[Help] How do you cope with Stress especially at work?

[Bozza]

I had a nightmare time 27 years ago, 3 months late with the mortgage on a crumbly damp house I'd paid too much for, wife forged a cheque and abducted my son attempting to emigrate back to Canada (I found out at the eleventh hour, and phoned the police who stopped the plane on the runway - she was livid); divorce....and a somewhat chaotic life ever since. Oddly, at work I blitzed through everything; successful research career, masses of stress, a lot of which I deliberately brought on myself. I am a long way from those clowns on telly who try mad stunts (jock arse or something), but I think I thrive on adrenaline and risk taking, much of which has paid off in spades. All of which keeps me awake at night.

Now I am older (60), I only go in if I have appointments. I hate the travel to London (annoying chavs on the train - this evening some 20 something berk and his 14 year old bird, swigging lager in first class at 4.30, no ticket inspection). I have spent my entire working life trying to not (and failing to not) pick pointless (not pointless at the time, of course) rows with people I regard as dimwits or piss takers at work. And elsewhere (ahem). Having made myself financially secure, I have recently spent an insane amount of money (all my savings) on an extension, and I'm now back to where I was 30 years ago, worrying about money. I suspect this is deliberate. If life isn't awkward I don't seem to enjoy it. And yet sleep is hard. I cut it fine today and had to cycle like a mad ******* in the rain from St Pancras to Tommys, arriving with 5 minutes to spare for a meeting. That cheered me up no end - the cold, the danger, the risk-taking around Aldwych.....bloody magic.

If I retire next year (I could) it would kill me. I'd be bored, and would start doing mad things. My right knee is knackered, but I'm planning a skiing holiday. Somehow I have to fit this in among my work commitments. It will be insane again (last time I went I was doing work in the chalet on the laptop, as you do).

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, but I think we should go into battle regularly. It makes the blood inflate the organs, and is why we are alive. My research is possibly going to generate a new drug for heart attacks. Even that is high risk, with massive fights with my institution and some hilarious shenanigans. If that one comes off I'll look back on my career with some pleasure. Don't compromise, don't let bullies and morons trash your life (my old HoD was gormless and caused me lots of bother, but she has now gone).

And enjoy the football. It is nature's way of providing balance. It is meaningless, yet important. Value what you do at work as, if you don't, no other bugger will.

I wish I knew what to say to my son, though, who quit 'career' to pursue his musical interests, and have fun, and now, at 32, he's a bit lost.....

Apologies if 'too much information' but frankly I'm happy to share. We get only one life and if it ain't working, change it, but sometimes doggedness works out in the long run. Don't be 'put upon'. Ever. But recognise when it is your fault and apologise (took me till I was over 40 to work out that one). And these days if people are treating you wrong at work there are laws to protect you. I have been itching to invoke some myself on occasions. Oh, my, how that would be fun!

Anyway, about that drink you seem to have forgotten about...

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

I am a contracts manager for a flooring firm installing the flooring for 9 different sites at present, and just had a call blowing out the work for Thursday/Friday this week and three more houses next week, which need to re scheduled, now I am trying to pull work forward from other sites to create gaps to fit these cancelled plots back in.... Have you ever dealt with site managers !!
Currently in limbo waiting for replies, this happens nearly every bloody day, or stock does not arrive, or fitters disappear occasionally on a bender....

I wish I could deal with my stress American style with an AK47 sometimes....
I can see the appeal

I work in construction as well - and according to this blurb by the CIOB today it is the 3rd most stressful industry

http://www.constructionmanagermagazine.com/news/construction-third-most-stressful-industry/

 

[Muzzy]

Some great advice on this so take it on board the bits that resonate and start from there.
I'm a boss of 40+ staff and always welcome any of them to come and talk to me if they want/Need to. As a boss it is easy to miss when staff are struggling. Stress builds up quite slowly and smacks you quite hard but not in a very obvious way to those around you.
After all, when having so many other things going on you can feel a little isolated and worry about whether or not your boss notices or even cares about you as an individual if they are caught up in lots of other stresses of their own.
If you cannot talk to your boss then maybe you should evaluate your own position and find a boss that will listen.
Harsh as that may come across it is a reality of life and work in general.
Best wishes to you.

