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Getting over a serious break up - HELP!!!!!!



Worthingite

Worthingite

Sexy Pete... :D
Sep 16, 2011
4,966
Chesterfield
The Merry Prankster said:
My wife is Bi Polar and when she is suffering with it (twice for prolonged periods in our marriage) it is hard work. I have to do a lot for her, for me, for our marriage and it can be a struggle. When shes well it's great. PM me if you want.
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Thank you, I will do once I'm a bit less frazzled :) Even if me and my now ex (that felt strange to write!!) stay friends, the advice will be invaluable :)
 






hybrid_x

hybrid_x

Banned
Jun 28, 2011
2,225
maybe agree to have 2/3 weeks with no contact then to meet up somewhere nuetral .....will clear the air, allow time, let feelings settle, then you can both talk with clarity. note: make sure this meeting would not be during a 'pmt 3 day mean.'
 


melias shoes

melias shoes

Well-known member
Oct 14, 2010
4,830
Worthingite said:
cheers, that makes a lot of sense. Just seems like a bloody mountain - we've lived together for most of the relationship, and shes moved back to her folks. I've got to move out of the flat because I can't afford it on my own, and trying to find a room or a houseshare at 31 years old, with a 15 year old cat, is depressing, frustrating and more than a little bit pathetic!!!!
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Couldn't you get someone to share the flat with you?
 


nwgull

nwgull

Well-known member
Jul 25, 2003
14,533
Manchester
Worthingite said:
No, entirely mutual. She was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder last month, and she keeps telling me that she wants to "find out who she is" She's 25, I'm 31. I've found the bi-polar hard (although I've wanted to support her every step of the way - still do - it's not like we've split because I'm running away from it), and in fairness, we've just drifted over the past 6 months or so to the point that we barely spoke to each other unless it was to ask for something or to have an argument. What's galling me is that I love the bones of her, and wish that I'd taken more notice of the signs which are now so bloody apparent over the past few months.
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"Find out who she is"? I'm sorry to break this to you, but this is bollocks. It's one of the things people say when they break up with their partners. Other classics are 'I love you but am not IN love with you' or 'I'm just not ready/at the right stage in my life for a relationship'. It's just easier to say that sort of thing than the honest reason, which is that they're just bored of you and the relationship has run its course.

I wouldn't put effort into getting her back. Keep her number written down but delete it from your phone. If she wants you back she knows where to find you. Chasing her and fighting for her will just make you look needy. If she doesn't hear from you she'll start to wonder if you're getting interest from other girls (and you probably will when word gets round that you're back on the market) and it'll make you seem all the more attractive.
 






BadFish

BadFish

Huge Member
Oct 19, 2003
18,226
Sounds like you have to work out if the relationship failed because it is done or because somebody wasn't putting enough into it.

If it is done then it is done.

If she wasn't putting enough into it, there is much you can do

Move on

If you weren't putting enough in, work out what it is and fight for her.

Remember though......things will be okay.
 






BadFish

BadFish

Huge Member
Oct 19, 2003
18,226
nwgull said:
"Find out who she is"? I'm sorry to break this to you, but this is bollocks. It's one of the things people say when they break up with their partners. Other classics are 'I love you but am not IN love with you' or 'I'm just not ready/at the right stage in my life for a relationship'. It's just easier to say that sort of thing than the honest reason, which is that they're just bored of you and the relationship has run its course.

I wouldn't put effort into getting her back. Keep her number written down but delete it from your phone. If she wants you back she knows where to find you. Chasing her and fighting for her will just make you look needy. If she doesn't hear from you she'll start to wonder if you're getting interest from other girls (and you probably will when word gets round that you're back on the market) and it'll make you seem all the more attractive.
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Yesterday my friend told me she had told someone this during a breakup. I laughed....she told me it was true. I then spent 15 minutes trying to pin down exactly what it means.........................I can confirm it means nothing and is utter bullshit.
 




Worthingite

Worthingite

Sexy Pete... :D
Sep 16, 2011
4,966
Chesterfield
BadFish said:
Yesterday my friend told me she had told someone this during a breakup. I laughed....she told me it was true. I then spent 15 minutes trying to pin down exactly what it means.........................I can confirm it means nothing and is utter bullshit.
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In fairness and to give balance to the situation, I think I may have trotted that little gem out earlier myself.
 




nwgull

nwgull

Well-known member
Jul 25, 2003
14,533
Manchester
Worthingite said:
You've never met me have you?!?!? :D
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I've not, but seeing as some bird stuck with you for 5 years, it means there'll be others out there that'll fancy a piece (unless you've really let yourself go in that time). The fact that you've been in a long term relationship also makes birds see you as boyfriend material; it's known as preselection.
 


wunt be druv

wunt be druv

Drat! and double drat!
Jun 17, 2011
2,244
In my own strange world
It is an awful thing to go through,and sounds very similar to a situation I was once in with a former girlfriend. I went for the clean break option and although it hurt like hell for a while,we were both able to get on with our lives,we knew the relationship had died and it was no good pretending it could be revived,we still loved each other,but all the time we saw each other it just prolonged the agony.I got lucky and a year or so later met the true love of my life who is now Mrs.Wunt be druv and have two beautiful children.I hope what ever you decide is the right decision and you end up as happy as I have.Good luck and always stay positive.
 






D

Deleted member 18477

Guest
Don't contact her, get fit, go out, do things you enjoy and if she doesn't want you after a month or so move on pal! Life is too short!

But don't go shagging birds in that month as you might regret it.
 












piersa

piersa

Well-known member
Apr 17, 2011
3,155
London
no kids = you have had a result.
 


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