Joke du jour

[wallyback]

A Sunday League football team is desperate for players. So desperate in fact that one Sunday they are forced to play a chicken. Rather surprisingly the chicken has a brilliant first half. One minute it's clearing off its own line, the next threading the perfect through ball, the next putting in a perfect cross.

At half time all its team-mates are very pleased and everyone runs back onto the pitch for the second half.

On the way the ref starts chatting with the chicken.

"Great first half mate, you must be really fit".

"Thanks", replied the chicken, "I try to keep myself fit but its difficult finding the time so I try to do an hour in the gym each morning before work".

"What do you do then?" asked the ref.

"I'm a chartered accountant" replies the chicken.

At this point the ref immediately brandishes the red card and sends the chicken off. The bemused team-mates gather round the ref and start complaining.

"Sorry lads", says the ref, "I had no choice - Professional fowl".

 

[Acker79]

How did the chicken sign its registration papers? Would the FA have allowed a chicken to register?
The average life span of a chicken is 7 years old, isn't it a little unfair to have a 7 year old (or younger) playing in an adult's game? Under 18s have to have parental permission, but surely if the parent is also under 18 that creates a legal minefield of legal consent?
A talking chicken? A chicken that works out in a gym for an hour a day? You really are stretching credulity.

 

[Coldeanseagull]

Is the chicken a left back?

 

[sydney]

Is the chicken a left back?

nah he's a winger...!

 

[hans kraay fan club]

I'm with Acker - I simply don't believe this so called story. Apart from anything else, if they'd been desperate enough to rope in a chicken at the very last moment, where would they have found a KIT to fit it? There's no way it would have been allowed to play NAKED.

Or shin pads for that matter. the ref wouldn't have let him play without shin pads.

 

[TheMajor]

Why did the chicken cross the Old Shoreham Road ?

To see the Brighton Aces

 

[Postman Pat]

The referee should be removed from officiating any more games, there is no such offence in the Laws of Association Football called "professional fowl", he may have mis-heard the term "professional foul" in a previous conversation, but even so there is no rule for this, the correct term is "denying a goal scoring opportunity". The chicken has clearly not done so here as he was talking to the referee during half-time so has committed no offence.

This decision will no doubt be appealed and must be overturned by the relevant authority.

 

[ExmouthExile]

Were they allowed to continue the match using the same ball? I mean surely it would be impossible for the average sized chicken to kick a regulation size football, especially with talons or claws or whatever you call chickens feet? There must have been some kind of compromise?

 

[Stinkers Bridge]

Which firm of Chartered Accountants does the chicken work for ? Is it really plausible that they would have a chicken working for them ?
To be honest, even if he was self employed, I doubt very much that he would of ever been accepted at any University, or been able to hold open the necessary books etc that he would of needed to, to learn his trade.
I suspect this story is untrue.

 

[skipper734]

Would be rescinded on appeal, as no case to answer and the Ref. can't spell. Foul not Fowl.

 

[sydney]

a talking chicken...are you sure...?

 

[ExmouthExile]

I suspect this story is untrue.

Well I didn't like to say, but i'm glad i'm not the only one thinking this!

 

[Brovion]

I'm with Acker - I simply don't believe this so called story. Apart from anything else, if they'd been desperate enough to rope in a chicken at the very last moment, where would they have found a KIT to fit it? There's no way it would have been allowed to play NAKED.

Or shin pads for that matter. the ref wouldn't have let him play without shin pads.

I think it was simply a man dressed up as a chicken. But being Sunday League footballers they were all too pissed to notice.

 

[Goldstone1976]

You say the chicken put in a perfect cross, but don't mention the half-time score. I assume therefore that its side didn't score from the opportunity. Is this Sunday League team, like another that springs to mind, also in need of improving its finishing abilities?

 

[Titanic]

Work? Who on earth would employ a chicken?? Preposterous!

 

[Seagull kimchi]

Sounds plausible.

 

[clif26]

Work? Who on earth would employ a chicken?? Preposterous!

erm....battery farmers.


'ere - have you noticed how the thread is funnier than the original joke?
It works best when done in mime.

 

[hart's shirt]

That's 3 consecutive minutes of the chicken's first-half performance accounted for. Granted, the 180 seconds were not entirely insignificant, but there's still another 42 minutes plus first half stoppage time that are unexplained in the afore-mentioned match report.

I don't think this can be in any way construed as a 'brilliant first half'. Moreover, it appears that the chicken might well have been out of position if he's feeling the need to play defensively as well as wide.

Whilst it usually makes for good entertainment when players come out of their shells, I'm surprised it wasn't substituted at halftime.

Footballing chickens, yes. Headless chickens, never.

 

[SeagullSongs]

A chicken weights 2-3 times that of a football. Let's go with 3 times as much.
If a chicken were to put in a perfect cross at, let's say, 45 mph, the chicken - in accordance with Newton's third law of motion - would have to be accelerated backwards by 15 mph, which would be impractical and would likely launch the chicken into the stands.

 

[Jack Straw]

What was the full-time score?