The Apprentice (series 11) - official thread

[Whitechapel]

Who the f*ck would use a dating app where you can't see the person your talking to for hours?! The biggest dating app in the world is Tinder, an app where you can see nothing but how they look at first so why the f*ck would you do the exact opposite of that? Especially with catfish running rife on dating sites, the thought of wasting time playing games with somebody only for them to then turn out to be a 54 year old unemployed weirdo who's knicked the photo of a 24 year old fitness model off Instagram is even more galling then having to trawl through the fakes normally.

"PlayDate" seems like an idea where the name was thought of first and then a rough idea was nailed together to back it up.

 

[Pavilionaire]

The dating app is a woeful idea. Will cost far too much, it's a gimmick and very few would be interested unless it was free, with minimal adverts.

Millions down the drain in development and ongoing high profile advertising.

At least he'd be almost certain of a modest profit with the plumber.

What bloke is going to want to go on a date with a bird that routinely beats him at brain games?

The ONLY way this idea has legs is if Vana can somehow devise COCKPIC CLUEDO or MAMMARY MONOPOLY.

 

[Simster]

I'm don't dispute that the business could be successful but the concept of expanding a plumbing business into The Wash and surrounding areas is not one that makes for captivating TV.

It doesn't really matter what the business is. I think you'll find it is the punchable personalities of the contestants, the fckwittery and all round incompetence on display and the smugness of the advisors that makes the show watchable, not the businesses.

 

[Pavilionaire]

It doesn't really matter what the business is. I think you'll find it is the punchable personalities of the contestants, the fckwittery and all round incompetence on display and the smugness of the advisors that makes the show watchable, not the businesses.

Alan Sugar is 68. Does he REALLY want to get involved in a plumbing business at this stage of his life, even if it is going to turn a profit? I think he should fire himself for letting things get to this point.

 

[Simster]

Alan Sugar is 68. Does he REALLY want to get involved in a plumbing business at this stage of his life, even if it is going to turn a profit? I think he should fire himself for letting things get to this point.

No. But it's probably a marginally better call than chucking £250k into the shìttest dating app idea you've ever heard, not to mention the three other business plans that were all HILARIO. Except of course the hairdressing one, which isn't much different from this idea really.

I thought Gary's business plan was absolutely MAGNIFICENT.

 

[Pavilionaire]

No. But it's probably a marginally better call than chucking £250k into the shìttest dating app idea you've ever heard, not to mention the three other business plans that were all HILARIO. Except of course the hairdressing one, which isn't much different from this idea really.

I thought Gary's business plan was absolutely MAGNIFICENT.

What WAS he thinking? If you take him at his word he managed 600 staff and a budget of £1 billion, but has swapped that for mobile disco hire @ £350 a night.

The guy needs to go on holiday, regather his thoughts, then get a proper £30,000 a year job with Morrisons and forget that this whole sorry episode ever happened.

 

[Lord Bracknell]

Is that a nationality though? She was born and educated in New York. Her mum from Cali, Colombia and dad from Kalamata, Greece. She's a yank for me.
Not wishing to go down the Orlando is Spanish or Italian route or Cliff Richard is Indian.......

In the introduction to the candidates that appears on the website of The Apprentice, she describes herself as "half Colombian and half Greek". That's good enough for me.

 

[Simster]

What WAS he thinking? If you take him at his word he managed 600 staff and a budget of £1 billion, but has swapped that for mobile disco hire @ £350 a night.

The guy needs to go on holiday, regather his thoughts, then get a proper £30,000 a year job with Morrisons and forget that this whole sorry episode ever happened.

Well, quite.


Although I must admit, there is a TEENY WEENY part of me that suspects that he didn't manage 600 staff and a budget of £1bn. And it seems that one of the interviewers had that same suspicion when he announced 600 people "danced to his tune" but he got moved out of that job to another one in the same firm. One where he was asked to "manage" 3 people.

Everyone: Gary, you really are a bit of a bullshitter aren't you?
Gary: Absolutely. *nod's firmly*

 

[Pavilionaire]

Well, quite.


Although I must admit, there is a TEENY WEENY part of me that suspects that he didn't manage 600 staff and a budget of £1bn. And it seems that one of the interviewers had that same suspicion when he announced 600 people "danced to his tune" but he got moved out of that job to another one in the same firm. One where he was asked to "manage" 3 people.

Everyone: Gary, you really are a bit of a bullshitter aren't you?
Gary: Absolutely. *nod's firmly*

When these 600 people were dancing to his tune was it at that point he got the idea for a mobile disco?

 

[Simster]

When these 600 people were dancing to his tune was it at that point he got the idea for a mobile disco?

Probably. What an absolute MUGLET.

 

[Pavilionaire]

Probably. What an absolute MUGLET.

Sugar got that one right, but when blond Charleine stares into your eyes and says "I've lost a child and I'm willing to work really, REALLY hard" the decision's made, isn't it?

 

[Simster]

Sugar got that one right, but when blond Charleine stares into your eyes and says "I've lost a child and I'm willing to work my socks off" for the EIGHTH time, the decision's made, isn't it?

Fixed.

 

[Pavilionaire]

"Sugar got that one right, but when blond Charleine stares into your eyes and says "I've lost a child and I'm willing to work my socks off" for the EIGHTH time, the decision's made, isn't it?"

She was two word away, just two words. Swap "work my" for "blow your" and she's got the gig.

 

[The_Viper]

In the introduction to the candidates that appears on the website of The Apprentice, she describes herself as "half Colombian and half Greek". That's good enough for me.

