Pevenseagull
meh
- Jul 20, 2003
- 20,686
broke into Bournemouth pier one night to give a hamster a viking funeral
got arrested
got arrested
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Silly things you've done when under the influence...
- Thread starter happypig
- Start date
Actually the silliest - as in most dangerous - things I ever did inebriated often involved trips home from the West Country. After we played Plymouth one year (before the days of electronic train doors) I got WAY to eager to open the door outside Paddington and had to be pulled back in by someone who I am eternally grateful to, if only i could remember their name. I had taken a good deal of scrumpy in the Wheel Tappers in Taunton.
Another time, as my 'location' suggests, I commandeered a luggage rack to sleep in after a particularly large session in Swindon. When everyone got me back to Brighton I was still somewhat dazed and confused and tried to get a cab home with my mates, only problem being they were going to Bevendean and I was going to Portslade....
Then, on my travels there was the night three of us bribed three tuk-tuk drivers to have a race round Chennai while we were in the back after a session on the local Kingfishers. We got pulled by the police, luckily not for speeding (you can't in a tuk tuk) but for "paper checking". When they saw the drivers were carrying three fairly wasted Westerners they allowed us on our way after a heated discussion that I suspect contained the Tamil for "backsheesh"
Another time, as my 'location' suggests, I commandeered a luggage rack to sleep in after a particularly large session in Swindon. When everyone got me back to Brighton I was still somewhat dazed and confused and tried to get a cab home with my mates, only problem being they were going to Bevendean and I was going to Portslade....
Then, on my travels there was the night three of us bribed three tuk-tuk drivers to have a race round Chennai while we were in the back after a session on the local Kingfishers. We got pulled by the police, luckily not for speeding (you can't in a tuk tuk) but for "paper checking". When they saw the drivers were carrying three fairly wasted Westerners they allowed us on our way after a heated discussion that I suspect contained the Tamil for "backsheesh"
Pevenseagull
meh
- Jul 20, 2003
- 20,686
when people ask 'what were you thinking of?', the standard answer is 
DarrenFreemansPerm
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
From the top.
-Living in France:
Whilst trying to find my way home after Nouveau Beajoulaise (celebration for the new wines) day in France, I got a touch lost. I hitched a lift and was deposited at a night club with about 5 people inside. Sensing this wasn't home I departed and continued my search, I spotted a light on at a nearby chalet so sought directions, they opened the door but couldn't understand my limited French vocabulary. By this point I was getting a bit distressed as I was freezing cold and didn't have a coat so I took shelter in a chalet that was c still under construction, I dozed off. When I awoke I was wearing a huge bright yellow sou'wester?? I left the building to continue my search for home with no joy, as I wandered through the lonely streets a Gendarmerie vehicle approached, I thought my saviour had arrived. To my surprise the Gendarme jumped out of the car and charged at me, cracking me across the face with his baton(fracturing my nose)
he threw me across the bonnet ofvthe car and hand cuffed me, bundled me in the back and drove me half an hour away to the nearest police station, I was interrogated for about an hour by armed police. I didn't have the foggiest idea what was going on. Eventually I was taken back to the car and driven back to Crest Voland (they obviously knew where the English were staying) and was dumped outside the hotel. I had to return to the police station the following morning with all of my ID and with my resort manager, they were given a bollocking and told I should be kept under control and not allowed access to alcohol. Apparently the people who I'd approached for directions called the gendarmes and reported me as a burglar. The Gendarmes also said I was lucky they didn't shoot me with rubber bullets.
- As a dare I once had my ball sack stapled to another mans legs, that was very messy.
- One particularly drunk night out I ended up behind the bar of the local pub, for reasons unknown to myself the only way people were allowed to purchase drinks was by paying with the exact change, the catch being that the customer had to balance all of the coins on my testicles ,which I would present on the bar counter? ?
I'll stop before I incriminate myself any further.
