[Finance] Divorce

[Alba Badger]

Afternoon all. I may have just come to a settlement on the split of assets with the soon to be Ex Mrs Alba badger. The whole process has been chuffing horrible and taken ages. Thankfully looks like we've kept it out of court but only just.

I feel a bit miffed at the 75/25% split we've agreed. It could have been way worse as her opening gambit was 85/15% and I feel I had to fight for that additional 10%. This will mean the sale of the house but I will only have to pay her child maintenance and no spousal maintenance. so, clean break. It still means we should both be able to afford a house each but with me paying a way higher mortgage and monthly payment. I may just rent and try and save a few more quid as I have a good deal for next few years.

I did offer that they all stay in the family home until both boys are 18 (9 more years) and that I would pay the mortgage, almost double the child maintenance payments (Home kids have grown up in and is a large place) I even offered to help her with the costs of any repairs etc. Then when there old enough we split 50/50. She wasn't having that. I wanted to do this so the kids could stay in the only home they've ever known as I know they will be upset to leave and that she'll only be able to afford something much smaller and in a potentially poorer area.

My question for all you Divorcees is this. What feels like a fair split of assets? What Split did you get? Should I be happy enough or have I been mugged off? Thanks in advance.

 

[Stephen Seagull]

Sorry to read this Alba, it sounds like a rough split. I have no experience other than my Parents going through one now after 34-odd years of Marriage.

All of us kids are older and out of the house so for them, it was easy to sell and get their own places and they agreed to 50/50 with my Dad paying the commission fees for the sale and all other costs.

75/25 sounds like she has no opportunity to get a job in the future - if that's not the case I see it as very uneven, but I'm not a divorce lawyer or expert to say the lease.

Keep your chin up

 

[Weststander]

One of my brothers got 100/0 in his clean break divorce. At age 32 I think, he had to start all over again with zero assets.

Out of interest, what happened to both of your accrued pension funds, were they spilt too or did you both retain them?

 

[Gwylan]

Children complicate matters. When I split from the ex Mrs Gwylan, I feared the worst as she was a lawyer. However, we had no kids, which was fortunate and, as I'd contributed more to the mortgage, my brief negotiated a 60/40 split in my favour. It probably wasn't a fair reflection of my contribution but it did mean not going to court and that was important thing. It could have been a lot more horrible and I'm so glad we didn't have kids.

 

[Alba Badger]

One of my brothers got 100/0 in his clean break divorce. At age 32 I think, he had to start all over again with zero assets.

Out of interest, what happened to both of your accrued pension funds, were they spilt too or did you both retain them?

Her's is a teachers pension and worth loads more than mine so I used that as some leverage to get a tiny bit more of the sale of the house.

 

[Alba Badger]

Sorry to read this Alba, it sounds like a rough split. I have no experience other than my Parents going through one now after 34-odd years of Marriage.

All of us kids are older and out of the house so for them, it was easy to sell and get their own places and they agreed to 50/50 with my Dad paying the commission fees for the sale and all other costs.

75/25 sounds like she has no opportunity to get a job in the future - if that's not the case I see it as very uneven, but I'm not a divorce lawyer or expert to say the lease.

Keep your chin up

She has a good job as a lecturer but only has ever worked 3 days a week and has no intention of going full time. She will have to eventually I guess.

 

[Bakero]

If she's working and you're paying child maintenance, how come the split is so much in her favour?

I have no experience in this area so don't know how it works.

 

[Weststander]

If she's working and you're paying child maintenance, how come the split is so much in her favour?

I have no experience in this area so don't know how it works.

The kids?

 

[Bakero]

The kids?

I guess so but still.

Hope it all works out for you all @Alba Badger

 

[Weststander]

I guess so but still.

Hope it all works out for you all @Alba Badger

There's also that old chestnut in Family Law that the wife was the backbone behind hubby having a successful career.

The same ... wishing @Alba Badger all the best.

 

[Alba Badger]

If she's working and you're paying child maintenance, how come the split is so much in her favour?

I have no experience in this area so don't know how it works.

She needs the larger deposit to buy a house as her earnings are lower than mine. Bigger split so she can get a house. The idea is to make it "fair" is that we both have to be able to buy similar size properties. She earns less so needs a higher deposit for affordability. Means she'll pay £650 a month mortgage where as I'm expected to stump up £1500 per month for similar property. I won't do that, I'll save more of a deposit while i have reasonably low rent at the moment.

 

[SpongebobSquarepants]

When I split with my Ex she got to say in the house until my son finished education (he was 9 at the time).
Because my pension was looking good then she got 66% of future house proceeds and I got 33%.
Now of course would sooner have split everything 50/50!!

But glad looking back my son didnt have to move house as well as deal with split.

 

[Alba Badger]

There's also that old chestnut in Family Law that the wife was the backbone behind hubby having a successful career.

The same ... wishing @Alba Badger all the best.

Well, I have the kids 3 nights/days a week so 42% of the time.

 

[Alba Badger]

When I split with my Ex she got to say in the house until my son finished education (he was 9 at the time).
Because my pension was looking good then she got 66% of future house proceeds and I got 33%.
Now of course would sooner have split everything 50/50!!

But glad looking back my son didnt have to move house as well as deal with split.

Absolutely, Kids are the priority that is why I offered that as a starting point. My eldest will be broken by the idea of having to move. I also now have to act like I agree with that as an idea when I fought to keep them in the house! I guess I will tell him one day when he's old enough to understand.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Afternoon all. I may have just come to a settlement on the split of assets with the soon to be Ex Mrs Alba badger. The whole process has been chuffing horrible and taken ages. Thankfully looks like we've kept it out of court but only just.