Given how patriotic and in love with America Americans are, it shocks me how they never say they're American. Always Irish, or French, Scottish, English, South American etc. It's really weird, it's like me meeting people over here and when they ask where I'm from I say I'm half Viking and half Roman, cheers for asking.

 

[gordonchas]

But honestly, if that woman wins, Sugar would have more chance of seeing a return on his £250k by throwing it on the fire, in the form of bank notes.

Let me clue everyone in to how this actually works.

The £250k of morninglordsugar's stash does not actually get invested in the individual who wins. If you check the company accounts of any of the previous winners in this format you'll see that at the last accounting dates (admittedly a little out of date) all of them are still sitting on a substantial pile of cash - all of them have between 200-270k.

That is unrealistic for a business start-up as none of them will have any significant turnover to speak of, clearly the supposed investment is not being used either to buy capital assets or provide working capital. And why should it? The previous winners basically need little capital as they are all service businesses, either B2B or something else in the case of Dr Leah in what appears to be a single clinic (and she still works for the NHS). She must be busy though, the Express claims she performed 300 facials in a year.

I digress - here's what I suggest from the numbers is actually happening. Morninglordsugar gives the lucky winner £250k which goes straight on deposit to bag the interest for himself and is barely touched thereafter He exchanges a few emails and generates a few tasty consultancy fees - just to dip his beak you understand? If by some miracle one of these businesses actually takes off he has nice little earner. If, as expected, they grind along, or worse, roll over, not to worry the 250k's still there to be rescued.

This week, just like the same week last year he claimed to let a candidate reach the final as he's "a gambler". Hmmm. Last year the girl who didn't win needed to blow the 250k on stock so instead the winner was an SEO optimiser, requiring no cash at all - and the sort of timewasters anyone in business dreads receiving a call from. In fact I received a spam email from Climb Online myself a couple of months ago.

So I will be astonished, and prepared to be admonished, if Vanarama has won this.

 

[Simster]

So I will be astonished, and prepared to be admonished, if Vanarama has won this.

http://www.oddschecker.com/tv/the-apprentice



#teamGordon

 

[symyjym]

Who the f*ck would use a dating app where you can't see the person your talking to for hours?! The biggest dating app in the world is Tinder, an app where you can see nothing but how they look at first so why the f*ck would you do the exact opposite of that? Especially with catfish running rife on dating sites, the thought of wasting time playing games with somebody only for them to then turn out to be a 54 year old unemployed weirdo who's knicked the photo of a 24 year old fitness model off Instagram is even more galling then having to trawl through the fakes normally.

"PlayDate" seems like an idea where the name was thought of first and then a rough idea was nailed together to back it up.

I wouldn't knock it, it sounds a daft idea, but it would be targeting the game playing generation and its USP is interaction rather than just skipping through photo's as what all these dating apps seem to do. Not forgetting the fact that the Apprentice will be one big advert for it rather than promoting it from scratch.

Each profile would probably have a brief description of the person including age before the game is played and anyone abusing it with nicked photos would be quickly sussed and banned. If some people want to abuse it, at least they will have to work for it, but most of those with different intentions will stick to other dating sites because it would be easier.

 

[Pavilionaire]

Let me clue everyone in to how this actually works.

The £250k of morninglordsugar's stash does not actually get invested in the individual who wins. If you check the company accounts of any of the previous winners in this format you'll see that at the last accounting dates (admittedly a little out of date) all of them are still sitting on a substantial pile of cash - all of them have between 200-270k.

That is unrealistic for a business start-up as none of them will have any significant turnover to speak of, clearly the supposed investment is not being used either to buy capital assets or provide working capital. And why should it? The previous winners basically need little capital as they are all service businesses, either B2B or something else in the case of Dr Leah in what appears to be a single clinic (and she still works for the NHS). She must be busy though, the Express claims she performed 300 facials in a year.

I digress - here's what I suggest from the numbers is actually happening. Morninglordsugar gives the lucky winner £250k which goes straight on deposit to bag the interest for himself and is barely touched thereafter He exchanges a few emails and generates a few tasty consultancy fees - just to dip his beak you understand? If by some miracle one of these businesses actually takes off he has nice little earner. If, as expected, they grind along, or worse, roll over, not to worry the 250k's still there to be rescued.

This week, just like the same week last year he claimed to let a candidate reach the final as he's "a gambler". Hmmm. Last year the girl who didn't win needed to blow the 250k on stock so instead the winner was an SEO optimiser, requiring no cash at all - and the sort of timewasters anyone in business dreads receiving a call from. In fact I received a spam email from Climb Online myself a couple of months ago.

So I will be astonished, and prepared to be admonished, if Vanarama has won this.

Companies House website documents shows Dr Leah Ltd - 50% owned by Leah Totton, 50% owned by Sugar (via one of his companies). She put in £100 for 100 shares, Sugar's company put in £250,000 for 100 shares. The £250,100 went into the company bank account, the company made a loss of £50K in Yr 1 and now the bank balance is £190K, having covered the losses and bought some assets etc.

Therefore, those accounts clearly show it is Sugar's company's money that is financing the losses and working capital in Yr 1.

 

[Balders]

But you don't actually need to win the show to get an investment from Lord Sugar ;-)

http://metro.co.uk/2012/03/19/lord-...entice-loser-susan-mas-skincare-range-357128/

 

[BUTTERBALL]

I'm not sure either of the finalists are going to make him much money this year. As for Climb Online, i'd forgotten all about it, it seems to be just one of a myriad of companies doing the very same thing.