Do you WIPE standing up or sitting down?

[sydney]

jesus....no way i would stand up without at least 3 extensive attacks at the old chutney chute with a fist full of andrex......if i stood up to wipe it would result in a scene reminiscent of three large mole rats squabbling over a jar of nutella....kudos to you though guv for broaching this oh so private , sensitive and some may say taboo subject , particularly with a female of the species....

 

[Swillis]

Good luck when it come ts to cleaning out your drains/sewers. Hopefully it won't cost you too much

I'm willing to risk it for a clean posterior.

 

[symyjym]

Exactly - how the heck do you get an arm through the back or front ?

You don't. You lean to the side and raise one butt cheek.

I didn't think an IQ was vital for the process.

 

[symyjym]

Always stand to wipe the cheeks, this closes the anal sphincter, sucking back up any excess excrement hence less toilet paper needs using.

On other matters:

1. Always load the toilet roll on the holder so that the 'hanging strip' runs down against the wall rather than going over the top, this creates drag and thus less toilet paper is torn off each time.
2. Aitch not Haitch when pronouncing 'H'
3. Don't bother using the phrase 'to be honest' (it is utterly unnecessary)

Why do you need to wipe your cheeks. Have you a splatter issue?

And surely closing the anal sphincter after you wiped is more efficient than relying on suction.

 

[sydney]

Half way up in a semi squat type position (half arsed?), if you must know. I would have also been caught out by this renegade flush. My missus wipes sat down, she says there's less chance of a squish/smear if this technique is used.

id hate to be a lady , i mean i could handle giving birth i think , but having to wipe the cladge of yer ring without smearing it all over yer clout must be so tedious ......i mean once it's in there surely you have to wash it out with a hose or summat...??

 

[GingerBeerMan]

Bored?

Ummm - no one stands, shirley? How can you possibly ensure that all solid material has in fact been excavated? Access is all important - that can only be achieved by spreading, which is, in turn, best accomplished by sitting.

This is my favourite question of all time. The confusion from people when they hear someone else doesn't sit/stand is always there. I was the same when I first found out.

 

[daveinprague]

Sure this is an NSC 'fixtures'.... albeit about 8 or 9 years ago

 

[Honky Tonx]

Shit stirring again El Pres?

 

[Prince Monolulu]

Sod that paper malarkey, can't beat the reassuring whoosh of a bidet.

 

[dingodan]

Wiping is for assholes.

 

[BHAFC_SWC]

 

[GOM]

You don't. You lean to the side and raise one butt cheek.

I didn't think an IQ was vital for the process.

An IQ is useful for most things, however only a low one is necessary for the ability to be needlessly and pointlessly insulting.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Frankly [MENTION=31]El Presidente[/MENTION] there can rarely have been a more clear-cut case for a mod to refer himself to his fellow mods for relegation to the (sorry) BOWELS of 'The Other Stuff'.

 

[Munkfish]

I stand.

I one had this chat with a group of friends, it was fairly split down the middle and come to the conclusion it depended on how we were taught as children. However we did have a couple of oddities:

1. One of the lads stood up, but took his trouser leg off put his leg up on the seat and wiped accordingly. which I can imagine takes a lot of time to undo and do up your trousers etc again, plus in public pissy toilets this is going to open up to a lot of dirty jeans etc.

2. And this was the more disturbing, one of our friends wipes his arse from back to the front, thus causing what we can only assume as really shit balls, we coined the phrase going Russian. He had always thought this is how you wiped you arse.

I have since tried wiping Russian after I thought my bumhole was clean, however there was a secret deposit of plop which I hadn't reached. So now I always makes sure I go Russian on one final wipe just to check.

anyway there you go.

 

[El Presidente]

Frankly [MENTION=31]El Presidente[/MENTION] there can rarely have been a more clear-cut case for a mod to refer himself to his fellow mods for relegation to the (sorry) BOWELS of 'The Other Stuff'.

I disagree THPP, frankly I'm fed up of the EU dictating to me how I should wipe my bottom, and the people need to stand up (or sit down) and be counted.

 

[symyjym]

An IQ is useful for most things, however only a low one is necessary for the ability to be needlessly and pointlessly insulting.

A bit sensitive aren't we today, but apart from not being able to take a joke on a bottom wiping thread, it was hardly a complex puzzle.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

I disagree THPP, frankly I'm fed up of the EU dictating to me how I should wipe my bottom, and the people need to stand up (or sit down) and be counted.

Fair enough. In which case I suggest you submit an Early Day Motion for debate in the House of Commons.

 

[dingodan]

Wow, look at those poll results!

Remind me never to touch any of your arses!

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

Stand with bum against toilet roll holder. Pull end of tollet roll between legs and keep pulling until toilet roll becomes clean. Simples.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Wow, look at those poll results!

Remind me never to touch any of your arses!

Wow, somewhat alarming that you need reminding not to touch any of our arses