[Finance] Divorce

[Bold Seagull]

75/25 sounds horrendous. Did she bring in most of the money?

60/40 in my case.
Take legal advice.

I guess that the split is less to do with what she bought to the table, and more to do with what she is able to afford after with the kids. Every situation is going to be different depending on equity, income, other assets investments. 50-50 might happen in some cases because the split works for both in terms of what they can go onto, but equally, if 60% isn't enough to buy a suitably size home and being able to afford the mortgage on it or renting, what is the person taking custody supposed to do if their income isn't enough? Complicated business.

 

[Uh_huh_him]

I guess that the split is less to do with what she bought to the table, and more to do with what she is able to afford after with the kids. Every situation is going to be different depending on equity, income, other assets investments. 50-50 might happen in some cases because the split works for both in terms of what they can go onto, but equally, if 60% isn't enough to buy a suitably size home and being able to afford the mortgage on it or renting, what is the person taking custody supposed to do if their income isn't enough? Complicated business.

Sure, but the OP has offered to pay the mortgage until the kids get to 18.
That offer seems to have been rejected in favour of a split favouring the Mother (on the face of it)

The courts will only care about the best interests of the children.
I would strongly suggest taking legal advice, to be sure that the split is fair.

 

[POSKETT AT THE VALLEY]

Afternoon all. I may have just come to a settlement on the split of assets with the soon to be Ex Mrs Alba badger. The whole process has been chuffing horrible and taken ages. Thankfully looks like we've kept it out of court but only just.

I feel a bit miffed at the 75/25% split we've agreed. It could have been way worse as her opening gambit was 85/15% and I feel I had to fight for that additional 10%. This will mean the sale of the house but I will only have to pay her child maintenance and no spousal maintenance. so, clean break. It still means we should both be able to afford a house each but with me paying a way higher mortgage and monthly payment. I may just rent and try and save a few more quid as I have a good deal for next few years.

I did offer that they all stay in the family home until both boys are 18 (9 more years) and that I would pay the mortgage, almost double the child maintenance payments (Home kids have grown up in and is a large place) I even offered to help her with the costs of any repairs etc. Then when there old enough we split 50/50. She wasn't having that. I wanted to do this so the kids could stay in the only home they've ever known as I know they will be upset to leave and that she'll only be able to afford something much smaller and in a potentially poorer area.

My question for all you Divorcees is this. What feels like a fair split of assets? What Split did you get? Should I be happy enough or have I been mugged off? Thanks in advance.

If you haven‘t already take legal advice. Sounds like my circumstances were very similar to yours. If you want details of the legal team I used pm me.

 

[JamieR]

Friend of mine recently gone through this. Went to court ended in 60/40 split in her favour. Like your wife she worked part time and wanted more from the house and judge said basicallly tough shit you’re not getting more just because she can’t be arsed to work full time. He did incur 25k solicitors fee though so bear that in mind.

 

[Wrong-Direction]

I find it amazing that blokes are still falling into the marriage trap tbh

 

[HantsSeagull]

each situation is very different. we ended up in the family court in London despite there being very little to divide up really. She was stubborn and her lawyer convinced her i had hidden money all over world. Ended up 70/30 of the then assets and a clean capital break although i am still paying her several hundred a month in spousal. Luckily the 30% i kept ended up being worth a lot more than the 70% i lost, but i went through hell at the time and near bankruptcy.
it is what it is (to coin a phrase) - 75/25 is probably a bit tough in this more enlightened times but its done now.

 

[mwrpoole]

I got divorced 22 years ago, so things may have changed.

We had a 50/50 split.

We had 2 young children and I agreed she could stay in the house, so long as she paid mortgage. We had a trigger that if she started Co-habiting with a new partner she’d either have to move out or buy me out. She did just that & moved out/sold up within 18 months so all good.

 

[nwgull]

At first I though that 75/25 looked ok, but then when you added details of having the kids 3 days out of 7, and that main reason for earning lower earnings is because she can’t be arsed to work more than 60% of the week, I think you’re getting a bit of a raw deal.

I’d take further legal advice.

For what it’s worth I got 50/50 on the marital assets, but we had no kids.

Looking at the positives, I was only 30 at the time and divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. It wasn’t until I’d got out of what had been an 8 year relationship that I realised what I’d been missing out on and how much she’d been sucking the joy out of life and holding me back in so many ways. I hope you go on to have a similar post-marriage experience, whatever age you are.

 

[Alba Badger]

Some good advice here. The offers of help mean loads thank you!

