[Help] How do you cope with Stress especially at work?

[Biscuit]

Stress is a weird one. You can deal with it until you can't.

I left a good job in London because after three years in a demanding role (running my own department of a large PR agency, aged 23) - was having an enormous effect on my physical and mental health. Oddly, I'd been fine for the first two years, but year three just poleaxed me. To this day I'm not sure why.

I ended up moving to Brighton and now do a similar, even higher pressured job in town. There are hard days, long days, never-going-to-manage-this days - but I do. And there are a fair few I-cant-believe-I-get-paid-to-do-this days as well! The big change was the location. I'm back in a city I love, with the people I love. And I now have an amazing wife and two beautiful daughters and they help me keep perspective on what is, and what isn't worth worrying about. That's not to say I don't worry about stuff, of course I do but I've found ways to cope. Before I'd rely on drink, partying and social activities I'm now much calmer. If I have a lot on my mind a long walk with the dog massively helps. Talking it through over a cup of tea with my mum, brothers or wife. Taking the girls on a fun day out.. all these things stop me bottling it up as that's when things go wrong I find. It's OK to be stressed, it's sort of normal tbh. But you need to find a healthy way to deal with it.

I should add that I'm also a Catastrophic Thinker. By that I mean my mind always (and I mean always) goes to the worst-case scenario. Usually that's losing my job and not being able to pay my mortgage/support my family. To deal with this I've managed to build a decent-sized savings pot, enough to live on for five/six months. I do not touch it. It is my 'worst case' fund. It means if I lost my job, we could go on living a reasonable life/pay our bills for six months why I find another job. It gives me HUGE piece of mind. I live pretty hand-to-mouth and the temptation to dip into this fund is quite strong but knowing it's there is a huge crutch during darker moments.

My advice would be talk to your boss, and try and work out your issues. Be specific and offer solutions where you see them. If work doesn't change, look for a job with a better balance. You have a very employable skill-set from the sound of things. If you are able to save a small amount, and equate that value to how long it would support you, then do it.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

There are people who thrive on 'stress' and there are those of us who don't. You mention extreme stress but what does that really mean what physical symptoms do you have. for example a common one is you wake up in the night sweating thinking about an issue. One night might be ok but start doing that more regularly i.e. 2 - 3 a week then you are in a bad place. You need to think this through but my advice is don't just let it continue because the very fact that you have raised this thread means its a problem to you.

Very many people who appear to 'strive on stress' buckle in the end. They're the ones that step up to the plate and are the very epitome of the maxim "If you want something doing, ask a busy person". Until one day they just collapse in on themselves. Seen it happen so many times in the workplace to even the strongest people. Christ knows how Theresa May gets out of bed in the morning. Irrespective of your political views, the pressures on TM must be absolutely horrendous and unrelenting.

 

[StonehamPark]

I should add that I'm also a Catastrophic Thinker. By that I mean my mind always (and I mean always) goes to the worst-case scenario. Usually that's losing my job and not being able to pay my mortgage/support my family. To deal with this I've managed to build a decent-sized savings pot, enough to live on for five/six months. I do not touch it. It is my 'worst case' fund. It means if I lost my job, we could go on living a reasonable life/pay our bills for six months why I find another job. It gives me HUGE piece of mind. I live pretty hand-to-mouth and the temptation to dip into this fund is quite strong but knowing it's there is a huge crutch during darker moments.

100% relate to this. Such an unhealthy mentality (for me at least), but I can't get around it.
At least we have a safety net under us.

 

[Chicken Run]

Yeah, tell me about it, I used to be one...

To give you an idea of our fitters nicknames we have
1: Trolley - because he goes where he wants even if you give him an order the jobs need to be done,
2: Four tacks - because that's what we joke he puts in each corner of the room.
3: Dozzy - because he once coming back from a job in Birmingham pulled over on the M25 hard shoulder for a nap, because he was tired and police woke him up.

Sounds very familiar!!!!

 

[marlowe]

Apart from the various coping strategies mentioned there is another option which might help.

