[Humour] Limericks Are Fun

[catfish]

The captain his name was Carter
He was a stupendous farter
When the wind wouldn't blow
And the ship wouldn't go
Then Carter the farter would start her

 

[Eeyore]

Hughton 'out' they did say,
'in' was the word the next day.
So whether it's 'in' or it's 'out'
we'll shake it about
and change it the next time we play.

 

[Two Professors]

The captain his name was Carter
He was a stupendous farter
When the wind wouldn't blow
And the ship wouldn't go
Then Carter the farter would start her

The cabin boy's name was Kipper
He was a dirty nipper
He stuffed his aarse
With broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.

 

[Goldstone1976]

The cabin boy's name was Kipper
He was a dirty nipper
He stuffed his aarse
With broken glass
And circumcised the skipper.

The captain’s wife was Mabel,
By God, was she able.
She gave the crew their daily due
Upon the kitchen table

 

[Goldstone1976]

There was a young whore from Peru
Who filled her [Anglo-Saxon four letter word for lady garden. Yes, that one] with glue.
She said, with a grin,
“If they pay to get in
They’ll pay to get out too”

 

[Jack Straw]

There once was a man in prison,
who discovered surrealism.
Stick of rhubarb with a bicycle wheel instead of a leaf,
Moths with scaffold boards as wings,
fish.

 

[Guinness Boy]

There once was a Tory named Tim
Whose view on cyclists was dim
He got an erection
and stood for election
But Green put him in to the bin

(Well, if you won't read it on the Local Election thread ).......

 

[GT49er]

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When asked if they rhymed
He replied, "Every time"
But I always seem to have to try and squeeze as many words into the last line that I can.

 

[GT49er]

A gay man who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian back to his room
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, with what, to whom.

 

[GT49er]

There was a young lady from Ryde
Who ate a green apple and died
The apple fermented
Inside the lamented
Made cider inside 'er inside.



..............and having established that the old ones are the best, I'll retire gracefully!

 

[Muhammad - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

There was a young man from Dundee
Who got stung on the neck by a wasp,
When asked if it hurt,
He said ‘no, not much’
‘It can do it again if it likes’

 

[dejavuatbtn]

There was a young lady from Kent
Who to a football match was sent
Whilst behind the goal
She opened her hole
So that’s where the football went!

 

[neilbard]

Limericks Are Fun

 

[Garage_Doors]

Mary had a little lamb
It was full of fun and frolicks.
It followed her to school one day.
So she kicked it the bollicks.

 

[Garage_Doors]

Mary had a little lamb.
The lamb was always grunting.
It really got on her tits.
So she kick the ****ing **** in.

 

[Two Professors]

There was a young man from Crowborough
Who wouldn't pay a whore what he owed her
She jumped out of bed
Her face flaming red
And pist in his whisky and soda

 

[The Clown of Pevensey Bay]

There was a young dancer named Gloria
Who made love to Sir Gerald du Maurier
Jack Hylton, Jack Paine
Jack Hylton again
And the band of the Brixton Astoria

 

[Postman Pat]

There was a player called Murray
He never seemed in a hurry
The best you can get
Finding the back of the net
Against those twats in red and blue from Surrey

 

[banjo]

There was a manager named Gus
When travelling made such a fuss
He was banned from a train, not allowed on a plane
And now only travels by bus.

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were astounded
Everywhere that Mary went
Gynaecologists surrounded