Stoopid things people do ( particularly wimin )
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jakarta
Well-known member
BrianWade4
Well-known member
This
I know where you are coming from here,as soon as I see our kitchen bin getting near on full I empty it.
If I don't my Mrs or sons will carry on filling it, they think it's a bottomless pit, I have been caught out too many times with a ripped bin bag.
dannyboy
tfso!
My wife loves watching cookery programs but never cooks .. ever . She'll say oh that dish looks lovely . What she means is can I cook it for her . I actually like cooking and sometimes if I've tried a new meal I'll ask how was it ... She'll always be hyper critical like one of the judges on mkr New Zealand or whatever . This pisses me off as on the rare occasion she does cook it will be for our daughter and it will always involve something in the oven (nuggets etc) and noodles . She always comments that the noodles don't have any flavour . I explain that super noodles aren't like spaghetti . You don't drain super noodles or you just tip the flavour away with the water thus no taste. Guarantee if she cooks noodles today there will be yellow chicken flavour water in the sink and overcooked noodles that don't taste of anything . I think I've told her this for about 7 years!
Car keys - we've been together 12 years and probably once a week she asks If I've seen her keys . Where did you put them I say . She says she can't remember . For a number of years I say I have a solution . Put them in the same place when you come in .... you know leave them in your bag on the mantelpiece somewhere you might remember . Does she f*** I've seen the keys in the bathroom , bedroom , kitchen any place .
What's a dining room table for ? For eating at right ? Wrong . It's for putting shit that you can't be bothered to put anywhere else on . I can clean it up to eat on within 2 days it's got letters bills with the opened envelopes of course , she didn't feel the need to put those in the bin. Hairbrush, car keys ! Socks . Clean clothes to be put away , dirty clothes to get washed . Sometimes I'll just scoop it up into a bin bag and put it on the bed .
The most annoying thing is when she uses things and doesn't put them back. We've got about 4 tape measures in the house but I can only usually find 1 or sometimes none of them . If I use it I put it back in a drawer that I got it from . The reason for this is that next time I need a tape measure I can find it straight away. A while ago she was measuring something , asked where it was , I said top drawer and make sure you put it back . Yeah yeah was the sarcastic reply . A couple of days later I have to measure something so I go to the drawer ... it's not there . I spend 10 minutes searching for it , no joy. She's not in so I text her . Where's the tape measure ? In the drawer she says . No it isn't I said . Oh must be in my bedside table drawer .... it's not there either ....nor in the other 5 places she suggested , basically she's just guessing. Then she gets the ass and says she'll find it when she gets home which she does after about half an hour. Now I have a solution .... things like that that I need I hide from her in my man drawers and if she asks I just say I don't know where it is which forces her to find one of the ones she's lost before ! Problem with this is that if she can't find one she'll go and f***ing buy one
She went out the other day saying I'll be ten minutes I need to go out and buy a new bra . She and my daughter go out and are back 3 hours later ... loads bags spent $300 and drops a bottle of wine on garage floor which takes me an hour to clean up.
I could go on forever but id end up divorcing her.
Car keys - we've been together 12 years and probably once a week she asks If I've seen her keys . Where did you put them I say . She says she can't remember . For a number of years I say I have a solution . Put them in the same place when you come in .... you know leave them in your bag on the mantelpiece somewhere you might remember . Does she f*** I've seen the keys in the bathroom , bedroom , kitchen any place .
What's a dining room table for ? For eating at right ? Wrong . It's for putting shit that you can't be bothered to put anywhere else on . I can clean it up to eat on within 2 days it's got letters bills with the opened envelopes of course , she didn't feel the need to put those in the bin. Hairbrush, car keys ! Socks . Clean clothes to be put away , dirty clothes to get washed . Sometimes I'll just scoop it up into a bin bag and put it on the bed .
