Icy Gull
Back on the rollercoaster
- Jul 5, 2003
- 72,015
Children should be treated as small adults from an early age and reasoned with rather than dictated to where possible imo.
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Teenage Chat - Help Required
- Thread starter Beach Hut
- Start date
Children should be treated as small adults from an early age and reasoned with rather than dictated to where possible imo.
Icy Gull
Back on the rollercoaster
- Jul 5, 2003
- 72,015
Have you had a 16 year old kid? It is definitely questionable what he has done imo. Not saying right or wrong, just questionable.
Simon Morgan
New member
Word. If anything it should be done more, gets rid of some of the blazing rows!
I Agree but going behind his back and deliberately looking at his sons page to find out what he is doing is not a good idea, you run the risk of losing your sons trust.
Totally agree, I Know when I was that age I didn't tell my parents what I was doing but if they asked me I would be happy to
Uncle Spielberg
Well-known member
No but I have a 10 year old Golden Retriever.
Easier yes, better NO being upfront with young adults it the best way to go, they are more likely to tell you if your being upfront, whereas if he finds out you have been behind his back it will push him further away and lessen the chance of him being honest.
Uncle Spielberg
Well-known member
Jesus, if the fact BH had a sly look on the lads facebook is the worst thing he has done to him, he is a very lucky lad.
MattBackHome
Well-known member
- Jul 7, 2003
- 11,876
If I was trying to keep something secret I wouldn't put it on facebook. This isn't rocket science.
So why not just be upfront and ask him then?
To have to go on his facebook to find out what he is doing seems a bit silly when you could just ask
If it's private he should not be posting it on an accessible web page.
And besides, there are lots of things I don't tell my parents, not because it's provate, but because I either don't think they're interested, or because it doesn't come up in conversation.
Besides, when you look at your friend's FB page are you spying on them, or are you seeing what they've been up to?
I've given my opinion on this specific incident here and elsewhere. To the more general discussion I'd like to add-
While at sixteen kids are limited in what they do, live under their parents' roofs etc, it is also an age when they get some more legal responsibility, and is the age that parents should, imo, being loosening the strings, letting them make their own mistakes and letting them learn.
I think that is one of the hardest things for a parents, to stand by and let their kids make mistakes, but some things kids need to learn themselves.
They also need to be given the opportunity to earn trust, to be allowed privacy, to not be checked up on every five minutes. Etc.
But that is easier to say than it is to do.
Regarding the standard of modern parenting, I think that is bourne out of several factors:
1) Some parents have an idealistic view of what they want their relationship with their kids to be, they want to be the cool mum who's daughter will talk openly about everything. These people are usually shocked to discover their daughter is pregnant because they have a great relationship with their daughter, she'd tell her anything!
This sort of relationship removes authority from the parent, it removes boundaries, it stops parents from taking a step back and viewing at what is good for the daughter for fear of ruining that "friendship"
2) Most parents want better for their children than they had. My brothers and I didn't get a TV in our rooms until our 15th birthday. Felt a little hard done by, but that ignored that my dad had one tv for his family of 6 brothers in the front room. And now I think my 6 year old neice is spoiled because she has a tv, video, and a dvd player.
But this extends beyond material goods, I was spanked once. One time only (and I didn't do anything wrong!). I imagine my dad and his brothers received regular spankings. My sister, brother and I would not think about spanking any of the kids.
My parents would yell at me, but we won't yell at our kids because these things that instilled discipline, patience, value, respect were horrible, and it's harder to instil without them.
(I think the term 'respect' gets thrown around too much and many kids who talk about the things they respect don't really, because they don't understand what it really means).
3) laws initerfering in parenting. Kids "have rights" and they know it. Parents, and teachers, and kind intentioned strangers live in fear of trying to get kids to develop as human beings because so many laws prevent it. The line between a disciplinary spanking and abuse has been fudged, touching kids whether as a parent, or teacher, is fraught with legal pitfalls.
Icy Gull
Back on the rollercoaster
- Jul 5, 2003
- 72,015
Well the lad is probably going to be WELL pissed off when he finds out and trust will quite possibly diminish..again just imo.
It's like opening your kid's letters, would you do it?
Sorry couldnt be bothered to read the entire thing but about this bit it depends whether he went on his page with the pure intention of finding out what he was doing, rather than just accidently finding out doesn't it.
adrian29uk
New member
- Sep 10, 2003
- 3,389
I don't have facebook, and I don't really like social networking sites.
I am sure you all know the pitfalls, but I wish more people would understand that companies, criminals, people can piece together information about certain individuals. Some of the information people give away opens up the back door.
I don't have a problem with my girlfriend putting her photos up on Facebook, but already another site has spidered some of this information, which when searching for her name then links to some documents with her name on them, which where placed on the company server which Google has manged to spider.
I am sure you all know the pitfalls, but I wish more people would understand that companies, criminals, people can piece together information about certain individuals. Some of the information people give away opens up the back door.
I don't have a problem with my girlfriend putting her photos up on Facebook, but already another site has spidered some of this information, which when searching for her name then links to some documents with her name on them, which where placed on the company server which Google has manged to spider.
You're making the assumption BH went there with snooping intentions.
Perhaps BH and his son lead busy lives and don't get time to sit down and chat, and BH was just catching up, perhaps BH jr catches up with BH through BH's FB page, or though Mrs Hut.
He started this thread for information on the latest youth slang. He wasn't asking for advice on parenting, people have assumed nefarious intentions.
BEACH HUT
Why were you looking at the page?
The Ringleader
Banned
my internet sweatheart was secret til i drunk a liter of vodka got arrested and starting askin my mum where megan had gone
smellis
New member
The judicial system in this country determines that once a person reaches the age of 18 they are classed as a adult. Prior to this, they are a child, or minor, which is a form of dependant.
This would mean that someone needs to be responsible for this person, and in my opinion that is exactly what BH is doing.
If his son wanted his "rights" then he should exercise them by either paying for his privacy and paying the internet bill, or contributing to the household in another form, or move out and find his own place if he doesn't like it!
Reading something that has been posted on a social network site is not spying, but more simply an "update" surely.
throbinson
Well-known member
Yep i agree, any caring parent would do the same
Anyway, He SHOULD NOT of posted this stuff on a forum, that was very silly indeed.
Perhaps he could have left it off, but then when he asked us what 'butchin' meant (which was the original point of this thread), people would ask what the context was and he'd find himself explaining it anyway.