriage iguana.

The new takeaway cous cous van outside Brighton station. Pretentious hipster arse holes.

People not controlling their children in public places.

Ticket Resale sites

Charging a card fee in a newsagents/offie that is infinitely higher than the actual transaction fee - "sorry sir, we charge £1 for cards"... nope.

 

[rippleman]

- taking in foreign students without explaining that the rude, inconsiderate way they behave at home is NOT acceptable here

- adults "riding" on kiddy scooters

- saying "have a nice day" to people you don't know and don't give a shit about

 

[portlock seagull]

- taking in foreign students without explaining that the rude, inconsiderate way they behave at home is NOT acceptable here

- adults "riding" on kiddy scooters

- saying "have a nice day" to people you don't know and don't give a shit about

I love this last one!! Rippleman, you're a man after my own heart!!

 

[Badger]

Back with some more

Film sequels which are inferior to the original
Musicians that mime or sing under a backing vocal when supposed to be live
Lane hoppers in traffic queues
Rubbernecking
Chuggers
Away days at work which don't involve work
Any tv programme where you can't here the dialogue and have to put the subtitles on due to actors mumbling

I'm off to build an extension to my room 101, so I can banish some more

Chuggers should get LIFE with no chance of parole.

In a similar vein, I hate this new craze of shops asking if you'd like to donate a small amount to their chosen charity when you're paying for your items. You seem like a dick if you say no, even if you've made your fair share of donations to other carefully selected charities.

 

[Me and my Monkey]

Administration charges when buying tickets, etc, at a ticket office (naming no names). i.e., "can I buy a ticket, please?" "Yes, madame, that'll be £40, please, plus £2 for buying it." How else am I supposed to have it without buying it? Imagine being told such nonsense at the checkout when paying for your groceries. "Can I have a loaf of bread, please?" "Yes, madame, that'll be £1, and 50p for buying it." Ridiculous.

 

[DavidRyder]

Chuggers should get LIFE with no chance of parole.

In a similar vein, I hate this new craze of shops asking if you'd like to donate a small amount to their chosen charity when you're paying for your items. You seem like a dick if you say no, even if you've made your fair share of donations to other carefully selected charities.

In the Oxford English dictionary, the definition of 'Chuggers' is 'Wannabee children's TV presenters'...if one more bounces around in front of me with that grin, I'll, I'll...be very annoyed.

 

[Badger]

In the Oxford English dictionary, the definition of 'Chuggers' is 'Wannabee children's TV presenters'...if one more bounces around in front of me with that grin, I'll, I'll...be very annoyed.

I've never heard that definition of chuggers.

I quite like the result which comes up on Google:

chug·ger

noun BRITISH informal
noun: chugger; plural noun: chuggers
a person who approaches passersby in the street to solicit donations to a particular charity.
"when you have chuggers outside your shop, people just cross the road"

early 21st century: blend of charity and mugger

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Chuggers should get LIFE with no chance of parole.

In a similar vein, I hate this new craze of shops asking if you'd like to donate a small amount to their chosen charity when you're paying for your items. You seem like a dick if you say no, even if you've made your fair share of donations to other carefully selected charities.

Or shops like WHSmith trying to foist chocolate bars or stamps onto you when you've gone in to buy a ream of A4 paper or a book, like you don't know your own mind. Maybe the Amex superstore could move in on this and have a selection of lawn mowers and porridge on offer at the tills on match days in case anyone decides on a whim that they need either.

Being serious, in defence of shop staff that I know, they absolutely hate the fact that the management make them do it so please be polite when declining the offer of a puncture repair kit the next time you're in Superdrug.

 

[Withdean11]

Religion.

 

[GT49er]

I've never heard that definition of chuggers.

I quite like the result which comes up on Google:

chug·ger

noun BRITISH informal
noun: chugger; plural noun: chuggers
a person who approaches passersby in the street to solicit donations to a particular charity.
"when you have chuggers outside your shop, people just cross the road"

early 21st century: blend of charity and mugger

That is a correct definition. It is widely used by chuggers themselves.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

-people who let their children (wearing their dirty, possibly dogshit/chewing gum/ mud stained shoes) stand in the main part of supermarket trolleys, the part where the rest of us place our food.

Ooh, this.

Disgusting. I can't fathom why the supermarket staff don't stop this.

On a related note, I'll add, people queueing at a FOOD counter / bar, and lifting up their small child / baby / toddler and SITTING their crappy little ARSE on the counter. WTF?

 

[Badger]

Or shops like WHSmith trying to foist chocolate bars or stamps onto you when you've gone in to buy a ream of A4 paper or a book, like you don't know your own mind. Maybe the Amex superstore could move in on this and have a selection of lawn mowers and porridge on offer at the tills on match days in case anyone decides on a whim that they need either.

Being serious, in defence of shop staff that I know, they absolutely hate the fact that the management make them do it so please be polite when declining the offer of a puncture repair kit the next time you're in Superdrug.

Even the self-checkouts at WHSmith try and get you to buy a chocolate bar. FFS, if I wanted one I would have picked it up.

Indeed, I worked in Topman when I was a student, and I was expected to offer everyone store credit card. I didn't do it unless someone from management was within earshot.