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[Bodian]

I think, like others have said, that we all react differently. I've been doing the same work for around 18 years now, and at times it can seem quite stressful. However, when I start getting a bit panicky about what I still have to do, I remember what my predecessor said, which was "when the work in front of you is as big as a mountain, you're never going to reach the top - so it doesn't really matter how big the mountain is". I think she was meaning 'try and put it in perspective'. I also learnt to realise that if I don't meet that deadline - what really happens? Luckily, I might just get a bit of a bollocking, but no-one dies in my work.

However, I have a colleague in a not dissimilar role, who gets far more stressed out. But a lunchtime walk with my friendly ear to listen, and a bit of a weep to get it out of their system seems to be how they cope with it.

 

[Coldeanseagull]

I feel quite unique, in the fact I don't really get stressed....especially in situations i have no control over. I do wake up occasionally at night thinking of work but I thoroughly enjoy my job so it doesn't cause me concern. Luckily, I also feel respected by my boss and by the minions underneath me. I think having a sense of humour helps and being good at my job(apparently) goes a long way towards my feeling of ease and calm. If I have an impending deadline, I know I can delegate. If not, well shit happens. It's happened before and probably will happen again in the future. Life really is too short not to enjoy every aspect of it. If you don't like the path you are walking, find another path. I have under ten years before I can retire, the transition will be easy though!

 

[LamieRobertson]

I had a nightmare time 27 years ago, 3 months late with the mortgage on a crumbly damp house I'd paid too much for, wife forged a cheque and abducted my son attempting to emigrate back to Canada (I found out at the eleventh hour, and phoned the police who stopped the plane on the runway - she was livid); divorce....and a somewhat chaotic life ever since. Oddly, at work I blitzed through everything; successful research career, masses of stress, a lot of which I deliberately brought on myself. I am a long way from those clowns on telly who try mad stunts (jock arse or something), but I think I thrive on adrenaline and risk taking, much of which has paid off in spades. All of which keeps me awake at night.

Now I am older (60), I only go in if I have appointments. I hate the travel to London (annoying chavs on the train - this evening some 20 something berk and his 14 year old bird, swigging lager in first class at 4.30, no ticket inspection). I have spent my entire working life trying to not (and failing to not) pick pointless (not pointless at the time, of course) rows with people I regard as dimwits or piss takers at work. And elsewhere (ahem). Having made myself financially secure, I have recently spent an insane amount of money (all my savings) on an extension, and I'm now back to where I was 30 years ago, worrying about money. I suspect this is deliberate. If life isn't awkward I don't seem to enjoy it. And yet sleep is hard. I cut it fine today and had to cycle like a mad ******* in the rain from St Pancras to Tommys, arriving with 5 minutes to spare for a meeting. That cheered me up no end - the cold, the danger, the risk-taking around Aldwych.....bloody magic.

If I retire next year (I could) it would kill me. I'd be bored, and would start doing mad things. My right knee is knackered, but I'm planning a skiing holiday. Somehow I have to fit this in among my work commitments. It will be insane again (last time I went I was doing work in the chalet on the laptop, as you do).

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, but I think we should go into battle regularly. It makes the blood inflate the organs, and is why we are alive. My research is possibly going to generate a new drug for heart attacks. Even that is high risk, with massive fights with my institution and some hilarious shenanigans. If that one comes off I'll look back on my career with some pleasure. Don't compromise, don't let bullies and morons trash your life (my old HoD was gormless and caused me lots of bother, but she has now gone).

And enjoy the football. It is nature's way of providing balance. It is meaningless, yet important. Value what you do at work as, if you don't, no other bugger will.

I wish I knew what to say to my son, though, who quit 'career' to pursue his musical interests, and have fun, and now, at 32, he's a bit lost.....

