Song titles or lyrics that are palpably untrue.

[NMH]

Isn't it Ironic by Alan Morris, in which she lists a load of things which are unfortunate (rain on your wedding day, a free ride you've already paid for, good advice you didn't take etc) but certainly aren't ironic, thus proving that people across the pond don't understand what irony actually is.

Then she wails 'Isn't it ironic, don't you think?' No I don't Alanis, you horse-faced old boot.

Histrionic slag, and a useless singer.
However, the above goes down really well with Yank wimmin - that lot who ALL have tats in the small of their backs as if they are SO individual.

 

[NMH]

Now I know all about nature, I did geography at school. I know about rain, snow, sleet, sun, everything.

I think therefore from my substantial knowledge base that there is absolutely no chance of wind of any sort, crying and in particular crying the name Mary.

Sorry Jimmi ya drugged up fuckwit. I ain't buying that one.

I did. Jimi also mentions the stars that played with L-aughing S-am's D-ice - what's that about then?

 

[NMH]

Daltrey sang "I'm a substitute for another guy, I look pretty tall but my heels are high"

What gay team was he a sub for then, where he played in high heels?
Should Graeme Le Saux have tried this, and would he have got another England cap if he had?

 

[dougdeep]

Semolina Pilchard, climbing up the Eiffel Tower? I doubt it.

 

[Easy 10]

"All that she wants is another baby, she's gone tomorrow boy" insisted Ace of Base in the 90's.

Yeah, right. Shag some munter, get her up the duff (cos thats all that she wants), and then watch her hunt you down like a DOG with the authorities and bleed you dry for the next 18 years.

Gone tomorrow my arse.

 

[Theatre of Trees]

I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key? I mean let a women go out riding on your farm equipment just because you want to get your leg over? Have farmers reached the 20th century regarding treatment of women yet?

 

[Theatre of Trees]

She's like the wind sings Mr Swayze in Dirty Dancing. Comparing your bird to a fart isn't very romantic is it Patrick?

 

[Withnail]

"Our music changes through the years" sang Mr Mercury.
"The song remains the same" sang Mr Plant.
Who's right? There's only one way to find out.....
FIGHT!!!!!

 

[Everest]

Cliff Richard-

The young ones
Darlin' we're the young ones

Not any f***ing more, you're not!


Also Living Doll. A doll is a toy you wankpot, therefore it's not alive.

 

[The Large One]

Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time

Bollocks, moose-face - your plastic surgeon did that for you.

 

[Lord Bracknell]

There was some idiot at White Hart Lane on Saturday who seemed to think that we were going up to win the cup for Sussex by the Sea. He was also under the impression that the goalkeeper's shirt was being worn by Peter Ward.

Probably a glory supporter who hasn't been to a game for YEARS.

 

[GNF on Tour]

Pint-sized Scottish pop midget Midge Ure once sang "when I was a soldier". Sorry Midge, but when has has the Black Watch ever excepted dwarfs in the ranks, the closest you are going to get to a uniform is every Christmas down at Debenhams helping Santa give out the pressies, twat!

 

[Withnail]

Going down Old Shoreham Road to see the Brighton aces.

If only this were still the case. May you die a painfull death Mr Archer.

 

[The Large One]

My heart is full of love and it's out for you... (Don't Leave Me This Way)

What tosh. Your heart is a muscular organ used to pump oxygen, via red blood cells, around your body. That's its purpose, and is not in a position to cater for temporary emotional diversionary tactic. Also, it absolutely must stay in your body and under no circumstances be taken 'out'. For anyone. Unless, of course, you are having it replaced, but that needs some medical supervision involving some trained people and some knives. (ref: Half Man, Hlaf Biscuit's 'I Left My Heart in Papworth General')

 

[Everest]

Or having an autopsy done on you, but then you wouldn't really care much.

 

[Easy 10]

I always thought it was:

"My heart is full of love and desire for you"

But I may be wrong. It has been known on occasion.

 

[SussexSpur]

“Oh but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now…”
Oh, is that really the case, Mr so-called Bob Dylan? Well, perhaps now’s as good a moment as any to haul that time-reversing machine out from some dusty cupboard corner again, because these days you’re looking ropily at least double your actual age…

Same goes for you Neil Young, you and your claims that “I am a child”…
And are you having a laugh when you claim: ‘I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold.’ It’s just that I reckon no miner saw you doing your duty in the strikes of the Eighties. Or perhaps that’s because you were poncing about underground, digging for something which even the most dedicated colliery-worker could tell you it wouldn’t be worth keeping the pits open for…

And as for Ray Davies, insisting “I met her in a club down in old Soho, where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca-Cola.” Now, notwithstanding your apparent confusion about whether your date is or isn’t in fact another bloke, I can’t honestly believe this description of your beverage. It may well taste disgustingly weak, watered-down, even toxic, but in all my years of alcoholic research, I’ve never sampled champagne which tasted instead anything like Coca-Cola. Perhaps what you were knocking back, throughout your night of exotic experimentation, was, in fact… Coca-Cola? (Or, according to the version you released as a single, Cherry Cola - see, you can’t even keep your pisspoor story consistent!)

 

[Brightonfan1983]

"I would do anything for love, but i won't do that."
Meatloaf would so do that. He's capable of anything, the big, fat shit.

 

[Withnail]

Do you remember the time I knew a girl from Mars?
No Ash, I don't. But as Mars has been uninhabitable for at least 85 million years I wouldn't expect many people would.

 

[Pevenseagull]

for your consideration:

Janet Jackson - from 'Nasty': "I just want some respect, So close the door if you want me to respond, Cause privacy is my middle name"

q.v. superbowl shenanigans

Luther Vandross: "Never Too Much" - OK, you're still alive, but there's a good chance that being a fat knacker contributed to that stroke a couple of years ago.

"Too much, never too much, never too much, never too much"?

........time for a rethink, methink

Luther Vandross AND Janet Jackson

"The Best Things In Life Are Free"

LIKE ARSE ARE THEY



Serial BULLSHITTERS the pair of 'em