Do you WIPE standing up or sitting down?

[El Presidente]

I was staying away from home a few days ago, popped in to drop the kids off at the pool, stood up to remove some winnits, arsespiders and general detritus, and the khazi automatically FLUSHED before I'd lobbed the Andrex into the chod bin.

This was apparently due to a sensor being attached to the toilet that is pressure sensitive, so that when you stop sitting on the bog it assumes it is time to send the brown trouts back to the sea. This meant that a second, manual, flush was required, which seems a waste of water.

I discussed this with the house owner, who expressed surprise, as she always wipes whilst sitting, and so it was not an issue for her.

This begs the question, what method do the good denizens of NSC use when bottom wiping?

 

[WATFORD zero]

This begs the question, do you always discuss your toilet habits with your hosts ? and if you do, do you wait until the reception of the travel lodge is empty ?

 

[happypig]

"sidesaddle"

 

[Notters]

Is that even a thing?!

 

[Goldstone1976]

Bored?

Ummm - no one stands, shirley? How can you possibly ensure that all solid material has in fact been excavated? Access is all important - that can only be achieved by spreading, which is, in turn, best accomplished by sitting.

 

[beorhthelm]

the question is how does one wipe sitting down.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Surely if someone is that posh, say royalty, they have people who do it for them?

 

[El Presidente]

Bored?

Yes, I started reading the EU threads........

 

[CHAPPERS]

Half way up in a semi squat type position (half arsed?), if you must know. I would have also been caught out by this renegade flush. My missus wipes sat down, she says there's less chance of a squish/smear if this technique is used.

 

[skipper734]

There are lots of variables here. The amount of fur you are dealing with, quality of wiping material, whether you are male or female.and front to back or back to front ,which is a no no for the female of our species. Then there is folding or scrunching, the list goes on and on. I'm bored now.

 

[gregbrighton]

To make sure I wipe myself thoroughly clean, I stand up, lift my leg so my foot is resting on the top of the bath ledge. it means I can really get inside my butt crevice and so that area is lovely and clean.

 

[GOM]

the question is how does one wipe sitting down.

Exactly - how the heck do you get an arm through the back or front ?

 

[wellquickwoody]

Is that front or back bottom?

 

[Swillis]

The real question should be, baby wipes or toilet tissue. Baby wipes, every time.

 

[greyseagull]

Over the moon that I opened this thread just as started tucking into my lunch

 

[Normal Rob]

The real question should be, baby wipes or toilet tissue. Baby wipes, every time.

Good luck when it come ts to cleaning out your drains/sewers. Hopefully it won't cost you too much

I'm sure that we have done this beforehand, it might even have been me who raised the issue. It was a overwhelming victory for the sit down brigade (obviously, as wiping whilst standing is just silly)

 

[Bold Seagull]

Unicorn icecream!?

Squatting of course...

 

[Justice]

Shit thread.

 

[JJ McClure]

Sitting with a tilt to the right. If you stand then that'll lead to a more clenched buttock area that would prevent comprehensive cleaning.

 

[Bombadier Botty]

Always stand to wipe the cheeks, this closes the anal sphincter, sucking back up any excess excrement hence less toilet paper needs using.

On other matters:

1. Always load the toilet roll on the holder so that the 'hanging strip' runs down against the wall rather than going over the top, this creates drag and thus less toilet paper is torn off each time.
2. Aitch not Haitch when pronouncing 'H'
3. Don't bother using the phrase 'to be honest' (it is utterly unnecessary)