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Pointless company "team building" days













Marshy

Well-known member
Jul 6, 2003
19,955
FRUIT OF THE BLOOM
Just throw everyone £30 and tell them to goto the pub for the night, its the best team building'/bonding you can get.
 




simmo

Well-known member
Feb 8, 2008
2,787
Pointless company "team building" days

Had a team building day as a care worker but the fatal mistake was going for a drink afterwards one of the guys beat another guy to shit after a night on the lash, neither returned to work:facepalm:
We needed to rebuild our team after that.

:lol::lol::lol:
 




We had one about 10 years ago now that was bizarre in the extreme.

The morning session was one of those tell something to the group nobody knows about you.

The company Chairman informed the group he didn't really spend a year in Africa, he had been sectioned after being charged with common assault and he was an alcoholic, the General Manager (who was the Chairmans Brother) told us all he was an alcoholic and had failed his family and friends. This resulted in the two standing at the front of the room hugging and crying. The Financial Director stood up announced "I haven't got time for this bollocks" and stormed out the room.
Most of the Women were by now fussing over the two brothers telling them how brave they were and how much they respected them, we all went to the bar.

It was never discussed again.
 




happypig

Staring at the rude boys
May 23, 2009
8,171
Eastbourne
Did one of the role play ones years ago, I had to be a customer and this geordie bloke who was new to the company had to be the BT man who had broken my window accidentally. He started off with "I'm sorry I've broken your window" and I came back with "get out of my f**king house you useless c**t and get your manager round here straight away". That kind of put that bit to bed.

The company comes up with them every few years and I go along vowing that this time I'll just keep schtum and let it wash over me; I'm usually asked to leave before lunch. The alternative is to tell everyone how much I'm looking forward to it then not bother to go.
 


KneeOn

Well-known member
Jun 4, 2009
4,695
Our team building days tend to be this.

- Meet at *pub* at 7pm.
- Go do the eventy thing (lazer tag, more drinking in the same pub)
- Go back to the pup if we want.
- Go to a shot bar, usually Oxygen.
- Go to a club
- Black out and realize that you threw up in to a cup in the club, that you have to go up to head office the next day hungover etc etc.
 


Nibble

New member
Jan 3, 2007
19,238
Did one of the role play ones years ago, I had to be a customer and this geordie bloke who was new to the company had to be the BT man who had broken my window accidentally. He started off with "I'm sorry I've broken your window" and I came back with "get out of my f**king house you useless c**t and get your manager round here straight away". That kind of put that bit to bed.

The company comes up with them every few years and I go along vowing that this time I'll just keep schtum and let it wash over me; I'm usually asked to leave before lunch. The alternative is to tell everyone how much I'm looking forward to it then not bother to go.

That's quite funny. Would be even funnier if I could bring myself to believe you.
 




Perfidious Albion

Well-known member
Oct 25, 2011
6,368
At the end of my tether
So many.....

1] Building a car as a team out of big Lego type stuff, while onlookers assessed our team interplay and leadership.
2] 2 days in a Hotel listening to pop-psychology nonsense and were provided with toys and sweets to keep going(why do they treat you like children?
3] For "fun" the managers dressed up as teachers and we had to be students answering exam questions. (This proved to be like that psychology experiment where the make believe guards abused the make believe prisoners) I was struck with a cane by the teacher - and stormed out....

So much time and money wasted ......
 








Lady Whistledown

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 7, 2003
47,630
I'm sure some people on here have been subjected to this sort of thing, what is the worst you have been forced to attend?

This is the "fun and japes" our company will be having tomorrow:


"The first team briefing of 2013 takes place on Thursday 7 March, with the focus firmly on fun, team-building and creativity! Does anyone watch The Great British Bake Off or The Apprentice? Well, here is your chance to show off your own creative and competitive skills to your colleagues - at the Chocolate Truffle 'Apprentice' Challenge!

You will be in teams of 7/8. Each team is given the challenge of making a chocolate product for a specific market. The exercise will involve:

· Race against the clock as teams learn how to make handmade chocolates, identify a market niche, design the packaging and work together to create the final product.
· Presentation skills are put to the test as teams showcase the product, packaging and sales pitch to our judging panel. Watch out as there will be special guest appearances from Alan Sugar and Dragon Den’s Peter Jones and Duncan Bannatyne.
· Wigs, feather boas and other such sophisticated props are available to bring a little finesse to the proceedings. Hilarity is pretty much guaranteed..
· Chocolatey prizes will be awarded to the winning team. Marks are given for innovation, cooperation and general genius.
· Rest assured this challenge does include bowls of melted chocolate, handmade chocolate centres, delicious toppings and decorations!"




I CANNOT wait.

This sounds like the sort of thing Easy 10 would make up :ohmy:
 


Lady Whistledown

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 7, 2003
47,630


Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
13,104
Toronto
I have just discovered that we are being assigned to teams, so no chance of me being able to team up with 7 people that share my level of enthusiasm :down:
 






EDS

Banned
Nov 11, 2012
2,040
When I worked for a large property developer, we were sent on a team building day(well two days). We had to tie a balloon to our ankles and try and pop each other balloons in teams, this was meant to teach us team building somehow. Half of us pished off and spent two days in the hotel bar. I received an email saying I would be reported to the Building Director for not taking part for the whole of the course. I never responded as he was one of the ones who spent the two days in the hotel bar with us as he thought it was all rubbish as well, I never heard anything else.
 


Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
62,413
Location Location
This sounds like the sort of thing Easy 10 would make up :ohmy:

Mmmnah. I'd have something requiring a far more imaginative and physical approach. Something that requires planning, strategy, leadership, imagination, cunning, and an element of pressure.

Put a team of reluctant office clerks in a field with a stroppy llama. They then have two and a half hours to catch it, truss it, shave it, and design an innovative brand awareness campaign to present to three board members of Bernard Matthews, with a view to them ultimately adopting a bald llama as their new corporate logo.
 


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