[Humour] Limericks Are Fun

[Guinness Boy]

There once was a Vulcan called Spock
Who had a magnificent cock
He lost all his logic
From one gin and tonic
And put it up Uhuru's frock

 

[Flagship]

The athlete Semenya Caster
Don't know if she's Miss or a Master
Absolutely no doubt,
When running about,
Testosterone makes her go faster.

 

[SUA Seagull]

There was an enchanting young bride,
Who ate many green apples and died.
The apples fermented,
inside the lamented,
and made cider inside her inside.

 

[Dorset Seagull]

There was a young man from Australia
Who painted his bum like a dahlia
Tuppence a smell was all very well
But threepence a lick was a failure

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

There is a Brighton player called Dale.
Who will always back pass without fail.
Sometimes he will surprise.
By passing to the sides.
And do it with the pace of a Snail.

 

[shingle]

There was a young lady from Uttoxeter
and all the young men waved their cocks at her
from one of these cocks
she contracted the pox
and poxed all the cocks in Uttoxeter

 

[Goldstone1976]

There is a Brighton player called Dale.
Who will always back pass without fail.
Sometimes he will surprise.
By passing to the sides.
And do it with the pace of a Snail.

There is a Brighton player called Ryan
Who saves the shots without tryin’.
He kicks into touch
Far, far too much.
That’s when he calls himself Brian.

 

[Sirnormangall]

It’s got to be said and I’m surprised one of you lot hasn’t come out with it sooner:

‘‘Twas on the good ship Venus
My god you should have seen us
The figure head was a nude in bed
Sucking a red hot pen*s”

 

[Two Professors]

There was a young player called Ash
Who left us in search of more cash
We all lives and learns
Apart from Mr. Burns
Whose postings were complete gash

 

[bhafc99]

There's a player called Izquierdo
Whose one trick is a real flair show
He cuts in from the flank
And gives it a shank
Whether it goes in is rare though

 

[el punal]

It’s got to be said and I’m surprised one of you lot hasn’t come out with it sooner:

‘‘Twas on the good ship Venus
My god you should have seen us
The figure head was a nude in bed
Sucking a red hot pen*s”

Old ones are the best - but it’s not a limerick.

 

[el punal]

I’ve heard this strong rumour,

About a young lad called Bissouma,

He showed no pity,

Scored the winner against City.

And the ‘Pool have showered him with mazuma!

 

[Screaming J]

There was a young girl from Aberystwyth
Who took grain to the mill to get grist with
The Miller's son Jack
Laid her flat on her back
And they united the organs they pissed with.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

There is a Brighton player called Ryan
Who saves the shots without tryin’.
He kicks into touch
Far, far too much.
That’s when he calls himself Brian.

Move over Atilla, there’s new kids on the block!

 

[papajaff]

There was a young fella named Bloom
Who Asked Hughton to enter the room
“If you don’t want the sack
Then feckin attack”
And I’ll make you live down in Scoombe

 

[Flagship]

A lady called Dorothy Martin,
Let rip from her centre partin,
You could tell from the smell,
She's not very well,
The fanny, not bum, did the fartin.

 

[albionalba]

Family history searching took me to this delightful publication where a grandfather regularly entered the footie limerick competition for a 10/- prize (not bad for 1906)

So, inspired to have a go on this old thread

Our player is Simon Adingra
An exceptionally talented winger
From Afcon he's back
With awards for his knack
Of making and taking a zinger

Let's have a limerick for our goal scorer/s after tomorrow.....

 

[Brok]

Family history searching took me to this delightful publication where a grandfather regularly entered the footie limerick competition for a 10/- prize (not bad for 1906)

View attachment 176161

So, inspired to have a go on this old thread

Our player is Simon Adingra
An exceptionally talented winger
From Afcon he's back
With awards for his knack
Of making and taking a zinger

Let's have a limerick for our goal scorer/s after tomorrow.....

Not bad? In 1906 you could have probably bought a half decent house in Brighton for that.

Or most of Burnley.

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

There was a young girl from Aberystwyth
Who took grain to the mill to get grist with
The Miller's son Jack
Laid her flat on her back
And they united the organs they pissed with.

Similar to the one I heard ...

There once were two school kids from Aberystwyth
Who made love with the lips that they kissed with
But as they grew older
They also grew bolder
Making love with the things that they pissed with

 

[GT49er]

They told me that limericks were fun
So I sat down to try to write one
But they really are not
Just a load of old grot
Now I wish I had never begun (to read this entire thread again!)