Joke du jour

[Mowgli37]

I work for a Big 4 chartered accountants and having checked with our HR department this afternoon they have confirmed that we neither currently employ, nor have we ever employed, a chicken (or to that matter any other form of poultry). After some pressing they also suggested that it would be extremely unlikely that any major accountancy firm would be able to satisfy itself that the chicken would have the attributes to get it through the chartered accountancy exams, to cope with the technical demands of the profession and to stand round the coffee machine gossiping and yet still charge the time to clients. I therefore also have to conclude that this story appears to be nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt at attention seeking. My suspicion is that it was created by a member of the executive board of the club to divert attention away from the glaring hole in the left side of our defense.

This thread just gets better and better

 

[essbee]

Muzzy,

why would someone take a bloke home just so that he could assess
someone else's marriage. It just doesn't stack up,.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

A real joke du jour

A bloke brings his best mate home after work to meet his wife.
His wife screams "You ****ing dickhead, my hair and make-up are a mess,
the house is a right ****ing tip, the dishes aren't done, I'm still in my pyjamas,
I can't be bothered to cook and it's my time of the month!".
"Why the **** did you bring him home?".
The husband replies "Because he was thinking of getting married".

Is she fit? If she's REALLY fit, the mate would probably weigh it up and decide it was still not a bad deal.

 

[Postman Pat]

A real joke du jour

A bloke brings his best mate home after work to meet his wife.
His wife screams "You ****ing dickhead, my hair and make-up are a mess,
the house is a right ****ing tip, the dishes aren't done, I'm still in my pyjamas,
I can't be bothered to cook and it's my time of the month!".
"Why the **** did you bring him home?".
The husband replies "Because he was thinking of getting married".

So we are to assume that this bloke and his "best mate" presumably have been friends for some time, but he has never met his wife until this episode, not much of a best mate is he.

 

[Brovion]

So we are to assume that this bloke and his "best mate" presumably have been friends for some time, but he has never met his wife until this episode, not much of a best mate is he.

I love these threads!

 

[Questions]

So this guy is just about to get married and he still has no idea women are fecking mental.........yeah right.

 

[Matt Richards]

So this guy is just about to get married and he still has no idea women are fecking mental.........yeah right.

More plausible than a chicken playing football.

 

[essbee]

and definitely more plausible than a chicken about to get married.

 

[keaton]

How can the dishes not be done but she hasn't cooked dinner yet? I think she's lying. She's probably got a bloke in the wardrobe upstairs. The JOKE is on her husband.

 

[Hove Seagull]

So this guy is just about to get married and he still has no idea women are fecking mental.........yeah right.

Do any of us, first time around?

 

[hans kraay fan club]

How can the dishes not be done but she hasn't cooked dinner yet? I think she's lying. She's probably got a bloke in the wardrobe upstairs. The JOKE is on her husband.

I actually think she's shagging the husband's so-called 'best mate'. Why esle would she be so concerned about not having had the chance to get dolled up? Cheating bitch.

 

[sydney]

i just logged on......who's shagging a chicken...

 

[Pavilionaire]

The standard of Joke Du Jour is really going downhill fast. I blame Paul Barber.

 

[Goldstone Rapper]

The standard of Joke Du Jour is really going downhill fast. I blame Paul Barber.

Pardon my ignorance, but what does 'joke du jour' actually mean? I've only seen the term used on NSC.

 

[Frutos]

Pardon my ignorance, but what does 'joke du jour' actually mean? I've only seen the term used on NSC.

Joke of the day, literally.

 

[Blackadder]

How did the chicken sign its registration papers? Would the FA have allowed a chicken to register?
The average life span of a chicken is 7 years old, isn't it a little unfair to have a 7 year old (or younger) playing in an adult's game? Under 18s have to have parental permission, but surely if the parent is also under 18 that creates a legal minefield of legal consent?
A talking chicken? A chicken that works out in a gym for an hour a day? You really are stretching credulity.

Hang on just a Chicken Pickin moment.

According to that well known site, Backyardchickens.com

Pet chickens can live up to 15 even 20 years if they make it though all the dangers in life.

They are "snacks" to a huge range of predators.

Often carry genetics that do not confer longivity, such as the propensity to have tumors and cancer or other health problems because parents were all bred young and no selection for longer life has taken place

Can be susceptible to sickness as they age.

However, with the right care and living in fort knox, they should easily get into their teens IF they do not come down with tumors or other health issues before then.


http://www.backyardchickens.com/t/35213/how-long-do-chickens-live

 

[Muzzy]

There once was a girl called louise, whose pubes hung down to her knees, the crabs got together and knitted a sweater
so in winter her flaps wouldn't freeze

 

[Acker79]

Hang on just a Chicken Pickin moment.

According to that well known site, Backyardchickens.com

Pet chickens can live up to 15 even 20 years if they make it though all the dangers in life.

They are "snacks" to a huge range of predators.

Often carry genetics that do not confer longivity, such as the propensity to have tumors and cancer or other health problems because parents were all bred young and no selection for longer life has taken place

Can be susceptible to sickness as they age.

However, with the right care and living in fort knox, they should easily get into their teens IF they do not come down with tumors or other health issues before then.


http://www.backyardchickens.com/t/35213/how-long-do-chickens-live

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken

Chickens may live for five to ten years, depending on the breed.[12] The world's oldest chicken, a hen, died of heart failure at the age of 16 according to the Guinness Book of World Records.[13]

http://www.tuscaloosanews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060806/NEWS/608060400/1007/NEWS02

 

[Blackadder]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken

Chickens may live for five to ten years, depending on the breed.[12] The world's oldest chicken, a hen, died of heart failure at the age of 16 according to the Guinness Book of World Records.[13]

http://www.tuscaloosanews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060806/NEWS/608060400/1007/NEWS02

Are you suggesting we should ignore backyardchickens.com?

 

[Acker79]

Are you suggesting we should ignore backyardchickens.com?

I am going to, as I view Guinness as a bit more reliable, but if you want to believe them, you can. I've provided my source, and you can judge for yourself which you feel is more reliable.