Do you WIPE standing up or sitting down?

[JC Footy Genius]

This thread should be closed and sealed off for health and safety reasons

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

I was staying away from home a few days ago, popped in to drop the kids off at the pool, stood up to remove some winnits, arsespiders and general detritus, and the khazi automatically FLUSHED before I'd lobbed the Andrex into the chod bin.

This was apparently due to a sensor being attached to the toilet that is pressure sensitive, so that when you stop sitting on the bog it assumes it is time to send the brown trouts back to the sea. This meant that a second, manual, flush was required, which seems a waste of water.

I discussed this with the house owner, who expressed surprise, as she always wipes whilst sitting, and so it was not an issue for her.

This begs the question, what method do the good denizens of NSC use when bottom wiping?

this bit is brilliant,i shall now,having already contributed to the tail end of this thread,read the whole ting start to finish..

 

[Papak]

Sitting with a tilt to the right. If you stand then that'll lead to a more clenched buttock area that would prevent comprehensive cleaning.

[Grunch} Are you left handed?

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

excellent....good shit

 

[Reinelt12]

I thought until about 15 years ago that everyone wiped standing up... I did, and still do, but on that night I was in a dodgy Brighton nightclub (Orianas I think) and the alcohol had done nasty things to my stomach. So into the toilets I go and brave the disgusting bowl (while first wiping the seat and ignoring the fact my shoes were drenched in piss) - biggest problem being that the door won't lock.

Ok - so I "hop on" (I wasn't 18 stone then) and do what I have to do while my outstretched leg holds the door closed - this takes some time given the issues in my stomach, and then I stand to wipe while somehow using my elbow to hold closed the door...

About 2 seconds into my wipe the door crashes in - I'm left floundering with my pants round my ankles and an arse which hasn't been fully cleansed - and 2 bouncers drag me out of the cubicle threatening me with all sorts.

It appears that standing to wipe my arse while they peered under the door to see my soaking feet stood sideways alerted these dumb @&£)s into thinking I was on the marching powder or some other drug taking activity.

Now - I can categorically say that I have never taken any drug, so this put me into a state of complete and utter bewilderment - especially when I was then dragged out of the toilets into the bar area with my pants STILL round my ankles (thanks guys, no chance of me EVER pulling in there again) - and then into an office to search me.

So the moral of the story is that I still wipe standing up because frankly it's a damn sight easier and I'm too old for nightclubs...

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

I have to pick up my faithful old Labradors poo, so I get him to return the favour to see how he likes it, Labradors will lick anything.

 

[Wilko]

Always stand so as an experiment I tried sitting this morning. Firstly, it is awkward as you have far more obstacles than when standing. Secondly, no way can you get to every crevice, you are just digging around in the dark and hoping for the best. I urge all you sitters to try the alternative, so much more freedom and access

As a side discussion, have you ever tried sitting on the pan the wrong way around just for lols. Apparently this is known as an AC Slater following his love for sitting backwards on a chair in Saved by the bell. Own up, who has tried an AC Slater?

 

[Eeyore]

My concern is the speed at which residue dries. A wipe, not quickly conducted, can result in less substance being picked up by the hallowed sheets. For this reason I have always assumed that the cheeks should be in a half cocked position to gain maximum effect. This is best conducted through a semi seated posture with left or right cheek slightly raised. I am therefore neither stood nor fully seated.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

I am in my 40th year, and honestly had no idea wiping while sitting down was a thing. I might have a go later

 

[HHGull]

I stand.

I one had this chat with a group of friends, it was fairly split down the middle and come to the conclusion it depended on how we were taught as children.

So there must be whole families of sitters, and whole families of standers?

 

[HHGull]

This is my favourite question of all time. The confusion from people when they hear someone else doesn't sit/stand is always there. I was the same when I first found out.

I remember being genuinely shocked to find others didn't sit. I thought they were having me on to start with!

 

[Brownstuff]

Stand and proud, only thought posh birds sat down
I now realize why so many toilet seats at work get battered and mis-shapen as all these people are shuffling round on the toilet seat vigorously wiping their underneaths

 

[gregbrighton]

Stand and proud, only thought posh birds sat down
I now realize why so many toilet seats at work get battered and mis-shapen as all these people are shuffling round on the toilet seat vigorously wiping their underneaths

 

[Titanic]

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

Seems both are flawed: sitting hinders good access and swiping movement and standing closes the buttocks thus reducing full access to debris / clinker.

Shirley the midway position is best - lets call it the "downhill skier position" - here the cheeks are separated from the seat enabling full and unrestricted access for either a back to front or front to back technique, but the semi-squat also ensures good cheek separation for thorough access to the clinker zone.

First sweep should be "scrunch" method and then all subsequent passes to be "folded". For the folded phase I have adopted an economy technique where circa 8-9 sheets are pulled off the roll and the first 3-4 folded against each other. This provides a triple / quadruple thickness for the first folded pass and assures there is no "finger poke through" risk. Further wipes proceed with a single extra fold each time which saves on paper and averts the risk of accidental finger poke. The final pass can be delivered at maximum pressure by double folding which is something close to 16-18 sheet thick - job done.

This method is TRIED and TESTED and perfected over the last 55 years - unfortunately NO training or demonstration video is available.

 

[looney]

Yes, I started reading the EU threads........

Same thing, in or out or backwards or forwards?

 

[sydney]

Stand and proud, only thought posh birds sat down
I now realize why so many toilet seats at work get battered and mis-shapen as all these people are shuffling round on the toilet seat vigorously wiping their underneaths

wow ...all these years i've had you down as a bloke...!! can i take you out for a drink some time.....

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

So there must be whole families of sitters, and whole families of standers?

It's time for them to stand up and be counted. Or sit down and be counted.

 

[Brownstuff]

wow ...all these years i've had you down as a bloke...!! can i take you out for a drink some time.....

Last time I checked funnily enough was whilst standing up cleaning me downstairs and definitely a geezer

 

[Mr Smggles]

Christ. I didn't even know standing was a thing.