Apologies if 'too much information' but frankly I'm happy to share. We get only one life and if it ain't working, change it, but sometimes doggedness works out in the long run. Don't be 'put upon'. Ever. But recognise when it is your fault and apologise (took me till I was over 40 to work out that one). And these days if people are treating you wrong at work there are laws to protect you. I have been itching to invoke some myself on occasions. Oh, my, how that would be fun!

I thought your de stressing was to have a poll

 

[CheeseRolls]

I did consider creating an account so I could be anonymous, but they say its good to talk so am going to be brave... Be gentle please NSC!

I work in a small company (there are three of us) and I am pretty much solely responsible for system coding and the servers being up which inevitably leads to a few periods of extreme stress which isn't good for my physical or mental health.

Just wondered what anyone else strategies are for coping with stress (whether at work or not)? And if work related, have you ever approached your boss about it and if so what happened?

I've got a meeting with my boss this afternoon as I finally raised it with him last week. Its only taken me all year to work up the courage!!

*posts and runs away*

One of the characteristics of stress is that it can defy logic.

Objectively is this view that you are responsible for the servers, shared by your colleagues?

Are you effectively on call 24*7*365?

Is this acknowledged and understood by your colleagues?

Do you stand to make a large fortune when the company is sold?

Try and work out where you stand and agree an action plan with your boss and review this regularly with him/her.

You may just require a little more structure and support in your current role, or you may need to start urgently looking for another job. If you want to stay and work through it. Understand that this is a shared problem and don't hit out or give up if the first thing you try doesn't work.

Good luck

 

[LamieRobertson]

Saturday afternoon football...gives me an excuse not to be working

 

[AmexRuislip]

I had quite a stressful day ..but found that swearing a lot helped immensely....that and getting in to a nice warm home helped

Believe it or not, I do get stressful days, when you have the demanding customer asking for stuff that is sometimes, not always achievable.
As we are contracted to deliver a service to the customer, sometimes things don't always go right, then they go through a complaints procedure, where my bosses have to give an answer as to why the service wasn't delivered as per......

Sometimes ending up in bell cheesery territory

 

[HalfaSeatOn]

Confront things, smile and imagine having a gun in your inside pocket.

 

[Insel affe]

Tell me about it. Up until four years ago I co-owned a specialist sub-contracting construction company. At one point we had two contracts where we were overdue £800k by over 90 days. Coincidentally one of them was on the Tyne Tunnel for Bouygues. Our operatives used to stay in a hotel in Whitley Bay. The stress caused by these delays in payment, and others, was at times, unbearable, but I had to accept it as part and parcel of being in the construction industry.

The big house builders are terrible, they are getting better but one in particular is dreadful, the knock on effect of suppliers then chasing money, work force, etc just to keep the current work going is hard, to the point sometimes the boss has had to re mortgage just to keep the wolf from the door in the past. I have had an opportunity to buy into the company, from a relative who knows I could make it work offering capital for me, but I won’t, the stress of just doing what I’m doing is more than enough thanks. I like to go home, spend time with the wife and daughter, watch the Albion, and take my anger and aggression out on the dance floor at gigs... does me fine.

I knew a bloke who owned a flooring firm up north also dealing with construction mainly in schools, Preston prison, retail complexes etc, due to late payments over months it drove him to one Friday, going down the Nat West drawing his balance out, paying the staff extra, shutting the doors waving everyone off, taking a length of rope and yes.....

 

[Guinness Boy]

I'm definitely not a good person to ask in general as, just like [MENTION=30278]Wardy's twin[/MENTION] mentions I quite thrive on workplace stress. All of my roles have been fairly stressful and I'm currently a functional lead on a massive IT data migration project. Data migration projects never end well, they are just different shades of bad.

