Getting over a serious break up - HELP!!!!!!

[raba]

I have a lot of sympathy for the OP.

Myself & my ex split two years ago, three months before we were due to get married. We had drifted apart and called the wedding off by mutual decision. I moved out of the flat we had shared for years and moved to the othdr side of the city to avoid bumping in to each other.

After a few months of the occassional text we met for lunch and a drink & have managed to remain best friends like we were during our relationship. The only time it's been difficult is when we had to tell each other we were seeing other people.

Good luck mate, although it feels sh*tty now you will get over it, you will move on & although it doesn't feel like it at the moment you will me someone new & experience the excitement (and dread) of dating again

 

[MissGull]

You won't believe it at the time, but it does get easier.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

Has she met someone else ? Don't mean to be harsh but 9 times out of 10 they have.

What an absolutely ridiculous thing to say. I would love to know the data size you used in this scientific poll. As you have said yourself, relationships haven't been your strong point so maybe giving advice on the matter isn't something you should be doing.

 

[British Bulldog]

Hi guys

I've just broken up with my partner of nearly 5 years, and it's one of those horrible sad breakup's where neither of us have done anything wrong per se, but not a lot right has happened. With the wealth of knowledge and opinion on here - how do you get over a relationship where you've just drifted apart? And is there anything anyone could recommend to "throw a grenade" into a relationship that's died like that, to kickstart it again? We both care about each other very much still, and rather than being acrimonious and screaming at each other, all we seem to be doing is apologising to each other and being extra nice. It's a bloody horrible situation to be in to be honest - every one of our friends have said how well we seem to be doing with it, but to be honest I WANT to hate her, and be angry to make the grieving for the relationship stop.

Sorry to bore you lot with this, but I need to get it off my chest somewhere

Try and forget about why you loved her and all the things you loved about her and just concentrate all your thoughts about her to the things you didn't like about her, All the things she done that annoyed you and any arguments you had etc. It's worked for me in the past.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

What an absolutely ridiculous thing to say. I would love to know the data size you used in this scientific poll. As you have said yourself, relationships haven't been your strong point so maybe giving advice on the matter isn't something you should be doing.

and of ALL the posts made including others who agree with me , you highlight my post, well quelle f*cking suprese ! You cannot make it more obvious you think I am a c*nt of the highest order. I get it ok ? Five years of this is quite enough. Give it a rest now , eh. Quite happy to have a chat face to face at the Amex to find out exactly what your beef is, mr perfect, relationship guru.

 

[Double Hard Bastard]

cheers, that makes a lot of sense. Just seems like a bloody mountain - we've lived together for most of the relationship, and shes moved back to her folks. I've got to move out of the flat because I can't afford it on my own, and trying to find a room or a houseshare at 31 years old, with a 15 year old cat, is depressing, frustrating and more than a little bit pathetic!!!!

Hark at you pal! Youre 31 its hardly game over and you may find an actual flat share might be the best thing that's happened to you if you find the right people. And it's better to have people arôund rather then sat in a big empty flat having bouts of lonely cranking (Crying and w&@king at the same time) with the cat staring at you!

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Can your folks take in your cat? Or fiends?

That's a bit harsh on the cat. It wasn't its fault.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

and whilst I am at it, I find the posts saying anyone with any depression issues should be dumped or avoided like the plague highly offensive but did not highlight them or try and make the poster look a baddun.

 

[Cheshire Cat]

and of ALL the posts made including others who agree with me , you highlight my post, well quelle f*cking suprese ! You cannot make it more obvious you think I am a c*nt of the highest order. I get it ok ? Five years of this is quite enough. Give it a rest now , eh. Quite happy to have a chat face to face at the Amex to find out exactly what your beef is, mr perfect, relationship guru.

Is this the first of the season, or are you just having a bad day?

 

[Return of the Rev]

Hi guys

I've just broken up with my partner of nearly 5 years, and it's one of those horrible sad breakup's where neither of us have done anything wrong per se, but not a lot right has happened. With the wealth of knowledge and opinion on here - how do you get over a relationship where you've just drifted apart? And is there anything anyone could recommend to "throw a grenade" into a relationship that's died like that, to kickstart it again? We both care about each other very much still, and rather than being acrimonious and screaming at each other, all we seem to be doing is apologising to each other and being extra nice. It's a bloody horrible situation to be in to be honest - every one of our friends have said how well we seem to be doing with it, but to be honest I WANT to hate her, and be angry to make the grieving for the relationship stop.

