Pointless company "team building" days

[BattFink]

We have to do these every so often (got one tomorrow as well) & generally hate these forced attempts at getting colleagues to socialize.

The last one wasn't too bad... we got given a treasure hunt in the east end of London (aka we parked up in the first pub we found & googled all the answers), was then followed by our director taking us for a curry on Brick Lane (more free beer) then back off to another pub until people get bored and headed off.. Think I just about made the last train back from Victoria

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

When I first started working in the States it was with Intel in Portland, Oregon. They used to have these bum numbing, arm chewing off staff appreciation mornings once a month. Basically anybody could nominate anybody else who they thought had gone the extra mile. In reality it just meant people would get a round of applause for doing what they should be doing – ie their job. The Brits used to cringe when they were forced to attend – but having said that we would put up with it because Intel were a bloody good company to work for.

Just be thankful these haven’t crossed the Atlantic……….. yet

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Mmmnah. I'd have something requiring a far more imaginative and physical approach. Something that requires planning, strategy, leadership, imagination, cunning, and an element of pressure.

Put a team of reluctant office clerks in a field with a stroppy llama. They then have two and a half hours to catch it, truss it, shave it, and design an innovative brand awareness campaign to present to three board members of Bernard Matthews, with a view to them ultimately adopting a bald llama as their new corporate logo.

Works for me

 

[kevo]

One job I had a few years ago we had to go on a kind of outdoors assault course in some place in the middle of the woods. We were a very mixed bunch in terms of everything really - class, education, age, interests and, erm, physique - so perhaps they thought it would be a good bonding exercise.

One of the things we had to do was climb up a tower and go down this zip-wire/aerial runway which went over a huge muddy puddle. Cue fat lady in her 50s really not wanting to do it, climbing up, losing her grip half-way down and falling straight into the puddle, and then emerging like a hippo from a swamp, hurt, covered in muck and almost in tears. Cruel people in the office never let her forget - and laughed about it for weeks afterwards.

Quite what this did for her respect and self-confidence I'm not entirely sure!

 

[Lady Whistledown]

When I first started working in the States it was with Intel in Portland, Oregon. They used to have these bum numbing, arm chewing off staff appreciation mornings once a month. Basically anybody could nominate anybody else who they thought had gone the extra mile. In reality it just meant people would get a round of applause for doing what they should be doing – ie their job. The Brits used to cringe when they were forced to attend – but having said that we would put up with it because Intel were a bloody good company to work for.

Just be thankful these haven’t crossed the Atlantic……….. yet

A few years back, I used to work for a well known airline. All the staff were given books of AirMiles, with which you were supposed to reward colleagues who had gone above and beyond the call of duty. Each voucher was for ten AirMiles, so you'd usually chuck a couple somebody's way on the rare occasions you could be bothered. The books were freely available, but most of the time we'd forget we had them, and they didn't get handed out that often.

After a couple of years, the impact of 9/11 had left the airline industry on its knees, and the company announced that a load of people were going to be made redundant from the Crawley office, at which point the entire staff evidently remembered these voucher books and started awarding colleagues two hundred AirMiles at a time for such noble and challenging duties as putting the kettle on, passing the stapler, or turning up for work on time.

I think I went to Paris and back by virtue of remembering to put two sugars in somebody's tea.

 

[cheshunt seagull]

So many over the years. The strangest was a jamboree between London and Yorkshire teams in a snowbound hotel near Ripon in the late 80s. One session involved splitting into mixed gender pairs and asking each other personal questions from a list we were given; these included; 'what turns you on?' and 'what drugs have you taken?'..all apparently to build trust. I was paired off with a, frankly unattractive, older Yorkshirewoman and thought 'in for a penny' and was frank to the point of some embellishment. She wouldn't leave me alone for the rest of the week!

 

[Lady Whistledown]

A few years back, I went paintballing and accidentally shot my boss in the head from less than three feet away.

Curiously, my popularity with the rest of the team soared in inverse proportion to his admiration for me







NB: (1) this was not in my current job, and (2) in my defence, I had no idea he was there as I lined up a long range shot, until he popped up like a meerkat from behind a couple of barrels, just as I pulled the trigger.

 

[Bry Nylon]

Our team-building is fairly informal and works very successfully along the principles of FIFO.

Fit In or f*** Off.

 

[Bry Nylon]

A few years back, I went paintballing and accidentally shot my boss in the head from less than three feet away.

Should you ever decide to apply to join SO19, possibly best not to mention this in the "Hobbies and Interests" section.

Just put "Reading, Travel and Photography" like everybody else.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Should you ever decide to apply to join SO19, possibly best not to mention this in the "Hobbies and Interests" section.

Just put "Reading, Travel and Photography" like everybody else.

Hmmm...we are talking about the Met here, right...?

 

[seagullsovergrimsby]

My last pointless team build was 10 years ago , role play and how to deliver "gold service" to the customer (we were already delivering "PLATINUM service"). I left on voluntary redundancy a week after the team build event.

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

Have managed to avoid the worst of these although I once escaped an appalling session where the leader was laying out lots of pictures on the floor and asking people to pick pictures that resembled how they were feeling. As this was the day after a popular member of the team had been sacked the atmosphere was already tense and this didn't help. Thankfully my phone rang and I was urgently called back to the office. What they didn't realise was that I had sneakily called my work mobile from my own mobile!

I did a fun exercise last year. We were told to report to the Grand Hotel at 2pm one afternoon. I was envisaging something horrible and boring and feared the worse when the leader started talking about getting us all to work together as a team, supporting each other and all the usual crap. He then took us into a different room and we were told we had to learn the art of Taiko Drumming in the afternoon ready to put on a short performance at the end of the day. It was great fun (and hard work) and afterwards we all got taken out to dinner.

 

[Drebin]

We had one about 10 years ago now that was bizarre in the extreme.

The morning session was one of those tell something to the group nobody knows about you.

The company Chairman informed the group he didn't really spend a year in Africa, he had been sectioned after being charged with common assault and he was an alcoholic, the General Manager (who was the Chairmans Brother) told us all he was an alcoholic and had failed his family and friends. This resulted in the two standing at the front of the room hugging and crying. The Financial Director stood up announced "I haven't got time for this bollocks" and stormed out the room.
Most of the Women were by now fussing over the two brothers telling them how brave they were and how much they respected them, we all went to the bar.

It was never discussed again.

My favourite so far. Ticks all the right boxes; awkwardness, irrelevance and embarassment.

 

[Weststander]

Just go with it, pretend you've taken loads from it and get ahead at work. Simples.

Bootlicking, sychopant. You will go along way, but at what price.

 

[The Modfather]

I feel for you Badger. That sounds truly awful.

 

[Garage_Doors]

Bootlicking, sychopant. You will go along way, but at what price.

Good prospects and more money. win win.

 

[Badger]

I've decided to spice things up a little for this afternoon's team building by handing in my notice...

 

[MattBackHome]

I've decided to spice things up a little for this afternoon's team building by handing in my notice...

BOOM! Top thread (about to get even better).

 

[Nibble]

Be warned if you work for a company that sends you on these team building events. I have freelanced for these companies before doing roleplay etc and more than one very big company has used these days to decide who they will make redundant in the near future.

 

[Fef]

Be warned if you work for a company that sends you on these team building events. I have freelanced for these companies before doing roleplay etc and more than one very big company has used these days to decide who they will make redundant in the near future.

Good advice !