Having a poo at work ...

[Gritt23]

.... it's a minefield innit.

All very well when the toilet is all yours, but the issues arise when you go into Trap 2, and there is already someone in Trap 1.

I do tend wait until the other guy has finished before I let rip. It's almost like a queuing system, where I'm just sat there waiting until they've finished and gone, especially if there is huge flatulence on it's way as well.

If it's a single, solid log, then fire away, but if I've got an upset stomach and I'm about to pebbledash the Royal Doulton, then all other traps just have to be empty.


What of you fine collection of people. What are your work / college toilet habits?

 

[Perry Milkins]

Do you not have your special trap that you use?

Its Ok to let the trumpets sound as long as you can vacate the trap when everyone else has departeted.

the pong is a problem though.

 

[strings]

I quite enjoy the fact that I am getting paid whilst I take a shit.

My hourly rate at work is £11.92, so if I can eek my dump out to 15 minutes, I have earned almost three quid simply for emptying my bowels, wiping my arse and washing my hands (with soap obviously). Good work if you can get it!

[edit] I do have a special trap - it is near the far end, so I doubt it is used much and it has a working flush, which is more than can be said for most of the other loos in the building.

 

[Perry Milkins]

Trouble is most folk replying to this thread will most probably be talking out of their arses.

 

[Hiney]

When I worked for HSBC I worked in a Head Office building that was 15 floors high.

If I'd had a heavy night and was feeling a little 'loose' in the morning, I used to go to a different floor to deposit my slurry. Always good when people came in and started muttering about the smelly bastard in trap 1.

 

[Gritt23]

My hourly rate at work is £11.92, so if I can eek my dump out to 15 minutes, I have earned almost three quid simply for emptying my bowels, wiping my arse and washing my hands (with soap obviously). Good work if you can get it!

That's a great way to look at it, I'll start doing that.

So, I will be woking out how much I'm earning as I just sit there on Trap 2, doing nothing but waiting for the guy in Trap 1 to finish before I even begin the process.

Yes, I have a usual trap, but it doesn't stop the one next to it being used. I'm always a little uneasy when I have to use a different one.


If I'm already in there though, I have no trouble continuing, almost regardless of noise or smell, while Johnny Come Lately is arriving and getting settled next door. I was here first, and I'm crapping, deal with it!

 

[Muzzman]

I find it's always worth hunting out where the disabled toilet is located, a whole large room to yourself and a bar to hold on to for those times where you have to force the issue.

 

[Billy the Fish]

I just go for it. My problem is that alot of my work is in other companies offices, so I run the risk of offending them with a smelly shit. Two instances spring to mind, once at a local authority building in Hackney I'd gone for a particularly smelly crap and as I was washing my hands someone walked in and walked straight back out uttering the words "that's nasty".

Another time I was with a customer in the city and asked him to point me in the direction of the toilet which he did, but to my dismay he walked in infront of me. He was still talking to me as I went into the cubicle, but he stopped mid-sentance when he realised I was having a dump and I just heard a disappointed sounding "oh".

 

[strings]

That's a great way to look at it, I'll start doing that.

The same formula can be applied to any work-based procrastinating - posting on NSC=£1.

 

[Gritt23]

I just go for it. My problem is that alot of my work is in other companies offices, so I run the risk of offending them with a smelly shit. Two instances spring to mind, once at a local authority building in Hackney I'd gone for a particularly smelly crap and as I was washing my hands someone walked in and walked straight back out uttering the words "that's nasty".

Another time I was with a customer in the city and asked him to point me in the direction of the toilet which he did, but to my dismay he walked in infront of me. He was still talking to me as I went into the cubicle, but he stopped mid-sentance when he realised I was having a dump and I just heard a disappointed sounding "oh".

Excellent stories.

 

[gruntage]

I find it's always worth hunting out where the disabled toilet is located, a whole large room to yourself and a bar to hold on to for those times where you have to force the issue.

exactly.

best bet by far. let rip all you want. just make sure no one is out side when you leave. or you may have to 'limp' out of the loo!

