[Albion] Things which are not currently criminal offences but which absolutely should be

[Hugo Rune]

People who drive with one had and think their so ****ing clever that they want the world to know by winding down their window and flopping their right arm out the side of their vehicle letting it hang and sway in the wind like a limp flaccid knob.

People who walk their dogs in town (usually staffies) with no leads.

Cyclists who ride with 'no hands'. Stop showing off and clasp the handle bars like the rest of us you ****s.

.

 

[JCL - the new kid in town]

I often struggle to remember my PIN number at an ATM machine

Obviously you know ATM isn't an acronym

 

[The Clamp]

Cafes where you pay at the counter on ordering yet they expect you to put a service tip in a jar upon paying, before you've eaten or had any service. I use a cafe regularly near me, they are brilliant people, the food is some of the best breakfast food i have had, service is fantastic but on sheer principle I will never tip them as long as the service tip is expected before I get served.

I said to the guy behind the counter once that they'd get a lot more tips if they removed the tip bowl, he didn't get what I was trying to get at so, as nice a guy as he may, he'll not get tipped until they stop assuming with that bloody tip jar. Which is a shame because I'm a generous tipper in the right circumstance.
Same for tip jars on bars.
I'll buy the staff in my regular a drink now and again like people used to but pubs that charge a fiver for lager will not get my spare change.

 

[Grombleton]

People who drive with one had and think their so ****ing clever that they want the world to know by winding down their window and flopping their right arm out the side of their vehicle letting it hang and sway in the wind like a limp flaccid knob.

.

I do that sometimes. Only because my limp, flaccid knob won't reach though.

 

[Coalburner]

One more to ban - people on here who write their instead of they're

 

[B.W.]

PB bleating on about market prices... about as useful as a chocolate teapot, should result in electrocuted testicles...

 

[Norman Potting]

"Celebrity" YouTube bloggers - youngest Potting's a big fan of these, particularly a Brighton based one. As far as I can tell they are merely an excuse to promote the latest trendy cr*p.

 

[KVLT]

Having just heard it ring out at Villa Park, reminded me that fecking E-I-E-I-E-I-O chant should carry a mandatory life sentence!

 

[bn1&bn3 Albion]

Probably been mentioned already but calling the Premier League the Premiership.

 

[Motogull]

The importation or manufacture of any unreycleable plastics.

 

[BensGrandad]

Saw 1 today a motorist going south in Hazelgrove Rd and drinking a cup of Costa coffee as he approached the roundabout in his Merc.

 

[Geoffbn2]

Cyclists on the road
If you want to dress up in a colourful condom and cycle round that is fine. But Dr Beeching and Mr Marples closed a load of railway lines in the south so go and ride on those.

Cyclists without helmets
Cyclists that think just because they have spent £500 on some Team Sky merchandise they are now a professional
Anyone that abbreviates merchandise to merch
Cyclists that do a jolly trip overseas in the name of charity and want to be sponsored for it. No you have gone on a cycling holiday round some of the nicer bits of Europe.
Cyclists that ride 2 or more abreast across the road

I get the feeling that maybe you feel slightly annoyed at cyclist and occasionally they may offend you a little.

 

[easynow]

Motorcyclist that turn on the engine and linger about for more than 5 minutes pointlessly revving before f̶u̶#̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ setting off.

 

[PTC Gull]

Using the word "awesome" to describe things. "my cat is awesome" Not its not, it's a cat !

 

[Insel affe]

Cafes where you pay at the counter on ordering yet they expect you to put a service tip in a jar upon paying, before you've eaten or had any service. I use a cafe regularly near me, they are brilliant people, the food is some of the best breakfast food i have had, service is fantastic but on sheer principle I will never tip them as long as the service tip is expected before I get served.

I said to the guy behind the counter once that they'd get a lot more tips if they removed the tip bowl, he didn't get what I was trying to get at so, as nice a guy as he may, he'll not get tipped until they stop assuming with that bloody tip jar. Which is a shame because I'm a generous tipper in the right circumstance.
Same for tip jars on bars.
I'll buy the staff in my regular a drink now and again like people used to but pubs that charge a fiver for lager will not get my spare change.

How the hell are you Mr Pink ?

 

[alfredmizen]

Voting for something solely on the basis you think it will stop black people from being near you.

Pompous, virtue signalling posts which massively generalise to dismiss some people's legitimate concerns , from people who live in monocultural places like brighton .

 

[alfredmizen]

Absolutely this!!

and Horoscopes.

Horoscopes, obviously as a typical Leo I don't believe in them.

 

[Norman Potting]

Shopping in family groups where every purchase has to be debated at length and virtually voted upon by the group whilst oblivious to other more organised shoppers who have a list and know exactly what they want.

 

[Bigtomfu]

Any commentator or pundit who refer to to a foul inside the box as a pen, no its not !
Its a Penalty ! a pen is where pigs live or a writing implement.

By the same token said commentators and pundits saying about a foul in the box where a penalty isn't given "if that was anywhere else on the pitch it would be a free kick".

 

[dazzer6666]

Women (and it is always women) in shops (especially supermarkets) not having their money/card ready when the cashier is finished

'Oh, I need to pay ? Sorry I didn't realise...................let me rummage around in my enormous handbag for 5 minutes to find my huge purse. Ah, hang on, I've got a load of money off vouchers in here - can you see if they are still valid ?

'This one is for washing powder, you haven't bought any'

'Oh, I'll just go and get a box from the other side of this massive store, you don't mind waiting do you ?'

...................................

'That'll be 127.67 please'

'I think I might have the 67p, hang on a second' (she does, all in coppers, obviously)

Mandatory life sentences.