Sorry to bore you lot with this, but I need to get it off my chest somewhere

I THINK YOU GO THROUGH STAGES THE CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY JUST BECAUSE YOU HEAR YOUR SONG ON THE RADIO,THE STARING AT A CAR DRIVING PAST BECAUSE IT MIGHT BE HERS,THE PERSONAL PIECE OF HER UNDERWEAR THAT THAT TOOK WITH YOU AND KEEP BY YOUR PILLOW,YOU WILL FIND YOU KEEP FREQUENTING HER FAVOURITE RESTAURANTS IN CASE YOU CATCH A GLIMPSE OF HER,THESE ARE ALL STAGES TO GO THROUGH.My new partner of 20 years is very understanding which helps

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

Is this the first of the season, or are you just having a bad day?

No just gone on long enough now. If anyone else had posted it he would not have highlighted it and other people did said what I said. He has been doing this for years now, highlighting things and trying to make me out to be a c*nt. I don't think I have ever highlighted anything he has ever said. Had enough and happy to meet face to face to have it out now.

 

[nwgull]

What an absolutely ridiculous thing to say. I would love to know the data size you used in this scientific poll. As you have said yourself, relationships haven't been your strong point so maybe giving advice on the matter isn't something you should be doing.

He's probably not far off actually. When men check-out of a relationship, they usually make a clean break and become single. Women will often check-out emotionally, but not physically leave until there is someone else lined up. I speak from bitter experience.

 

[Napper]

Wonderful thread containing large amounts of bitterness.

For what it's worth , keep it sweet with the ex if at all possible but cut all ties where you can.

Get your social circle up again and get on the look out . Have some fun with some birds

 

[Basil Fawlty]

Kev the Ape could give you the benefit of his wisdom on the subject.

Unfortunately Kev the Ape, has deceased and never will come back.

 

[Trufflehound]

A good lady friend of my mother-in-law fell in love recently, and got married for the second time a couple of months back. She's 91, and if I heard right, her new man is 94. So anyone on here who thinks becoming single in your 30s or 40s is game over, think again.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

and of ALL the posts made including others who agree with me , you highlight my post, well quelle f*cking suprese ! You cannot make it more obvious you think I am a c*nt of the highest order. I get it ok ? Five years of this is quite enough. Give it a rest now , eh. Quite happy to have a chat face to face at the Amex to find out exactly what your beef is, mr perfect, relationship guru.

Two posts into a thread by a guy struggling with a break-up, you roll in with the 9/10 comment, and you expect no one to pick you up on it. You also regularly try to give advice on relationship issues, despite you admitting yourself you're not particularly successful. Once again, you're playing the beaten man who is bullied. It's amazing the sheer number of people on here that you claim follow you around bullying you. Maybe a good look in the mirror would work out.

I don't think I've ever said I'm Mr. Perfect, and I've had some broken relationships like most people. I just don't post everything on NSC and wait for people to feel sorry for me.

I've seen you at the Amex a couple of times, and tend to hide as I don't want to speak to such a dullard.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

He's probably not far off actually. When men check-out of a relationship, they usually make a clean break and become single. Women will often check-out emotionally, but not physically leave until there is someone else lined up. I speak from bitter experience.

9/10 is ludicrous, and I've had it happen to me. Maybe 1/10, but no way near 9/10

 

[Icy Gull]

I've seen you at the Amex a couple of times, and tend to hide as I don't want to speak to such a dullard.

Totally unnecessary and pretty unpleasant post there, you do have a tendency to criticise with no thoughts for people's feelings. Not a great attribute.

As to the OP, when this happened to me many years ago after a 5 year relationship that wasn't working broke up I was the more depressed of the two of us when it ended. A girl, I shared a house with just afterwards, suggested to me that I should write down my feelings along with pro and cons of the break up as I saw them, put it away for 6 months and then have a look. It was surprising how my thoughts had changed in those 6 months, especially after having met someone else in the meantime. It might seem like the worst thing imaginable at the time but 6 months down the line you'll probably be fine and may even feel the split was the right thing. Don't dwell on the good times whilst ignoring the bad things either, it's any easy thing to do

 

[deletebeepbeepbeep]

The best option is always to sever.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

Two posts into a thread by a guy struggling with a break-up, you roll in with the 9/10 comment, and you expect no one to pick you up on it. You also regularly try to give advice on relationship issues, despite you admitting yourself you're not particularly successful. Once again, you're playing the beaten man who is bullied. It's amazing the sheer number of people on here that you claim follow you around bullying you. Maybe a good look in the mirror would work out.

I don't think I've ever said I'm Mr. Perfect, and I've had some broken relationships like most people. I just don't post everything on NSC and wait for people to feel sorry for me.

I've seen you at the Amex a couple of times, and tend to hide as I don't want to speak to such a dullard.

A dullard ? Ok then. Just stop highlighting my comments and we will never need to speak, keep doing it and I will react to it but I guess thats what you want and you call me a dullard ? You seem to think you are a superior person in all ways well you are just a bloke, like me, nothing special so I repeat if you stop trying to wind me up all the time I will not respond and if I see you at the amex would share a pint to clear the air but I guess that is not what you want is it ? Time to leave the thread. Back on topic please people.