-Living in France:
Whilst trying to find my way home after Nouveau Beajoulaise (celebration for the new wines) day in France, I got a touch lost. I hitched a lift and was deposited at a night club with about 5 people inside. Sensing this wasn't home I departed and continued my search, I spotted a light on at a nearby chalet so sought directions, they opened the door but couldn't understand my limited French vocabulary. By this point I was getting a bit distressed as I was freezing cold and didn't have a coat so I took shelter in a chalet that was c still under construction, I dozed off. When I awoke I was wearing a huge bright yellow sou'wester?? I left the building to continue my search for home with no joy, as I wandered through the lonely streets a Gendarmerie vehicle approached, I thought my saviour had arrived. To my surprise the Gendarme jumped out of the car and charged at me, cracking me across the face with his baton(fracturing my nose)
he threw me across the bonnet ofvthe car and hand cuffed me, bundled me in the back and drove me half an hour away to the nearest police station, I was interrogated for about an hour by armed police. I didn't have the foggiest idea what was going on. Eventually I was taken back to the car and driven back to Crest Voland (they obviously knew where the English were staying) and was dumped outside the hotel. I had to return to the police station the following morning with all of my ID and with my resort manager, they were given a bollocking and told I should be kept under control and not allowed access to alcohol. Apparently the people who I'd approached for directions called the gendarmes and reported me as a burglar. The Gendarmes also said I was lucky they didn't shoot me with rubber bullets.- As a dare I once had my ball sack stapled to another mans legs, that was very messy.
- One particularly drunk night out I ended up behind the bar of the local pub, for reasons unknown to myself the only way people were allowed to purchase drinks was by paying with the exact change, the catch being that the customer had to balance all of the coins on my testicles ,which I would present on the bar counter? ?
I'll stop before I incriminate myself any further.
Pevenseagull
meh
- Jul 20, 2003
- 20,686
From the top.
-Living in France:
Whilst trying to find my way home after Nouveau Beajoulaise (celebration for the new wines) day in France, I got a touch lost. I hitched a lift and was deposited at a night club with about 5 people inside. Sensing this wasn't home I departed and continued my search, I spotted a light on at a nearby chalet so sought directions, they opened the door but couldn't understand my limited French vocabulary. By this point I was getting a bit distressed as I was freezing cold and didn't have a coat so I took shelter in a chalet that was c still under construction, I dozed off. When I awoke I was wearing a huge bright yellow sou'wester?? I left the building to continue my search for home with no joy, as I wandered through the lonely streets a Gendarmerie vehicle approached, I thought my saviour had arrived. To my surprise the Gendarme jumped out of the car and charged at me, cracking me across the face with his baton(fracturing my nose)
- As a dare I once had my ball sack stapled to another mans legs, that was very messy.
- One particularly drunk night out I ended up behind the bar of the local pub, for reasons unknown to myself the only way people were allowed to purchase drinks was by paying with the exact change, the catch being that the customer had to balance all of the coins on my testicles ,which I would present on the bar counter? ?
I'll stop before I incriminate myself any further.
I love your work
DarrenFreemansPerm
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Cheers. I've got some good stories but they're not ones to share with the grandkids 
Pevenseagull
meh
- Jul 20, 2003
- 20,686
not me, but I did nothing to stop it because I was too busy giggling:
"inflammable means it's not flammable, look I'll prove it"............
A&E
"inflammable means it's not flammable, look I'll prove it"............
A&E
Durlston
"You plonker, Rodney!"
I've never been to Canada in my life.
I'll buy you a pint though at the Amex for the Barnsley match if you're in the West stand upper. 
Going to Ibiza with an eighth of cannabis hash in my luggage a few years ago and having a few pints before boarding the plane for dutch courage. I thought it would be difficult to get over there but practically every scouser was selling it cheap.
Pevenseagull
meh
- Jul 20, 2003
- 20,686
After a heavy night out when i lived in Madrid i was awoken in the morning rush hour by a policeman having fallen asleep on a grassy roundabout on the main road outside atocha railway station. It was one of those biggish grass covered roundabouts that must have looked rather comfy in my inebriated state. Another time i strolled drunkenly into a metro station, leapt the barrier right in front of the metro policeman who i didnt even notice and all this undertaken even though i actually had a ticket ffs! There then followed a chase scene down the escalators and i jumped onto a waiting train. Unfortunately the train doors failed to close before he caught up with me denying me the opportunity of smuggly waving at him through the glass as the train slid out of the station. Instead i was ordered back up the escalators complaining so bitterly all the way that by the time we reached the top he was so fed up with it all he just let me go.