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

When I was a medical rep I had to do my business in Hospitals all over the south east. Whilst calling on a private hospital in London I realised, as I swung the old Laguna into the car park, that there was trouble brewing in the pantalons, by the time I had done the penguin run around the back of the place and got to reception I was touching cloth so asked the receptionist where the nearest dunny was, which she indicated was a disabled one in a corridor where all the posh patients were sitting waiting for their botox or whatever. Anyroad managed to make it into the lav, get the kecks down and start my business loudly and with accompanying curses and grunts.

In my haste to get in there I had forgotten to turn the light on and it was a tad dark with only light from a small window but the light cord was hanging next to the loo so gave it a pull, no light.. must be the bulb I think...until ,30 seconds later, the door next to me, that I thought must be a cupboard, flies open and there is the Sister I was booked to see with another Nurse standing there gawping asking if I am OK,with me so shocked I practically fall off the loo, bum, cock and everything on display as I try to right myself righted.. & behind them is a whole ward full of curious well to do people craning their necks to have a gawp! I could see their faces crinkle as my dung smell hit them...Yes I'd pulled the emergency Nurse assist cord!

needless to say I never sold them anything after that.

 

[itszamora]

Only one toilet where I work at the moment, so no worries there. Mind you, only two people in the office today as well, and most of the day it was only me.

 

[Gritt23]

Only one toilet where I work at the moment, so no worries there.

Oh no, THAT brings a whole host of new problems, as it greatly increases the chances of being on the clock with someone waiting outside. You are literally handing over your fould-smelling trap to someone and looking them in the eye as the horror of your smell hits them.

 

[coventrygull]

Have suffered constipation at work ever since my ward manager decided to use the male staff toilets.

 

[The Large One]

Get this, of all the hierarchical nutcase decisions to make, the publisher and the chief editor have decided to plonk their offices right next door to the gents' and the ladies' bogs respectively.

So if I have a dump I make it as loud as possible (the room really echoes), and offload enough cack to leave not so much a toilet as an S-bend coming out of the floor waving a white flag.

Guaranteed vaudeville carnage for the next user.

 

[desprateseagull]

I find it's always worth hunting out where the disabled toilet is located, a whole large room to yourself and a bar to hold on to for those times where you have to force the issue.

quality. sometimes had to nip in to disabled loo at the brighton library, as main one is way out of the way at the back.. far too long to waddle, with clenched cheeks!

 

[Spider]

I find it's always worth hunting out where the disabled toilet is located, a whole large room to yourself and a bar to hold on to for those times where you have to force the issue.

I found a lovely disabled toilet in the basement of my Uni today which nobody ever uses - amazingly it even has a wooden table with a selection of magazines on, which will be nice to read and reassuring to know that there's a plan B if the loo paper runs out. Considering the Traps in my halls are pretty rank and far from private, I might as well consider this disabled one my own from now on.

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

I had a difficult experiernce of the office toilet nature once.

Dashed into my usual trap 2 and made the obligartory deposit. Then horror, of horrors, no bum-paper!! What to do? [my poo is of a consistency where not wiping will likely result in soiled underwear and my co-workers calling maintenance to have the sewer unblocked]

So I sat and waited until the all-clear so I could make a trousers-round-the-ankles dash into trap 1 next door.

I waited, and waited - its suprising how busy the office bog gets - then just as the last person had cleared the outer door, I slid my engaged sign/lock open and prepared for my dash.

Damn and blast! Another visitor!! Quick, retreat, to the seat and re-lock the door - a trap 1 vistor - god I hope he's not one of those that won't "deliver" until the nextdoor trap is vacated, could be in here for ever.

Anyway, after probably about an hour, the bog was completely quiet and empty and I made my dash - settled into trap 1 and wiped - bliss - but without a doubt, the longest bog visit I've ever made.

Moral of story - always check for paper before even undoing your trousers!

 

[B-boi]

I once clogged the toilet once at work. I have a perfect view of the toilet from my chair, so it was quite amusing to watch the poor cleaner girl go in, and not come out for about half an hour........