Has any one got any good/bad jokes?

[The Andy Naylor Fan Club]

Bill and Ben walking home from the pub,
Ben says "Flobbalobalob",
Bill says "Shut up Ben, you're pissed".

 

[Jim Van Winkle]

u
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

****ed.

 

[matey]

What's the difference between light and hard?
:
:
You can sleep with a light on.

 

[Lindfield by the Pond]

u
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or dick?

Still no f***ing idea

 

[NooBHA]

Copyright Winston Churchill...

Young man [after seeing Churchill leave the bathroom without washing his hands]: At Eton, they taught us to wash our hands after using the toilet.
Churchill: At Harrow, they taught us not to piss on our hands.

Very little in life is original. We all hear something from somewhere, whether it be our parent, our peers or from a drunk in a pub.

I didn't know that was it's origins though. Thank you for bringing it to my attention

 

[larus]

Whats blue and f*cks old ladies?

Hypothermia.

 

[daveinprague]

Old man and woman at the doctors.
Doctor says to the man, we will need to take samples of your urine, faeces and sperm.
Old man who was hard of hearing says, what?
Old woman says, the doctor says he wants your underwear.


Told to me by a Romanian girl of all people.

 

[The Clamp]

What's the difference between jam and marmalade?





You can't marmalade your dick up a bird's arse.

 

[half time scores]

Bill and Ben in bed,
Ben says "Flobbalobalob",
Bill says "If you really love me you would have swallowed that".

 

[AmexRuislip]

Would it be the teat owl

We have a winner

 

[Baker lite]

Whats blue and f*cks old ladies?

Hypothermia.

I'd have said Tories..


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Saladpack Seagull]

What's the difference between roast beef and pea green soup?



You can roast beef but you can't pee green soup

After drinking water treated with SteriTabs years ago in the TA, I've peed pink and I've peed blue depending on the tablet used. It really freaks you out!

 

[maltaseagull]

u
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a castrated deer with no eyes, legs?

 

[Saladpack Seagull]

I went to the doctor with a lettuce leaf growing out of the top of my head. He said "I'm afraid that's just the tip of the iceberg....."

 

[Lindfield by the Pond]

Still no idea.

What do you call a castrated deer with no eyes, legs?

Still no f***ing idea

 

[Lindfield by the Pond]

Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share?

 

[daveinprague]

Dinosaur without eyes - Durekonesaurus

 

[Sussexscots]

A man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead".
The operator says, "How do you know?"
He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

 

[AmexRuislip]

Me and my childish humour

 

[Biscuit]

What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

I've never paid £100 to have a lentil on my face.