Getting over a serious break up - HELP!!!!!!

[Stevie Boy]

If she has Bi-Polar, walk away, i am talking from personally experience,

 

[Triggaaar]

Generally speaking, if a relationship has failed it has failed for a reason, it seems as though you have drifted apart, and that has happened for a reason, in my limited experience of relationships they either work, or they don't.

Don't want to hate her just because you feel you should, if you don't then you shouldn't. It can get ugly and nasty especially if you have mutual friends that can get stuck in the middle.

My advice would be to just accept that that the relationship has run it's natural course and take solace in that, trying to spice things up or give it another go after a break doesn't generally work, it will fail again as after the initial excitement again people revert to their old ways again.

Try not to rebound with another woman as that never works either, the first emotions of loneliness will fade and you will move on, the timescale always varies depending on the individual but it will happen. Don't try to cling on to something that you don't really want because the fear of loneliness is worse than actually being single.

Sounds about right.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

OK. Being old I have been there etc. Best thing is let go. Be nice to her if you still have to deal with her. Tell yourself you need to spend some time single. Bobs your uncle, some lovely bird will float past your penumbra and you'll be back in the saddle no time, all forgotten. Having just decided to stay single forever (happily), I have just . . . anyway, enough about me. You'll be fine. Just be kind and let go. And DON'T GO BACK THERE.

 

[Stoo82]

'Better to be with nobody than just anybody'

After a nasty break-up myself, I can agree with this.

 

[Puppet Master]

Pics?

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Other people have commented since I started writing, bi polar is a very difficult thing to deal with, I know a woman who has been diagnosed with it and its very difficult to work with, it sounds as if she is pushing you away, not nice at all but if she isn't into you as much as you are into her then I'm afraid there is not a lot you can do apart from walk away and not feel any malice towards her.

Bi polar gets seriously misdiagonosed in young women (under thirty). Doc says yes, but they ain't. Constellation of OCD, anorexia, drink problems, bad man choices . . . blows it self out if its endogenous, but if its 'family' issues it will need careful handling. To OP, she's not something you can fix, and unless you want five years of being on your own, hoping, move on. Harsh, but the world and you do not need another martyr. You are not on her mind right now.

 

[Worthingite]

A googleload of brilliant comments here, thanks for the help

 

[Ninja Elephant]

Gutted to read this, Worthingite.

I am never going to give out relationship advice, the blind should never lead the blind. You have to do what feels right. Opinions are lovely and add context, but only you can make your decisions.

If she has Bi-Polar, walk away, i am talking from personally experience,

Not sure if that is the right message.

 

[Stevie Boy]

Gutted to read this, Worthingite.

I am never going to give out relationship advice, the blind should never lead the blind. You have to do what feels right. Opinions are lovely and add context, but only you can make your decisions.



Not sure if that is the right message.

my ex wife has bi-polar, you wouldnt believe how much hard work it is, also one of the syptoms is buying things, she left me with over £15k worth of debt

 

[Ninja Elephant]

my ex wife has bi-polar, you wouldnt believe how much hard work it is, also one of the syptoms is buying things, she left me with over £15k worth of debt

Actually, you might be suprised by my understanding of the condition. So I know how hard it is. All the best clearing the debt, I know a few things about that too!

 

[TSB]

Pics?

by the sounds of it

 

[jameswestport]

The best bit of advice I ever got was, 'Better to be with nobody than just anybody'

i like that

 

[WhingForPresident]

Grow a pair of bollocks would be my recommendation.

No but seriously, women are the devils work, dread to think what they're like when they're certified as being nuts. I say ditch the schizo and flap out your chorizo.

 

[Jim Van Winkle]

Put on your finest Kappa tracksuit, shine up your best Elizabeth Duke jewelry and use a gawd-ly amount of Old Spice. Get back in the game player and show the ladies of Sussex what they have been missing.

 

[HovaGirl]

You change a lot between the ages of 20-25 and a little between 25-30. It sounds like you just grew in different directions as she matured. She doesn't necessarily have her eyes on anyone else (though she may) but it sounds like the bi-polar may have something to do with all this. People with bi-polar deliberately test their family and friends to the limit and it can be heartbreakingly difficult to live with. There's a big hole, now, where your future used to be but you will learn to live with it, and there will come a time when you are able to move on. Take a break, and don't rush into the arms of another woman for a while, because that could be "just anybody" to fill the current gap in your life which would be bound to fail and which would jolt your confidence. Concentrate on YOU for a bit with man stuff: footie; X-box; pubs, etc. Can your folks take in your cat? Or fiends?

 

[dragonred]

Bi-polar, whether diagnosed or just thought possible = run an absolute mile (in fact a million miles and don't ever stop to look back). Love of my life at that time had it and believe me, if you don't let go and walk away you'll be dragged down as bi-polar people (even if it is not their fault) will drain every last ounce of your energy, your spirit and good humour and lastly you sanity from you and use that to boost themselves. As for the expression 'time to find myself', that in plain English is always 'I want to explore new options (and opportunities) and can't do that whilst with you as you are blocking that'.... despite what I've said I am an eternal optimist rather than cynic but life teaches you things after many good and less good experiences so to speak and this is just what I've seen and experienced! The advice to take your time and don't rush in is spot on - after a while it is all much of muchness out there but i wouldn't be surprised if the moment you find someone new and interesting, then your X 'reappears' wanting to 'try again' - funny that, it's never when you are looking at new opportunities and having lots of enjoyable fun, its always only when you find one that an X reappears to mess it up! Good luck!

 

[nwgull]

Had more thoughts that may help you while I was driving in today. My experience comes from being with my ex-wife, who, I'm fairly sure, could be judged as having borderline personality disorder (not too dissimilar to bi-polar). She also thought that the whole world should revolve around her and went mental if she wasn't the centre of my attention for any period of time. The first 6-12 months were great, the next 7 years was awful, but it wasn't until we split up and I started dating other birds that I realised that that wasn't normal behaviour, and that being unhappy 80% of the time isn't how relationships are supposed to be. I'd wasted 7 years of my life being unhappy. She had dragged me down and it was no coincidence that my life really took off when we separated: I got a serious pay-rise at work; I got in the physical shape of my life; I got a load of new friends and a brilliant social life; and John Prescott gave the green light for falmer! All of this happened within a year of the separation.

What I'm basically trying to say is that people with conditions like this will drag you down, and it's not your responsibility to help them. Being single can be brilliant, particularly the sense of independence and the fact that you can do anything you want to do. The variety of women you'll meet and shag is also a nice little bonus - 2.5 years in total of being single(ish) is a life experience that I wouldn't have missed for the world prior to meeting the current missis.

 

[spring hall convert]

I reckon if two people stay apart for a month or so the answer comes quicker than if you keep meeting up and picking at it.

This, absolutely this.

 

[empire]

sad you have to come on here to get advice imo,and worst place too

 

[maltaseagull]

No, entirely mutual. She was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder last month, and she keeps telling me that she wants to "find out who she is" She's 25, I'm 31. I've found the bi-polar hard (although I've wanted to support her every step of the way - still do - it's not like we've split because I'm running away from it), and in fairness, we've just drifted over the past 6 months or so to the point that we barely spoke to each other unless it was to ask for something or to have an argument. What's galling me is that I love the bones of her, and wish that I'd taken more notice of the signs which are now so bloody apparent over the past few months.

Which one do you prefer? (Sorry! had to be done)