Beta Blockers are often prescribed to those suffering from anxiety. Stress is a form of anxiety. I am not an advocate of medication for myself and have personally steered clear of medications such as anti-depressants.

The advantage of beta blockers used for the treatment of anxiety is that you don't have to take them all the time. You only take them when you are feeling particularly anxious like you would only take an aspirin when you have a headache.

From a purely physical perspective beta blockers have the effect of slowing down an increased heart rate which could protect your physical health as well as your mental health as it calms you down.

I'm no expert, just offering a possible coping tool which you might find helpful. Do your research for the pros and cons to see if you think they would be suitable for you. I take them occasionally. Sometimes only one a week if I'm having an "episode". The instructions on the box say up to three tablets a day, but three is probably the most I"ve taken in an entire week.

I sympathise with the anonymity thing by the way. I'm a bit like that. See link for a bit more info...

https://universityhealthnews.com/daily/stress-anxiety/beta-blockers-for-anxiety/

 

[dingodan]

That piece of work which is stressing you out, just place it in the bottom draw of your desk burried under some unrelated redundant documents you'll never need to look at again and forget it's there.

Problem solved.

If that doesn't work, nip to the loo for a quick w**k.

 

[Insel affe]

If that doesn't work, nip to the loo for a quick w**k.

Your thoughts on this piece of advise to your problem Zeetha are.......

 

[Iggle Piggle]

In our office, humour is used as a tool to deal with stress. No matter how bad the situation, everything or one is taken the piss out of. It might sound like we don't take it seriously - and to many an outsider it appears that way - but it really helps to diffuse tensions and make us realise importance in the grand scale of things. You spend a long time at work - we try and enjoy it even if it is a dry and stressful environment at times.

That, and Alcohol. Which I wouldn't necessarily recommend.

 

[pearl]

In our office, humour is used as a tool to deal with stress. No matter how bad the situation, everything or one is taken the piss out of. It might sound like we don't take it seriously - and to many an outsider it appears that way - but it really helps to diffuse tensions and make us realise importance in the grand scale of things. You spend a long time at work - we try and enjoy it even if it is a dry and stressful environment at times.

That, and Alcohol. Which I wouldn't necessarily recommend.

Good advice, nobody died and all that. I DO tend to pour myself a large wine, but my job is just frustrating. I don't recommend using alcohol to deal with stress

 

[father_and_son]

I had always considered myself someone who thrived on stress. That was until I had a bully for a boss who set unrealistic deadlines/demands, made my life hell and sent me close to a full on breakdown.

I quit, had a period of really struggling, finally joined a very small company (also 3) where I had responsibility for large chunks of the business that would have been considered by most to be extremely stressful. However, I learned that there are very different sorts of stress and people have very different tolerances to those different types. I had enough trust and respect to be able to push back on the unrealistic deadlines, etc and manage a heavy but reasonable workload.

I took the plunge a few months ago and went back to a "normal sized" company in a senior management role and back to overwhelming deadlines and demands, but I have a supportive boss above me and a good team beneath me and I am thriving again, despite the pressures.

The damage done by the "wrong type of stress" is still there and I don't know that I'll ever recover fully, but for me "coping" wasn't an option. It wasn't something anyone could have coped with. Exiting was the only option.

I hope you get some support [MENTION=19028]zeetha[/MENTION] because this sort of thing can and does break people irrepairably.

 

[Bozza]

And I now have an amazing wife and two beautiful daughters and they help me keep perspective on what is, and what isn't worth worrying about.

This, in the broader sense is it, really.

Although there are some exceptions, eg those involved in life-saving medical careers etc, for most of us work really doesn't matter. Unfortunately, most of us don't truly appreciate that until something bad happens elsewhere in our life, such as serious illness to a loved one. Then we realise that the 9-5 is largely insignificant to our happiness and wellbeing.

That's not to play down the importance of the money that work provides that enables us to put a roof over our head and food on the table, but if something goes wrong at work - so what? Really - so what? If no one has got hurt, or worse, it doesn't matter.