But I have coping mechanisms for down time. Don't drink TOO much or every night but let yourself have a pint with friends or a glass of wine after work if that's your thing. Running really sorts me out. Clears my head and sets me up for the day. Any excercise could be substituted I reckon so long as it's excercise you can focus on and you burn enough calories to negate some of that sitting around in the job and get an endorphine release. If it's not going to total shit in the day then take a break. I used to be jealous of smokers' breaks but now I just go and get a cup of water and sit myself in our kitchen for 5 minutes. It's great for thinking.

 

[The Clamp]

I did consider creating an account so I could be anonymous, but they say its good to talk so am going to be brave... Be gentle please NSC!

I work in a small company (there are three of us) and I am pretty much solely responsible for system coding and the servers being up which inevitably leads to a few periods of extreme stress which isn't good for my physical or mental health.

Just wondered what anyone else strategies are for coping with stress (whether at work or not)? And if work related, have you ever approached your boss about it and if so what happened?

I've got a meeting with my boss this afternoon as I finally raised it with him last week. Its only taken me all year to work up the courage!!

*posts and runs away*

If I mess up at work or don't do my work diligently people can come to serious harm or die.Even if I do my job properly this can still happen. I deal with everything from suicide attempts, violent spouses and men intent on harming others. It is literally down to me and my team to prevent or deal with these situations. There is no cavalry coming, it's down to us.
I deal with it by completely shutting off from work when I am not there. I get out into the countryside and make sure I socialise and spend time in environments completely different to the workplace. And I eat well, exercise and get good sleep. Seems to work. The key to workplace stress is to spend time away from work.
I can't give too much detail but I work in protection and safeguarding in sometimes very stressful environments and work 13 hour shifts.

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

The big house builders are terrible, they are getting better but one in particular is dreadful, the knock on effect of suppliers then chasing money, work force, etc just to keep the current work going is hard, to the point sometimes the boss has had to re mortgage just to keep the wolf from the door in the past. I have had an opportunity to buy into the company, from a relative who knows I could make it work offering capital for me, but I won’t, the stress of just doing what I’m doing is more than enough thanks. I like to go home, spend time with the wife and daughter, watch the Albion, and take my anger and aggression out on the dance floor at gigs... does me fine.

I knew a bloke who owned a flooring firm up north also dealing with construction mainly in schools, Preston prison, retail complexes etc, due to late payments over months it drove him to one Friday, going down the Nat West drawing his balance out, paying the staff extra, shutting the doors waving everyone off, taking a length of rope and yes.....

I’m a Quantity Surveyor by profession and the job, now, is all about conflict and confrontation, just to try and get paid for what you’ve done. I’m now a consultant trying to get clients paid when they’ve been shafted by main contractors. There are really some nasty b******s out there who don’t care if they put company’s under

 

[The Clamp]

I would also add, maintain a sense of humour. We use gallows humour a lot at work. On some of our extreme nights we have dealt with all sorts including pulling people in from roof tops they want to throw themselves off, administering suicide first aid, getting people away from properties, dealing with frankly some of the nastiest people you are ever going to meet, physical confrontation, talking people down, taking weapons off people. All sorts. At handover we usually find something to laugh about.

Other nights can pass uneventfully, cherish those times, it can turn on a sixpence!

Recognise that stress can affect ANYONE in ANY line of work, from tea taster to Jet Pilot and everything in-between.

If you have healthy stress at work always make sure you are getting something out of it. Be it being able to afford the trainers you want or getting enough time off to go scuba diving.

But to re-iterate: Protect and cherish your time away from work. That's the real world. Indulge your hobbies and interests be that hang-gliding or stamp collecting (I visit National Trust type places, old buildings and such, just had a lovely break in Rye).

If you like a tipple, drink less but higher quality alcohol. One nice Whiskey is better than 8 cans of cheap beer.

Talk. Laugh.

Put a little aside each month. Look after you future.

Get a pet.

Make sure you are getting paid what you're worth and always be prepared to walk away from a job that is wrecking your life.

I'm not always successful at all these things but one must try.

Oh, how could I forget? Whenever you find your work stressful, turn your back to the office, log on to NSC, and read some of the Bellcheeses at Work thread. It will put everything into perspective.