The most annoying thing is when she uses things and doesn't put them back. We've got about 4 tape measures in the house but I can only usually find 1 or sometimes none of them . If I use it I put it back in a drawer that I got it from . The reason for this is that next time I need a tape measure I can find it straight away. A while ago she was measuring something , asked where it was , I said top drawer and make sure you put it back . Yeah yeah was the sarcastic reply . A couple of days later I have to measure something so I go to the drawer ... it's not there . I spend 10 minutes searching for it , no joy. She's not in so I text her . Where's the tape measure ? In the drawer she says . No it isn't I said . Oh must be in my bedside table drawer .... it's not there either ....nor in the other 5 places she suggested , basically she's just guessing. Then she gets the ass and says she'll find it when she gets home which she does after about half an hour. Now I have a solution .... things like that that I need I hide from her in my man drawers and if she asks I just say I don't know where it is which forces her to find one of the ones she's lost before ! Problem with this is that if she can't find one she'll go and f***ing buy one
She went out the other day saying I'll be ten minutes I need to go out and buy a new bra . She and my daughter go out and are back 3 hours later ... loads bags spent $300 and drops a bottle of wine on garage floor which takes me an hour to clean up.
I could go on forever but id end up divorcing her.
happypig
Staring at the rude boys
No matter how well I load the dishwasher, Mrs H will "rearrange" it in order to get the last few bits in. Those last few bits are the difference between the dishwasher cleaning everything in it and something blocking the spinners so it either has to go on again or I have to wash it up by hand.
The same is true of the washing; if I hang it up she will hang it up "better". I've not timed the rate of drying but I suspect it's not affected by the geometric relationship between my pants and her bras.
And handbags ! Don't get me started. If I ever have to venture in there (a journey fraught with danger and frustration) to get something for her I have to first remove two dozen screwed up tissues, which I am assured are not used but they don't feel too clever. Then there's gloves. In August she has woollen gloves in her handbag. Towards the bottom (at a depth of about five fathoms) there's her purse, containing store cards from Woolworths, Timothy Whites and a host of other long-gone shops.
Oh my favourite; from another room comes the indignant question "Why is this here?" with no clue as to what "this" might be or where "Here" relates to. I have taken to replying either "Everything has to be somewhere, that's physics for you" or simply "gravity". She doesn't get either and probably thinks I'm an ********.
The same is true of the washing; if I hang it up she will hang it up "better". I've not timed the rate of drying but I suspect it's not affected by the geometric relationship between my pants and her bras.
And handbags ! Don't get me started. If I ever have to venture in there (a journey fraught with danger and frustration) to get something for her I have to first remove two dozen screwed up tissues, which I am assured are not used but they don't feel too clever. Then there's gloves. In August she has woollen gloves in her handbag. Towards the bottom (at a depth of about five fathoms) there's her purse, containing store cards from Woolworths, Timothy Whites and a host of other long-gone shops.
Oh my favourite; from another room comes the indignant question "Why is this here?" with no clue as to what "this" might be or where "Here" relates to. I have taken to replying either "Everything has to be somewhere, that's physics for you" or simply "gravity". She doesn't get either and probably thinks I'm an ********.
surlyseagull
Well-known member
- Aug 23, 2008
- 848
My wife can never fill up her car water bottle and relies on me to do it ,I noted a bird shite right in the middle of the windscreen, and the said shite was still there 4 days later .
When I asked her about it she said "oh its because there is no water in the bottle" Jeez .
She is also a very talented mind reader as finds it impossible for me to have a conversation with someone without finishing the last bloody sentence of for me.
And don't get me started with butting in ,but her excuse is if she doesn't say it now she will forget what she wanted to say ,sod the fact I have forgotten what I was going to say .
When I asked her about it she said "oh its because there is no water in the bottle" Jeez .
She is also a very talented mind reader as finds it impossible for me to have a conversation with someone without finishing the last bloody sentence of for me.
And don't get me started with butting in ,but her excuse is if she doesn't say it now she will forget what she wanted to say ,sod the fact I have forgotten what I was going to say .
Any tv programme requiring a listening ear such as Question Time is ruined, she says rock all all night then bang yak yak sodding yak. Starts up an inane conversation as you about to go out the door, ends up with me outside with my head pocking around said door.
Every washing machine we've owned is somehow incapable of delivering the softner at the time in the cycle therefore means she has to manually do it
??
Her phones have all been rubbish and its never her fault they have lost data.
