[News] New office speek bowlocks

[WATFORD zero]

Guessing your company is a little slow keeping up with the times. My old company kicked out brainstorming many years ago for that reason.

I was going to say I remember the same - we replaced brain storming with 'first thoughting' and that was a significant time before I retired 9 years ago

 

[giveusfalmerplease]

Do companies still have "Subject Matter Experts"? That was my title once as I was considered the expert in one of my ex employers systems. However that was really due to being the last man standing after every one else had been promoted or got a job elsewhere..

 

[WATFORD zero]

So has anyone else tried to create their own buzzword?

Me and a workmate came up with “Horizon Hunting” and started using it in conversations with each other.

A few weeks later, some numpty at a meeting actually used it

My career was complete from that moment on

I've been retired a long time and it was when i was working in the finance industry so, in total well over 25 years ago ? We started jokingly talking about bullshit terms and using the term 'data harbouring' around my department as a sort of 'in joke'. A couple of years later a salesman I was talking to from Oracle used the term. Coincidence ? I think not

And (sort of related) years and years ago, a new techie started with us and on the Friday, as was customary we went to the pub lunchtime, had a skinful and played pool. When asked is he was any good at pool, he replied 'I'm a bit tasty' and got stuck with the Moniker of Tasty.

Fast forward about 20 years and I get introduced to the staff at a large new client, 'and this is our Infrastructure manager, just call him Tasty'

 

[Dave the OAP]

I wrote the change policy/process at work using basic ITIL processes and on change tickets, I made sure we never get engineers to close change tickets, just set them to “Resolved / successful, or waiting customer confirmation”. We have configured the system to auto close change ticket 3 days after it is set to resolved. That will give customers and engineers time to review implications after the change window closes on the ticket.

Yes I am that fecking sad!

In theory, it is as described above but in practice, it is a dictionary of words you can attach to a project to impress people. In my experience, very rare that any of the methodology is actually followed. But as long as you have a project sponsor and a project brief then you can Trump/Johnson your way through any problems. Bombard people with nonsense until they get bored, essentially.

For PRINCE, see also ITIL. We had a company proudly tell me they are fully ITIL compliant. Within 10 minutes, they closed a call I had logged on their Servicedesk. I did query why they hadn't marked it as resolved and asked me if it could be closed - as per ITIL procedure. Again, blustertastic.

 

[Dick Swiveller]

Yes I am that fecking sad!

Or ITIL compliant, as it is known.

 

[Nottseagull]

It all started 40 years ago when councils started calling Dustmen "Refuse Disposal Workers"

I believe it was actually 'Refuse Disposal Officers'.

That's called 'frontloading'.

That sounds like I've done something underhand!

 

[dazzer6666]

Even funnier than that. Three years ago, I was tasked with providing data for a whizzy new project. After the best part of a year, I got it working to exactly the specs required. It has partially worked as intended ever since and the parts that don't are firmly at the door of the third party.

Fast forward to a few months ago, we took on a new area manager who knows someone at the third party. He comes up with this amazing plan that will save the company/planet/universe. Which is word for word the brief I was given 3 years ago. Still, we go with a "hot house" and then have our meeting with the Onboarding Executive - despite having been "onboard" for three years. I guess they don't have a "Stop Them Jumping Overboard Executive".

At least the meeting with the Client Onboarding Executive was short after someone other than me pointed out that what they were showing us was what we have been using for the last 3 years. But still we dance the dance.

100% classic project management evasion/denial of responsibility, right there

 

[dazzer6666]

Do companies still have "Subject Matter Experts"? That was my title once as I was considered the expert in one of my ex employers systems. However that was really due to being the last man standing after every one else had been promoted or got a job elsewhere..

Don't be ridiculous, they are only referred to now by their more modern tag.

SME, obviously.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Don't be ridiculous, they are only referred to now by their more modern tag.

SME, obviously.

Not to be confused with CRM which is invariably some kind of facile database software package for storing details of your customers and potential customers.

