S'hampton Seagull
Well-known member
You don't think Heskey signing for the Albion is spurious? You need help!
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Heskey
- Thread starter Biffer
- Start date
You don't think Heskey signing for the Albion is spurious? You need help!
severnside gull
Well-known member
the only footballer I know of that when you type his name into Google it comes up with the option: Emile Heskey jokes
A prisoner on Death Row in Utah has been allowed to choose his firing squad. He has chosen Heskey.
The England football team go to a theatre in Cape Town to relax. Suddenly Emile gets up and walks on to the stage.
Fabio Capello shouts, "Heskey! What are you doing up there?" Heskey replies, "Doing what you said boss. Holding up the play."
Emile gets a part-time job at a zoo and the keeper, aware of the striker's reputation for a lack of pace, tells him to take care of the tortoises.
Later the keeper pops to see how Emile is doing and finds him standing by an empty enclosure, sobbing. "Where have all the tortoises gone?" asks the keeper. Emile shrugs and says: "I just opened the door and whoooossh!!!"
It'll be nice for Emile when he weds Chantelle Tagoe. It'll make a change to hear "Mrs Heskey" instead of "Heskey misses".
Emile plans to open a pub when he retires - because he's great at putting shots over the bar.
Today in England training, Heskey's 1,000 shots all hit the net. Shame they were playing tennis.
What's the difference between the BP oil spill and Heskey? The oil spill posed a threat to the United States.
A fan was chuffed when he got Emile's autograph after a match. The next week, he accosted him again and got another signature.
After the following game he tried to get it again. Heskey said, "This is the third time you've asked for my autograph. What's going on?" "Well," said the man, "If I get eight more of yours I can swap them for one of Wayne Rooney's."
A Nigerian player arrived at Aston Villa. During training the manager kept saying: "Foot, ball, goal - foot, ball, goal," while pointing at his foot, the ball then the goal. The Nigerian said: "Don't speak so slowly, I speak perfect English." Then the manager told him, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Emile."
Robert Green faced over 100 shots in training today without conceding a goal. Tomorrow, he and Heskey will train with the rest of the squad.
A spectator got into the England dressing room after the England v Algeria game. A few unsettling minutes passed before the team realised it was just Emile.
The new Emile Heskey Subbuteo playing piece was released today and the likeness is uncanny - especially that big block of concrete around his feet.
Read more: The best jokes about Emile Heskey | The Sun |Features
A prisoner on Death Row in Utah has been allowed to choose his firing squad. He has chosen Heskey.
The England football team go to a theatre in Cape Town to relax. Suddenly Emile gets up and walks on to the stage.
Fabio Capello shouts, "Heskey! What are you doing up there?" Heskey replies, "Doing what you said boss. Holding up the play."
Emile gets a part-time job at a zoo and the keeper, aware of the striker's reputation for a lack of pace, tells him to take care of the tortoises.
Later the keeper pops to see how Emile is doing and finds him standing by an empty enclosure, sobbing. "Where have all the tortoises gone?" asks the keeper. Emile shrugs and says: "I just opened the door and whoooossh!!!"
It'll be nice for Emile when he weds Chantelle Tagoe. It'll make a change to hear "Mrs Heskey" instead of "Heskey misses".
Emile plans to open a pub when he retires - because he's great at putting shots over the bar.
Today in England training, Heskey's 1,000 shots all hit the net. Shame they were playing tennis.
What's the difference between the BP oil spill and Heskey? The oil spill posed a threat to the United States.
A fan was chuffed when he got Emile's autograph after a match. The next week, he accosted him again and got another signature.
After the following game he tried to get it again. Heskey said, "This is the third time you've asked for my autograph. What's going on?" "Well," said the man, "If I get eight more of yours I can swap them for one of Wayne Rooney's."
A Nigerian player arrived at Aston Villa. During training the manager kept saying: "Foot, ball, goal - foot, ball, goal," while pointing at his foot, the ball then the goal. The Nigerian said: "Don't speak so slowly, I speak perfect English." Then the manager told him, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Emile."
Robert Green faced over 100 shots in training today without conceding a goal. Tomorrow, he and Heskey will train with the rest of the squad.
A spectator got into the England dressing room after the England v Algeria game. A few unsettling minutes passed before the team realised it was just Emile.
The new Emile Heskey Subbuteo playing piece was released today and the likeness is uncanny - especially that big block of concrete around his feet.
Read more: The best jokes about Emile Heskey | The Sun |Features
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Well of course it is. I just don't see Poyet signing a fallen Premiership player to be honest - someone like Heskey will be expensive and demotivated. It would be a disaster in the Thomas Brolin/Edgar Davids to Palace mould.
Cheeky Monkey
Well-known member
- Jul 17, 2003
- 23,768
Forster's Armband
Well-known member
Not sure about this, even if true a striker that doesn't score goals?!
Cheeky Monkey
Well-known member
- Jul 17, 2003
- 23,768
Alex Alex Dawson oo! oo!
Primary data is fact
Mr Burns will approve then.
brightonmark1234
Well-known member
rubbish cant see him comeing to us
Tricky Dicky
New member
Not saying it should be EH, but I get a feeling he might sign one "name", but I trust in their judgement to get one that fits in.
¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤
Banned
First thought that popped into my head.
Possibly, but IMO it is more likely to be someone who had a crack at the Prem, got relegated and is eager to reassert himself as a top level striker. I don't know, but someone more like Dave Kitson, DJ Campbell, Robert Earnshaw (please, no) or a player from abroad keen to re-establish himself back here. How about getting KAZIM KAZIM back? He would be MINT in a proper team.
Tricky Dicky
New member
Possibly, but IMO it is more likely to be someone who had a crack at the Prem, got relegated and is eager to reassert himself as a top level striker. I don't know, but someone more like Dave Kitson, DJ Campbell, Robert Earnshaw (please, no) or a player from abroad keen to re-establish himself back here. How about getting KAZIM KAZIM back? He would be MINT in a proper team.
It's exciting just thinking that we could be in the market for players like these.
mona
The Glory Game
He certainly won't score 20 goals in the season!
You're a whacko, Biffer. Do one.
magoo
New member
Maybe that someone inside the club likes to wind people up by seeing how long it takes to get on NSC?
Barrel of Fun
Abort, retry, fail
Maybe his agent is angling for Pardew to make a move for him and take him to Tyneside.
Albumen
Don't wait for me!
I remember editing Pro Evo 2 to make him into something resembling a giant panda.