I feel a bit miffed at the 75/25% split we've agreed. It could have been way worse as her opening gambit was 85/15% and I feel I had to fight for that additional 10%. This will mean the sale of the house but I will only have to pay her child maintenance and no spousal maintenance. so, clean break. It still means we should both be able to afford a house each but with me paying a way higher mortgage and monthly payment. I may just rent and try and save a few more quid as I have a good deal for next few years.

I did offer that they all stay in the family home until both boys are 18 (9 more years) and that I would pay the mortgage, almost double the child maintenance payments (Home kids have grown up in and is a large place) I even offered to help her with the costs of any repairs etc. Then when there old enough we split 50/50. She wasn't having that. I wanted to do this so the kids could stay in the only home they've ever known as I know they will be upset to leave and that she'll only be able to afford something much smaller and in a potentially poorer area.

My question for all you Divorcees is this. What feels like a fair split of assets? What Split did you get? Should I be happy enough or have I been mugged off? Thanks in advance.

85/15% is just taking the piss really. I know from personal experience that you'll hate what seems at the time like taking money out of your kids' mouths by haggling over percentages, but it really isn't. You have to live somewhere, and preferably somewhere nice that your kids can enjoy when they come visit. Like you, I offered to pay the mortgage on the family home til the kids were grown up, but like you she wasn't having it. Mainly because she had a keen eye on property prices, but also because she wanted to move her new man in earlydoors. So... to sum up: f*** HER! She don't get to dictate terms. Engage a solicitor to safeguard your interests, even if you're not exactly thinking straight at the moment. Above all, maintain a good relationship with your kids. They won't be kids forever. But while they are, you'll prob find that you get offered extra visiting access when your ex wants to go on holiday or do her own thing. Always say yes if you can. And if you can't, then bite the bullet and take a step back. Because, above all else, kids crave stability. They'll reward you for it later, when you still maintain a good relationship with them. Good luck!

And... RELAX!

 

[Weststander]

She needs the larger deposit to buy a house as her earnings are lower than mine. Bigger split so she can get a house. The idea is to make it "fair" is that we both have to be able to buy similar size properties. She earns less so needs a higher deposit for affordability. Means she'll pay £650 a month mortgage where as I'm expected to stump up £1500 per month for similar property. I won't do that, I'll save more of a deposit while i have reasonably low rent at the moment.

Thankfully for you, for the first time possibly in a generation house prices are static or falling.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

With my first divorce we had no assets to split. I had £2K in my bank account and gave it to the ex. Second divorce, I got the house and all the money. Her lawyers wanted half the house, but this was 1992 and the house I bought for £57K in 89 now had a market value of £45K, so I told them I could sell the house and she was welcome to a 50% share in a £12K debt. That was the the end of that discussion. This was a messy and unpleasant divorce that left me without my son for 5 years (they moved to Canada) and heralded many years of tough times, with my finances not help by the Lawson bust. In the long term it has worked out brilliantly. We are even on good terms now with my son's mother, and I had a holiday with her and the extended family in Canada 15 years ago.

My advice is that this is the worst it will be, and that now she has what she wants, try to be kind and nonconfrontational so that you maximise contact with the kids and avoid the sort of problems that some of us have gone through. PM me anytime

 

[Weststander]

With my first divorce we had no assets to split. I had £2K in my bank account and gave it to the ex. Second divorce, I got the house and all the money. Her lawyers wanted half the house, but this was 1992 and the house I bought for £57K in 89 now had a market value of £45K, so I told them I could sell the house and she was welcome to a 50% share in a £12K debt. That was the the end of that discussion. This was a messy and unpleasant divorce that left me without my son for 5 years (they moved to Canada) and heralded many years of tough times, with my finances not help by the Lawson bust. In the long term it has worked out brilliantly. We are even on good terms now with my son's mother, and I had a holiday with her and the extended family in Canada 15 years ago.

My advice is that this is the worst it will be, and that now she has what she wants, try to be kind and nonconfrontational so that you maximise contact with the kids and avoid the sort of problems that some of us have gone through. PM me anytime

Wise words.

Counsellors talk in similar terms to folk at a real low eg after a relationship has ended not of their choosing.

 

[Uh_huh_him]

Afternoon all. I may have just come to a settlement on the split of assets with the soon to be Ex Mrs Alba badger. The whole process has been chuffing horrible and taken ages. Thankfully looks like we've kept it out of court but only just.

I feel a bit miffed at the 75/25% split we've agreed. It could have been way worse as her opening gambit was 85/15% and I feel I had to fight for that additional 10%. This will mean the sale of the house but I will only have to pay her child maintenance and no spousal maintenance. so, clean break. It still means we should both be able to afford a house each but with me paying a way higher mortgage and monthly payment. I may just rent and try and save a few more quid as I have a good deal for next few years.

I did offer that they all stay in the family home until both boys are 18 (9 more years) and that I would pay the mortgage, almost double the child maintenance payments (Home kids have grown up in and is a large place) I even offered to help her with the costs of any repairs etc. Then when there old enough we split 50/50. She wasn't having that. I wanted to do this so the kids could stay in the only home they've ever known as I know they will be upset to leave and that she'll only be able to afford something much smaller and in a potentially poorer area.

My question for all you Divorcees is this. What feels like a fair split of assets? What Split did you get? Should I be happy enough or have I been mugged off? Thanks in advance.

75/25 sounds horrendous. Did she bring in most of the money?

60/40 in my case.
Take legal advice.

 

[Lenny Rider]

Only got as far as sitting in my solicitors office looking at a 50/50 split, thankfully we managed to sort things out and stay together.

But my heart goes out to anyone who has had to navigate this treacherous journey especially with young children involved.

All the best Alba moving forward old boy