My "escapades" frequently involved travelling and waking in unfamiliar places. I would regularly wake up in the sidings at West Worthing railway station having boarded at Brighton and intending to alight at Portslade for a short walk home. I regularly walked the 10 or so miles home. One time I ended up in London and stayed for three or four days walking across to Romford and drinking in that area.
I woke up in the middle of a freeway in Houston bitten by chiggers (giant ants) having gone to meet somebody near to the airport. After a particularly long session in Key Largo (the Caribbean Club) I woke out in the swamps dehydrated and had to check myself into a hospital.
Really unsure how I came through it all.
I woke up in the middle of a freeway in Houston bitten by chiggers (giant ants) having gone to meet somebody near to the airport. After a particularly long session in Key Largo (the Caribbean Club) I woke out in the swamps dehydrated and had to check myself into a hospital.
Really unsure how I came through it all.
The mrs was away for a few days so after work met my brother and had a bit of a session on Stella
Got home and we were starving, had a couple of frozen pizza's so decided to whack them in the oven...had only moved into the house a week or so earlier...spent fifteen minutes trying to like the gas oven to no avail having tried the ignite button and thinking that didn't work getting through a box of matches, ended up cooking them under the grill
Awoke in the morning to realise that the oven was electric...
Got home and we were starving, had a couple of frozen pizza's so decided to whack them in the oven...had only moved into the house a week or so earlier...spent fifteen minutes trying to like the gas oven to no avail having tried the ignite button and thinking that didn't work getting through a box of matches, ended up cooking them under the grill
Awoke in the morning to realise that the oven was electric...
Doctor Crawley
Active member
Went up to Burton many years ago to watch my little football team play.We travelled up on the Saturday so that we could take advantage of the fine ales that Burton has to offer by staying over night.
In an effort to keep costs down,and as it was early September we decided to take a tent and set up camp as our base.
Having already consumed a few,we found a tidy field to pitch the tent and then went out to get mullered after the game.
I awoke on the Sunday morning (just) to the sound of hustle and bustle.
I peered out of the tent to find that we were in the middle of a fully functioning,packed car boot sale.
People were starring at me,probably because just to the side of the tent were two piles of puke and a huge human turd.
In an effort to keep costs down,and as it was early September we decided to take a tent and set up camp as our base.
Having already consumed a few,we found a tidy field to pitch the tent and then went out to get mullered after the game.
I awoke on the Sunday morning (just) to the sound of hustle and bustle.
I peered out of the tent to find that we were in the middle of a fully functioning,packed car boot sale.
People were starring at me,probably because just to the side of the tent were two piles of puke and a huge human turd.
What about the grils?
Got pissed one night on champers, after a "thank-you" do at the Cafe Royale following an intensive audit featuring a takeover battle for Trust Houses Forte. Sadly I turned right outside the door of the CR instead of left (to aim for Charing Cross), and was found by police in a doorway in Oxford Street somewhat the worse for wear. Had to spend the night in the cells at Gt Malborough Street.
All I can remember in the car, was they asked me my name and I told them "Hmm", one said, "he isn't THAT bad." Then they asked me my birthday....complete blank.
I got fined £2 I think.
All I can remember in the car, was they asked me my name and I told them "Hmm", one said, "he isn't THAT bad." Then they asked me my birthday....complete blank.
I got fined £2 I think.
wakeytom
New member
Like others too many to mention but even though I still drink its a much more relaxed affair now!
One night after a celebration at a conference on a university campus during Easter I got very drunk and dissorientated. Having never been to the uni and too bad to continue I decided it was a good time to leave to my dorm for the night. It was hammering it down and I got very lost, fell asleep in a ditch then woke back up to find someone driving on a road near, ran towards them asked for a lift which they said no as covered in mud but they called me a taxi. Taxi took me 200 meters to my room, charged me 20 quid at which point I made it to bed. Next day woke up to mud on walls, ruined suit, lost phone, broken glasses and only one shoe!
One night after a celebration at a conference on a university campus during Easter I got very drunk and dissorientated. Having never been to the uni and too bad to continue I decided it was a good time to leave to my dorm for the night. It was hammering it down and I got very lost, fell asleep in a ditch then woke back up to find someone driving on a road near, ran towards them asked for a lift which they said no as covered in mud but they called me a taxi. Taxi took me 200 meters to my room, charged me 20 quid at which point I made it to bed. Next day woke up to mud on walls, ruined suit, lost phone, broken glasses and only one shoe!