She has very close near misses when driving apparently due to everyone else.
Every washing machine we've owned is somehow incapable of delivering the softner at the time in the cycle therefore means she has to manually do it
??Her phones have all been rubbish and its never her fault they have lost data.
She has very close near misses when driving apparently due to everyone else.
Jack Straw
I look nothing like him!
As this thread grows, the more glad I feel about getting divorced thirty years ago, and staying single as I intend, for ever!
Apparently it is! I have always refused to put ketchup in the fridge, but seemingly because they have reduced the amount of salt in ketchup over the last few years - it now goes off if it's not in the fridge.
However, if it's behind the yogurt instead of in front of it - obviously I won't find it, and will just buy some more. But then why is it behind the yogurt when it always used to be in front of it? And why has the milk been moved from immediately where my hand goes to pick it up from - where it has been for the last ten years
Why?I've also had to buy a pack of plasters to keep in the 'drawer that she leaves alone', so when I slice myself open when doing some DIY job for her, I at least know where they are, rather then where they were last time I did the same thing. Except then she decided to 'tidy' the 'drawer that she leaves alone'. Why do that?
I suppose that's why your photography is so good?
Thunder Bolt
Silly old bat
These are women that you chose to marry. So who are the stupid ones?
FatSuperman
Well-known member
- Feb 25, 2016
- 2,922
Washie, like everyone else in the country, we have a carrier bag, full of other carrier bags. The thing that's special about us is that she refuses to let me keep any of these carrier bags in the car. So EVERY time we go to the shop we buy a load more, which she won't throw away because it's wasteful and we had to pay for them. In the olden days, before we had to pay, we had a single bag full of other bags. Now we have at least 4. Genuinely.
I might go and get them out and take a pic for you. They are in the cupboard under the stairs.
She sorted that cupboard out a few months ago. We put a unit in it. She INSISTED we put this unit in it. It didn't fit of course - she gets very irritated when I suggest we measure something before we buy it. We had to put it in sideways, so you can't actually open the box drawers to get things out. Everything in that unit is in there until we move as far as I'm concerned. During the reorganisation my tools got put to the back of the cupboard, with all manner of stuff on top and in the way, including thirty thousand carrier bags.
Periodically she makes me stick a load of nails in the wall so we can put yet more fairy lights up. Obviously to get to the tool box I have to squeeze in the cupboard between the ironing board and hoover, lean over the chalk board which the kids never use but we must keep (it doesn't fold, you have to unscrew it to fold it up - hence they never use it), a load of picture frames, boxes of lightbulbs that she bought which don't fit any light fitting we have, all that stuff. Toolbox is so heavy at full stretch so I do this begrudgingly
FatSuperman
Well-known member
- Feb 25, 2016
- 2,922
I think we have the same wife. Mine doesn't iron, won't wash any recycling item. Heaven forbid would she fold a cereal box so you could get more in the recycling - nope, just crush it in the most inefficient manner possible. Ideally leaving the discarded Weetabix wrapper inside so that the crumbs fall all over the place.
She often empties the bin, but leaves it in the back garden. If I happen to not notice it then inevitably a fox will. This has only happened twice to be fair - the second time I made her wander about the garden collecting the litter up.
The morning noise thing is incredible, mine is just like that. Not that she gets up in the morning - I work from home 2 days a week so do the school and nursery runs those days. On weekends she needs a lie in
Most of my mates wives are like this too, what has happened?My wife has two volumes: too quiet and too loud. She uses the too loud volume exclusively when I am laying in bed 5 inches away from her. The too quiet volume is used at all other times. She has this game where she whispers my name from the other room while I'm making a hot drink or something, with the kettle bubbling away. Then when I take a drink into the lounge for her she exclaims
"I said I'd changed my mind and wanted tea"
"I didn't hear you my princess"
"I said it FOUR TIMES!"
I do love her without limit. I just want to change lots of stuff about her.
)
FatSuperman
Well-known member
- Feb 25, 2016
- 2,922
[MENTION=1314]dannyboy[/MENTION] Does your wife ever know what she wants to eat? EVERY night my wife asks me what I want to eat. "I don't know love, I've been at work all day and had a 2.5 hour journey home, I just want to take my coat off". I should just get in there first really, maybe ask her in the morning as I leave.