It's all easier said than done, obviously, but we should all try to appreciate what is important in our lives and what isn't.

 

[LamieRobertson]

I had quite a stressful day ..but found that swearing a lot helped immensely....that and getting in to a nice warm home helped

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

I run an architects practice of 18 staff. Its a stressful job at the best of times but constant cashflow issues from late payments is the biggest generator of stress for an SME. I find physical exercise is a great way to clear the mind and reset. Doesn't help the cashflow but makes me feel better for a while

Tell me about it. Up until four years ago I co-owned a specialist sub-contracting construction company. At one point we had two contracts where we were overdue £800k by over 90 days. Coincidentally one of them was on the Tyne Tunnel for Bouygues. Our operatives used to stay in a hotel in Whitley Bay. The stress caused by these delays in payment, and others, was at times, unbearable, but I had to accept it as part and parcel of being in the construction industry.

 

[maffew]

I work in IT too, here is how I deal with the s**t that comes my way.

Swear out loud, excuse myself and head into the basement where I have old broken IT kit waiting disposal, put on Limp Bizkit's song "break stuff" and smash up a few computers. Go get a coffee, wander back to my desk and get on with it.

Yes the ******* operator from hell. Blame users, for everything, makes work a while lot more bearable
https://www.theregister.co.uk/data_centre/bofh/

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I had a nightmare time 27 years ago, 3 months late with the mortgage on a crumbly damp house I'd paid too much for, wife forged a cheque and abducted my son attempting to emigrate back to Canada (I found out at the eleventh hour, and phoned the police who stopped the plane on the runway - she was livid); divorce....and a somewhat chaotic life ever since. Oddly, at work I blitzed through everything; successful research career, masses of stress, a lot of which I deliberately brought on myself. I am a long way from those clowns on telly who try mad stunts (jock arse or something), but I think I thrive on adrenaline and risk taking, much of which has paid off in spades. All of which keeps me awake at night.

Now I am older (60), I only go in if I have appointments. I hate the travel to London (annoying chavs on the train - this evening some 20 something berk and his 14 year old bird, swigging lager in first class at 4.30, no ticket inspection). I have spent my entire working life trying to not (and failing to not) pick pointless (not pointless at the time, of course) rows with people I regard as dimwits or piss takers at work. And elsewhere (ahem). Having made myself financially secure, I have recently spent an insane amount of money (all my savings) on an extension, and I'm now back to where I was 30 years ago, worrying about money. I suspect this is deliberate. If life isn't awkward I don't seem to enjoy it. And yet sleep is hard. I cut it fine today and had to cycle like a mad ******* in the rain from St Pancras to Tommys, arriving with 5 minutes to spare for a meeting. That cheered me up no end - the cold, the danger, the risk-taking around Aldwych.....bloody magic.

If I retire next year (I could) it would kill me. I'd be bored, and would start doing mad things. My right knee is knackered, but I'm planning a skiing holiday. Somehow I have to fit this in among my work commitments. It will be insane again (last time I went I was doing work in the chalet on the laptop, as you do).

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, but I think we should go into battle regularly. It makes the blood inflate the organs, and is why we are alive. My research is possibly going to generate a new drug for heart attacks. Even that is high risk, with massive fights with my institution and some hilarious shenanigans. If that one comes off I'll look back on my career with some pleasure. Don't compromise, don't let bullies and morons trash your life (my old HoD was gormless and caused me lots of bother, but she has now gone).

And enjoy the football. It is nature's way of providing balance. It is meaningless, yet important. Value what you do at work as, if you don't, no other bugger will.

I wish I knew what to say to my son, though, who quit 'career' to pursue his musical interests, and have fun, and now, at 32, he's a bit lost.....

Apologies if 'too much information' but frankly I'm happy to share. We get only one life and if it ain't working, change it, but sometimes doggedness works out in the long run. Don't be 'put upon'. Ever. But recognise when it is your fault and apologise (took me till I was over 40 to work out that one). And these days if people are treating you wrong at work there are laws to protect you. I have been itching to invoke some myself on occasions. Oh, my, how that would be fun!

