[Humour] Limericks Are Fun

[Flagship]

Anyone remember limericks. Comedians used to use them in the days of variety and they were also a little risqué but fun.

How about we do some limericks just for a laugh.

Here's a rather tame Albion one to hopefully get us going.


There's probably no disputin,
That manager Christopher Hughton
Don't much attack,
He'll play round the back,
And stop Glen Murray from shootin.

 

[Is it PotG?]

There was a young lady called Heather
Whose vaggie was made out of leather.
She made an odd noise
For attracting the boys
By flapping the edges together.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Old mother hubbard went to the cupboard
To get old Rover a bone
As she bent over
Up stepped Rover
And gave her a bone of his own.

 

[BN9 BHA]

Mary had a little lamb
It climbed up on a pylon
10,000 volts shot up its arse
And turned it's fleece to nylon

 

[darkwolf666]

There was a young lady from Bude
Who loved to swim in the nude
A young man, in a punt
Stuck his pole in her ear
And said you can't swim here love it's private!

 

[papajaff]

There was a young man from Devizes
Whose balls were two different sizes
One was so small it meant nothing at all
But the other so big it won prizes

 

[pasty]

Hickery dickery dock
Two mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
And the other one got away with minor injuries

 

[Icy Gull]

There was a young man from Darjeeling
Who travelled from London to Ealing
It said on the door
Don’t spit on the floor
So he didn’t he spat at the ceiling

 

[BN9 BHA]

There was a young man from Brighton
Who thought he'd at last found a tight 'un
He said "oh my love
It fits like a glove"
She said "but you're not in the right 'un "

 

[Sussexscots]

When Brighton beat City in May,
The Mancs didn't feel very gay.
They said 'Come on Pep'.
You've spent all the Sheikh's wedge
But have just the League Cup to display.


And its all a press/rag/dippers conspiracy..... Etc

 

[essbee1]

There was a young man form Porthcawl
Who went to a fancy dress ball
He went as a tree
But couldn't foresee
Being pissed on by cats dogs and all.

 

[Flagship]

There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling,
She laid on her back,
Opened her crack,
And pissed all over the ceiling.

 

[Flagship]

Half the fellas from Brighton,
Think kissin men's exitin,
Their favourite stunt,
Treat an arse like a ****,
And pray that they might get a tight'un.

 

[sydney]

theres was a young lady from Leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
a tuft of grass
shot out of her arse
and her fanny got covered in weeds

 

[sydney]

there once was a whore from berlin
who had a gigantic quim
it wasn't the size
that attracted the flies
but the jelly that hung from the rim.

 

[sydney]

there once was a man from dundas
who's balls were made of brass
in windy weather
they clanged together
and sparks flew out of his arse.

 

[Frutos]

There once was a man from Nantucket

But the stories about him were a gross exaggeration.

 

[Cadiz Seagull]

One day, while mixing rose madder,
Titian's model ascended a ladder.
Her position, to Titian,
Suggested coition,
So he nipped up the ladder and had her

 

[dingodan]

There once was a man from Nantucket.

His **** was so long he could **** it.

He said with a grin, wiping *** from his chin,

If my ear was a ***** I'd **** it!

 

[el punal]

All the girls loved a footballer called Bong,

Whose dick was incredibly long,

When it hit the floor,

The ladies would roar,

And immediately burst into song.