I think women are bad at deciding what to eat, because the first time they did it they doomed all of mankind. Thanks, Eve.
I think women are bad at deciding what to eat, because the first time they did it they doomed all of mankind. Thanks, Eve.
FatSuperman
Well-known member
- Feb 25, 2016
- 2,922
That is brilliant. Everyone should read this after the thread.
"Margret thinks I'm vain because... I use a mirror when I shave. During this argument in the bathroom - our fourth most popular location for arguments, it will delight and charm you to learn - Margret proved that shaving with a mirror could only be seen as outrageous narcissism by saying, 'None of the other men I've been with,' (my, but it's all I can do to stop myself hugging her when she begins sentences like that) 'None of the other men I've been with used a mirror to shave.'
'Ha! Difficult to check up on that, isn't it? As all the other men you've been with can now only communicate by blinking their eyes!' I said. Much later. When Margret had left the house."
I think we have the same wife. Mine doesn't iron, won't wash any recycling item. Heaven forbid would she fold a cereal box so you could get more in the recycling - nope, just crush it in the most inefficient manner possible. Ideally leaving the discarded Weetabix wrapper inside so that the crumbs fall all over the place.
She often empties the bin, but leaves it in the back garden. If I happen to not notice it then inevitably a fox will. This has only happened twice to be fair - the second time I made her wander about the garden collecting the litter up.
The morning noise thing is incredible, mine is just like that. Not that she gets up in the morning - I work from home 2 days a week so do the school and nursery runs those days. On weekends she needs a lie in
My wife has two volumes: too quiet and too loud. She uses the too loud volume exclusively when I am laying in bed 5 inches away from her. The too quiet volume is used at all other times. She has this game where she whispers my name from the other room while I'm making a hot drink or something, with the kettle bubbling away. Then when I take a drink into the lounge for her she exclaims
"I said I'd changed my mind and wanted tea"
"I didn't hear you my princess"
"I said it FOUR TIMES!"
I do love her without limit. I just want to change lots of stuff about her.
Mine isn't too good with the recycling either, we have a canvas bag supplied by the council for recycling cardboard, it's about the same size as a large supermarket bag. The council collect the recycling every other week, I tear and fold up boxes to obviously get as much cardboard in the bag as possible, my wife just puts a box in whole.
The volume thing is exactly the same.
When we are in her car she puts on her music and then talks to me in a quiet voice.
She thinks her mobile phone is some sort of megaphone, she never uses the landline but shouts down her mobile.
After one deafening call to her mum who lives about 2 minutes walk from our house, I said " you may as well have just opened the window and told your mum what you wanted to say "
FatSuperman
Well-known member
- Feb 25, 2016
- 2,922
Mine isn't too good with the recycling either, we have a canvas bag supplied by the council for recycling cardboard, it's about the same size as a large supermarket bag. The council collect the recycling every other week, I tear and fold up boxes to obviously get as much cardboard in the bag as possible, my wife just puts a box in whole.
I got in trouble on Wednesday because I wasn't appreciative of the efforts the wife had gone to in order to 'help me out' with the recycling.
I walked in the door to find my 12 year old son ripping a few very large cardboard boxes into tiny pieces, and then stuffing them into another box. I couldn't understand it - he advised that he'd been told to rip the boxes up to fit them in the recycling bin. Compared to the usual half-crush approach, this might seem like an improvement. It wasn't. The box he was putting these slivers in had previously had a kitchen stool in it. It was never going to fit in the recycling bin (which obviously is mostly full of unwashed, part crushed soya milk cartons) and he'd spent god-knows how long at this task.
I took the boy outside to once again teach him the masterful art of simply folding a box, it was soon after this demonstration, whilst pouring the contents of his cardboard box into the bin, that I learnt that prior to tearing up the cardboard he'd been tearing up polystyrene. The recycling bin, the floor, my son, me, everything is now covered in small, static-electricity-charged polystyrene balls. How wonderful.