 

[Weststander]

I worked for someone who had absolutely no interest in staff welfare, in fact he manipulated “weak men” out of the organisation if they shows any sign of physical or mental fraility. A mature dialogue was out of the question.

Stress - simply concentrate on one task at a time. When done, onto the next. Turned off email received popups and sounds. People immediately reading and possibly reacting to each incoming email, are working in an awful manner. Far better to carry on with one main task, and deal with emails separately in a batch.

But better still - leave to work for someone nice, or to run your own business!

 

[LVGull]

I had a nightmare time 27 years ago, 3 months late with the mortgage on a crumbly damp house I'd paid too much for, wife forged a cheque and abducted my son attempting to emigrate back to Canada (I found out at the eleventh hour, and phoned the police who stopped the plane on the runway - she was livid); divorce....and a somewhat chaotic life ever since. Oddly, at work I blitzed through everything; successful research career, masses of stress, a lot of which I deliberately brought on myself. I am a long way from those clowns on telly who try mad stunts (jock arse or something), but I think I thrive on adrenaline and risk taking, much of which has paid off in spades. All of which keeps me awake at night.

Now I am older (60), I only go in if I have appointments. I hate the travel to London (annoying chavs on the train - this evening some 20 something berk and his 14 year old bird, swigging lager in first class at 4.30, no ticket inspection). I have spent my entire working life trying to not (and failing to not) pick pointless (not pointless at the time, of course) rows with people I regard as dimwits or piss takers at work. And elsewhere (ahem). Having made myself financially secure, I have recently spent an insane amount of money (all my savings) on an extension, and I'm now back to where I was 30 years ago, worrying about money. I suspect this is deliberate. If life isn't awkward I don't seem to enjoy it. And yet sleep is hard. I cut it fine today and had to cycle like a mad ******* in the rain from St Pancras to Tommys, arriving with 5 minutes to spare for a meeting. That cheered me up no end - the cold, the danger, the risk-taking around Aldwych.....bloody magic.

If I retire next year (I could) it would kill me. I'd be bored, and would start doing mad things. My right knee is knackered, but I'm planning a skiing holiday. Somehow I have to fit this in among my work commitments. It will be insane again (last time I went I was doing work in the chalet on the laptop, as you do).

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, but I think we should go into battle regularly. It makes the blood inflate the organs, and is why we are alive. My research is possibly going to generate a new drug for heart attacks. Even that is high risk, with massive fights with my institution and some hilarious shenanigans. If that one comes off I'll look back on my career with some pleasure. Don't compromise, don't let bullies and morons trash your life (my old HoD was gormless and caused me lots of bother, but she has now gone).

And enjoy the football. It is nature's way of providing balance. It is meaningless, yet important. Value what you do at work as, if you don't, no other bugger will.

I wish I knew what to say to my son, though, who quit 'career' to pursue his musical interests, and have fun, and now, at 32, he's a bit lost.....

Apologies if 'too much information' but frankly I'm happy to share. We get only one life and if it ain't working, change it, but sometimes doggedness works out in the long run. Don't be 'put upon'. Ever. But recognise when it is your fault and apologise (took me till I was over 40 to work out that one). And these days if people are treating you wrong at work there are laws to protect you. I have been itching to invoke some myself on occasions. Oh, my, how that would be fun!

Bravo. Take a bow please.

 

[Weststander]

Very many people who appear to 'strive on stress' buckle in the end. They're the ones that step up to the plate and are the very epitome of the maxim "If you want something doing, ask a busy person". Until one day they just collapse in on themselves. Seen it happen so many times in the workplace to even the strongest people. Christ knows how Theresa May gets out of bed in the morning. Irrespective of your political views, the pressures on TM must be absolutely horrendous and unrelenting.