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

I’m a Quantity Surveyor by profession and the job, now, is all about conflict and confrontation, just to try and get paid for what you’ve done. I’m now a consultant trying to get clients paid when they’ve been shafted by main contractors. There are really some nasty b******s out there who don’t care if they put company’s under

Same here - and what you say is so true - and that conflict and confrontation is deliberately stirred further by people who should know better. Lots of decent, hard working subbies were driven out of business by unscrupulous contractors. Just before I left the UK I worked on a few jobs where they used the NEC Contract which did at least try and make things fairer and encourage collaboration rather than the traditional punch up

 

[Wrong-Direction]

I had quite a stressful day ..but found that swearing a lot helped immensely....that and getting in to a nice warm home helped

Swearing gets me through most jobs

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[LamieRobertson]

Swearing gets me through most jobs

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Going Saturday?

 

[Rambo]

Stress is a weird one. You can deal with it until you can't.

I left a good job in London because after three years in a demanding role (running my own department of a large PR agency, aged 23) - was having an enormous effect on my physical and mental health. Oddly, I'd been fine for the first two years, but year three just poleaxed me. To this day I'm not sure why.

I ended up moving to Brighton and now do a similar, even higher pressured job in town. There are hard days, long days, never-going-to-manage-this days - but I do. And there are a fair few I-cant-believe-I-get-paid-to-do-this days as well! The big change was the location. I'm back in a city I love, with the people I love. And I now have an amazing wife and two beautiful daughters and they help me keep perspective on what is, and what isn't worth worrying about. That's not to say I don't worry about stuff, of course I do but I've found ways to cope. Before I'd rely on drink, partying and social activities I'm now much calmer. If I have a lot on my mind a long walk with the dog massively helps. Talking it through over a cup of tea with my mum, brothers or wife. Taking the girls on a fun day out.. all these things stop me bottling it up as that's when things go wrong I find. It's OK to be stressed, it's sort of normal tbh. But you need to find a healthy way to deal with it.

I should add that I'm also a Catastrophic Thinker. By that I mean my mind always (and I mean always) goes to the worst-case scenario. Usually that's losing my job and not being able to pay my mortgage/support my family. To deal with this I've managed to build a decent-sized savings pot, enough to live on for five/six months. I do not touch it. It is my 'worst case' fund. It means if I lost my job, we could go on living a reasonable life/pay our bills for six months why I find another job. It gives me HUGE piece of mind. I live pretty hand-to-mouth and the temptation to dip into this fund is quite strong but knowing it's there is a huge crutch during darker moments.

My advice would be talk to your boss, and try and work out your issues. Be specific and offer solutions where you see them. If work doesn't change, look for a job with a better balance. You have a very employable skill-set from the sound of things. If you are able to save a small amount, and equate that value to how long it would support you, then do it.

I can really relate to this post. I am also a catastrophic thinker. I have a stressful job in a senior position in a crazy growth company that works at 1000mph.

I joined the company recently after 15yrs in a large corporate where things took forever to get done.

You can imagine the contrast! I am totally out of my comfort zone and the mountain looks huge. But being a bit older and wiser I generally don’t get too worked up about all the things that need doing. I too have an amazing family that keep me grounded and they are what is most important.

I done what you did, I saved a years money and keep it locked away in premium bonds. It earns a little bit and you never know it might win big. But what it does is give me power. The power to say ‘iam out of here’ if things get too much. Gives me a year to find another job and allows me to be much more bold in my job as don’t have to be a ‘yes man’, this in turn gives you more confidence and puts you in control not the company. They need you too, and if they value you, will give you time and space to deliver.

Doing this is the best advice I can give anyone it give you choice and just knowing that helps everyday when things get tough. You don’t and probably never will away, but knowing you ‘can’ gives you great piece of mind.

As most have said, life will not stop, keep the important things in mind at all times.

Good luck!

 

[Wrong-Direction]

Going Saturday?

Of course

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