Joke du jour

[Blackadder]

I am going to, as I view Guinness as a bit more reliable, but if you want to believe them, you can. I've provided my source, and you can judge for yourself which you feel is more reliable.

Well..... seeing as Guinness are reliable..... and seeing as I had never heard of byc.com before this joke thread started...... I tend to agree.

 

[daveinprague]

A man was hospitalised earlier today, with six plastic horses in his arse.

Doctors have described his condition as stable.

 

[DanielT]

Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of tippex.

Woke up this morning with a huge correction

 

[Norman Potting]

A Sunday League football team is desperate for players. So desperate in fact that one Sunday they are forced to play a chicken. Rather surprisingly the chicken has a brilliant first half. One minute it's clearing off its own line, the next threading the perfect through ball, the next putting in a perfect cross.

At half time all its team-mates are very pleased and everyone runs back onto the pitch for the second half.

On the way the ref starts chatting with the chicken.

"Great first half mate, you must be really fit".

"Thanks", replied the chicken, "I try to keep myself fit but its difficult finding the time so I try to do an hour in the gym each morning before work".

"What do you do then?" asked the ref.

"I'm a chartered accountant" replies the chicken.

At this point the ref immediately brandishes the red card and sends the chicken off. The bemused team-mates gather round the ref and start complaining.

"Sorry lads", says the ref, "I had no choice - Professional fowl".

I hope his manager didn't use any "why did the Chicken cross the road...." type jokes at half term. It may have offended the chicken.

 

[cirC]

I hope his manager didn't use any "why did the Chicken cross the road...." type jokes at half term. It may have offended the chicken.

Lol,how true.

 

[Mutts Nuts]

How did the chicken sign its registration papers? Would the FA have allowed a chicken to register?
The average life span of a chicken is 7 years old, isn't it a little unfair to have a 7 year old (or younger) playing in an adult's game? Under 18s have to have parental permission, but surely if the parent is also under 18 that creates a legal minefield of legal consent?
A talking chicken? A chicken that works out in a gym for an hour a day? You really are stretching credulity.

You realy are a dickhead

 

[Acker79]

Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of tippex.

Woke up this morning with a huge correction

Tippex doesn't make corrections, it covers mistakes and leaves a space for you to make them.

How did you not notice you hadn't take viagra? Perhaps you don't need the medication if it took you until the morning? Surely when you went to put the lid on you'd have noticed the brush? If you had swallowed tippex you should have sought medical advice. No, this story just does not add up, there's too much missing information.