Stupid things women say

[upthealbion1970]

About 30 years ago, my dad was watching Sussex v Lancashire when he was approached by some bloke who said "I can't tell David Lloyd and Clive Lloyd apart, which one's which? So, blokes are capable of stupid comments too.

(My dad's answer BTW, was that Clive was the one in glasses).

 

[The Modfather]

Don't they start doing odd things when they're up the duff?

They certainly do.

Mine is 8 months pregnant and insisted that I mow the lawn today.

This is despite the fact that the whole thing is being ripped up and re-turfed on Wednesday.

 

[Finch]

I was in a book store with my ex and picked up some book with Alex Ferguson on the cover.

Her: Whos that

Me: Alex Ferguson, manager of Manchester United

Her: Oh is that a bank?

I got a lot of mileage out of that one.

 

[pasty]

Flying back into Heathrow with my ex a few years back, we started circling for quite a long time.

Me: Oh good, with any luck we'll get diverted to Gatwick

Her: But how would we get our luggage back from Heathrow

 

[BHAFC4EVER]

My Mum is getting rid of her old cooker and its going to the dump so she says to me "Can you give the cooker a clean before it goes we cant have people seeing the cooker in that state"

 

[Lady Bracknell]

Bless!

Are you boys feeling better now?

 

[OzMike]

A few years ago I visited my ageing mum to drop something off and didn't have much time to hang about.
She asked me if I wanted a cup of tea, which I declined.
She returned with a cup of coffee.

 

[Brightonfan1983]

"I do"

 

[Brightonfan1983]

On Danny Baker's show years ago, a bloke 'phoned up to tell him how he'd convinced his girlfriend that the christian name of the then current Man Utd goalie (big Danish chap) was Michael.

 

[seagullwedgee]

Many years ago I was driving with the missus, heading for Ross on Wye. We crossed the old severn bridge, and I asked her to get the atlas out and see what the route options were for the last bit of the journey.

After a couple of minutes of head scratching she said "we could take this blue road, it's a bit bendy but it does go right through the middle of Ross on Wye...."

facealm

 

[Deleted User X18H]

Two of my wife's friends have independently left messages about arranging a day out as today is a Bank Holiday!!!? (ROI only) One on the strength of her Marie Claire diary

 

[nwgull]

My missis didn't realise that all the people in the Borat film were unsuspecting members of the public and thought they were all actors.

 

[Alex Alex Dawson oo! oo!]

They certainly do.

Mine is 8 months pregnant and insisted that I mow the lawn today.

This is despite the fact that the whole thing is being ripped up and re-turfed on Wednesday.

Doubt that's anything to do with the pregnancy, more likely it's just so everything is "tidy" for the guys on wednesday - normal female logic n'est ce pas?

My wife's gone to Dubrovnik this morning with work - just before the taxi arrived at 7.00, I was woken with "You will be ok to pick me up from the airport on saturday afternoon?".

 

[Wilko]

At a Brighton game the fans started singing 'blue army'. I told my ex that something shocking has occured so all the fans were singing 'Blimey, blimey, blimey'. She even joined in.


I also told the same girl that Steve McManamon was actually called Steve McManamanamanamon but they shortened it so his surname would fit on the back of the England shirt.

 

[Donk the Seagull]

After just getting my gf into cricket we watched the Sussex Twenty/20 match on sky last week, she looked over to me and asked 'So how many overs do they get?'
Couldnt stop laughing

 

[DanSeagull]

At a Brighton game the fans started singing 'blue army'. I told my ex that something shocking has occured so all the fans were singing 'Blimey, blimey, blimey'. She even joined in.


I also told the same girl that Steve McManamon was actually called Steve McManamanamanamon but they shortened it so his surname would fit on the back of the England shirt.

 

[Mendoza]

A lovely lady at work organised a team meal out, booked the table, sent the invites out and wondered why only 2 people (both women) said yes.

She has organised the meal for Friday 18th June, 7.30pm

 

[Stoichkov]

The missus gave me an easter egg a few years ago and said "There are chocolates inside it because it says contains cocoa solids on the box"

 

[The Large One]

I was in Hay-on-Wye last week, and saw a sketch show - Idiots of Ants - which was pretty good. One of their sketches was the pretext that four women had gone out on a hen night, and for a laugh, had a sex change, and hence woke up as men (bear with me here)...

Anyhoo, after their initial surprise, we had (among others) the following lines...

• "I now have the urge to go for a drive with the handbrake off..."
• "Having those carrier bags inside carrier bags in the cupboard make no sense to me at all..."
• "I feel I can watch a film from start to finish and not open my trap to ask a stupid question..."

etc.

 

[Gwylan]

I really don't get this thread.

I'm sure there are countless number of stupid things that women have said - but there are an equal number of stupid things that blokes have said too (I mentioned one earlier).

It reminds of those threads about geographically inept Americans are, when, in truth, their level of knowledge of the world is probably on par with the Brits'.