 

[Dick Swiveller]

100% classic project management evasion/denial of responsibility, right there

You'd think. But given that SQL ETL was a bad scrabble hand as far as I was concerned until I inherited this project, I am amazed that I can confirm that the problem does lie at their end and not with my Heath Robinson SQL.Which makes the fact we are giving them more business which is exactly the same as the business that doesn't work all the more ludicrous. That is some Blue Sky Thought Showering Up a Flagpole right there.

 

[schmunk]

I've just received a message from LinkedIn (yeah, I know, I know) to congratulate a distant contact for starting a new role as "Burning Questions Fellow".

 

[WATFORD zero]

I've just received a message from LinkedIn (yeah, I know, I know) to congratulate a distant contact for starting a new role as "Burning Questions Fellow".

That just has to be a euphemism from an [MENTION=31]El Presidente[/MENTION] collection

 

[Nobby]

I've been retired a long time and it was when i was working in the finance industry so, in total well over 25 years ago ? We started jokingly talking about bullshit terms and using the term 'data harbouring' around my department as a sort of 'in joke'. A couple of years later a salesman I was talking to from Oracle used the term. Coincidence ? I think not

And (sort of related) years and years ago, a new techie started with us and on the Friday, as was customary we went to the pub lunchtime, had a skinful and played pool. When asked is he was any good at pool, he replied 'I'm a bit tasty' and got stuck with the Moniker of Tasty.

Fast forward about 20 years and I get introduced to the staff at a large new client, 'and this is our Infrastructure manager, just call him Tasty'

He he he

 

[maffew]

You'd think. But given that SQL ETL was a bad scrabble hand as far as I was concerned until I inherited this project, I am amazed that I can confirm that the problem does lie at their end and not with my Heath Robinson SQL.Which makes the fact we are giving them more business which is exactly the same as the business that doesn't work all the more ludicrous. That is some Blue Sky Thought Showering Up a Flagpole right there.

SSIS?

 

[portlock seagull]

Do companies still have "Subject Matter Experts"? That was my title once as I was considered the expert in one of my ex employers systems. However that was really due to being the last man standing after every one else had been promoted or got a job elsewhere..

Think it’s gone out of fashion now thank god because SME acronym belongs to Small Med Enterprises. That came first!

 

[portlock seagull]

Not to be confused with CRM which is invariably some kind of facile database software package for storing details of your customers and potential customers.

In fairness that’s the name of something, a system and well established business acronym rather than jargon. Could say same about BHA.

Anyway all jargon really is, is a form of expressing belonging. We want to feel included, part of a group of people with a common bond where belonging can be demonstrated by using a language exclusively used by participants. That’s the psychology behind it basically and no matter how much we all scoff at and hate, we’re all guilty of at times because we function in social groups and hierarchies and want to identify as such. You could say swearing on a building site is the same thing, jargon used to obtain acceptance within that group.

 

[dazzer6666]

In fairness that’s the name of something, a system and well established business acronym rather than jargon. Could say same about BHA.

Anyway all jargon really is, is a form of expressing belonging. We want to feel included, part of a group of people with a common bond where belonging can be demonstrated by using a language exclusively used by participants. That’s the psychology behind it basically and no matter how much we all scoff at and hate, we’re all guilty of at times because we function in social groups and hierarchies and want to identify as such. You could say swearing on a building site is the same thing, jargon used to obtain acceptance within that group.

Does this include the utter *****peak used by ‘Agile’ project managers, always on the lookout to ‘identify sprints to quick wins’ and suchlike........? LOL.

 

[Dick Swiveller]

SSIS?

No. T SQL stored procedures. Hundreds of the damn things.

 

[maffew]

No. T SQL stored procedures. Hundreds of the damn things.

Haha I feel your pain. I just had to build a huge "ETL" project on SQL express writing sprocs using openquery and using windows scheduler due to, well no data tools/ETL or sql agent. TBH it (can) work (a charm) this way, though PITA
Oh and back on topic, I still refer to DTS if that means anything to you, and makes me look well old

 

[portlock seagull]

Does this include the utter *****peak used by ‘Agile’ project managers, always on the lookout to ‘identify sprints to quick wins’ and suchlike........? LOL.

No idea, I’m prince2 me and that’s clean of any such bowlocks