Great post, very inciteful. In my last employed joh, efficient/effective/intelligent people had more and more work passed their way, whilst the equally paid lazy mate of the boss fiddled around shuffling paper and daydreaming. We used to use the ”If you want to .... “ expression. Plus the smoke and mirrors brigade fooling themselves and superiors that they’re busy, busy, busy.

 

[dazzer6666]

As I get much nearer the end of my career rather than the beginning, this thread caused me to have a think about all the work situations that caused me stress at the time. The job I currently have is the ‘biggest’ and most ‘responsible’ I’ve ever had, but I barely get stressed at all these days with work-related stuff.

Why not ? Because - and thinking about those past occasions confirms this - all the pressure at work is fleeting and is almost always quickly overtaken by something else. Nothing is REALLY that important that it’s worth getting truly worked up, losing sleep or whatever over.

I do a lot of counselling within my team about stress management (and try very hard not to be a cause of stress for them). Think about what the worst possible outcome of the situation causing the stress could be......is it really that bad ? It usually isn’t........

As loads of others have said, exercise is brilliant therapy. I have been mightily stressed recently by non-work stuff, but after a run everything always feels better. Great time to clear the head.

Hope you manage to work things out OK - no-one needs a stressful existence.

 

[Mayonaise]

I had a nightmare time 27 years ago, 3 months late with the mortgage on a crumbly damp house I'd paid too much for, wife forged a cheque and abducted my son attempting to emigrate back to Canada (I found out at the eleventh hour, and phoned the police who stopped the plane on the runway - she was livid); divorce....and a somewhat chaotic life ever since. Oddly, at work I blitzed through everything; successful research career, masses of stress, a lot of which I deliberately brought on myself. I am a long way from those clowns on telly who try mad stunts (jock arse or something), but I think I thrive on adrenaline and risk taking, much of which has paid off in spades. All of which keeps me awake at night.

Now I am older (60), I only go in if I have appointments. I hate the travel to London (annoying chavs on the train - this evening some 20 something berk and his 14 year old bird, swigging lager in first class at 4.30, no ticket inspection). I have spent my entire working life trying to not (and failing to not) pick pointless (not pointless at the time, of course) rows with people I regard as dimwits or piss takers at work. And elsewhere (ahem). Having made myself financially secure, I have recently spent an insane amount of money (all my savings) on an extension, and I'm now back to where I was 30 years ago, worrying about money. I suspect this is deliberate. If life isn't awkward I don't seem to enjoy it. And yet sleep is hard. I cut it fine today and had to cycle like a mad ******* in the rain from St Pancras to Tommys, arriving with 5 minutes to spare for a meeting. That cheered me up no end - the cold, the danger, the risk-taking around Aldwych.....bloody magic.

If I retire next year (I could) it would kill me. I'd be bored, and would start doing mad things. My right knee is knackered, but I'm planning a skiing holiday. Somehow I have to fit this in among my work commitments. It will be insane again (last time I went I was doing work in the chalet on the laptop, as you do).

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, but I think we should go into battle regularly. It makes the blood inflate the organs, and is why we are alive. My research is possibly going to generate a new drug for heart attacks. Even that is high risk, with massive fights with my institution and some hilarious shenanigans. If that one comes off I'll look back on my career with some pleasure. Don't compromise, don't let bullies and morons trash your life (my old HoD was gormless and caused me lots of bother, but she has now gone).

And enjoy the football. It is nature's way of providing balance. It is meaningless, yet important. Value what you do at work as, if you don't, no other bugger will.

I wish I knew what to say to my son, though, who quit 'career' to pursue his musical interests, and have fun, and now, at 32, he's a bit lost.....

Apologies if 'too much information' but frankly I'm happy to share. We get only one life and if it ain't working, change it, but sometimes doggedness works out in the long run. Don't be 'put upon'. Ever. But recognise when it is your fault and apologise (took me till I was over 40 to work out that one). And these days if people are treating you wrong at work there are laws to protect you. I have been itching to invoke some myself on occasions. Oh, my, how that would be fun!

Not sure I could live quite like this but it was a great read and made me smile!