The issue I have is, there isn't loads of equity so spending £25k in the courts would be over a 3rd of what I'm getting so would it be worth going to court to possibly only get a few quid more? I'm not sure it will. The advice someone gave me was this, "look at the amount you agree out of court and mentally add another £25k on to it, because that's what going to court WILL cost, if that amount sounds about fair enough then take it." it's not just the financial cost, also the stress and time. Not sure I could face that just to "win" a few quid more.

Worth thinking about the fact that she'd also have to pay £25k in legal fees and that would basically give her next to no chance of getting property with the kids. I'd happily see her in that situation but not my boys. no way.

As it stands, 75/25% I'll get about £62,500 she'll get £187,500. That split look like a huge kick in the nuts, but taking the above into account, If I were to spent £25k to take her to court, would I get £87,500 a 65/35% split? From the legal advice I have had it's pretty unlikely I'd even get that! So court wouldn't be worth is for either of us. I had to really fight for the 25% clean break and that was just in mediation. It took a lot out of me mentally. As much as it stings, the more I think it all the more I see it that in the long run it's probably the best I'll get.

The good news is with this clean break, if I stay in the low cost rented accommodation I'm in, I'll be about £350 better off when the property is sold because I was paying for the whole mortgage on the old property. If can put that aside and try and top it up over the next 2 years or so i could add to my deposit. Hopefully the slump will be over my then and borrowing costs will have come down and I can get a cheaper mortgage. I also will be in a good position to spot a possible bargain in the housing market. if there is such a thing! Trying to look at the positives.

 

[Lever]

Afternoon all. I may have just come to a settlement on the split of assets with the soon to be Ex Mrs Alba badger. The whole process has been chuffing horrible and taken ages. Thankfully looks like we've kept it out of court but only just.

I feel a bit miffed at the 75/25% split we've agreed. It could have been way worse as her opening gambit was 85/15% and I feel I had to fight for that additional 10%. This will mean the sale of the house but I will only have to pay her child maintenance and no spousal maintenance. so, clean break. It still means we should both be able to afford a house each but with me paying a way higher mortgage and monthly payment. I may just rent and try and save a few more quid as I have a good deal for next few years.

I did offer that they all stay in the family home until both boys are 18 (9 more years) and that I would pay the mortgage, almost double the child maintenance payments (Home kids have grown up in and is a large place) I even offered to help her with the costs of any repairs etc. Then when there old enough we split 50/50. She wasn't having that. I wanted to do this so the kids could stay in the only home they've ever known as I know they will be upset to leave and that she'll only be able to afford something much smaller and in a potentially poorer area.

My question for all you Divorcees is this. What feels like a fair split of assets? What Split did you get? Should I be happy enough or have I been mugged off? Thanks in advance.

That's brave of you to be so open and I hope you feel a positive vibe from the many responses.

My divorce was a long time ago and we had children. I was obliged to buy my ex a three bedroom home, mortgage free, complete with loft conversion and £10,000 in cash as well as ongoing payments for the children. I suppose that represented a a 75%/25% split. She remarried very quickly and was so unhappy in her second marriage that essentially she paid out all she had 'acquired' from my settlement with her to get him out of her life.

Thankfully a few years later I met and married a lovely lady; over the years we have more than made up for the financial and emotional deficits, kept a loving relationship with the children of my first marriage and had a couple of great children ourselves.

May you have as much happiness as I now enjoy; there is hope!

 

[Weststander]

Some good advice here. The offers of help mean loads thank you!

The issue I have is, there isn't loads of equity so spending £25k in the courts would be over a 3rd of what I'm getting so would it be worth going to court to possibly only get a few quid more? I'm not sure it will. The advice someone gave me was this, "look at the amount you agree out of court and mentally add another £25k on to it, because that's what going to court WILL cost, if that amount sounds about fair enough then take it." it's not just the financial cost, also the stress and time. Not sure I could face that just to "win" a few quid more.

Worth thinking about the fact that she'd also have to pay £25k in legal fees and that would basically give her next to no chance of getting property with the kids. I'd happily see her in that situation but not my boys. no way.

As it stands, 75/25% I'll get about £62,500 she'll get £187,500. That split look like a huge kick in the nuts, but taking the above into account, If I were to spent £25k to take her to court, would I get £87,500 a 65/35% split? From the legal advice I have had it's pretty unlikely I'd even get that! So court wouldn't be worth is for either of us. I had to really fight for the 25% clean break and that was just in mediation. It took a lot out of me mentally. As much as it stings, the more I think it all the more I see it that in the long run it's probably the best I'll get.

The good news is with this clean break, if I stay in the low cost rented accommodation I'm in, I'll be about £350 better off when the property is sold because I was paying for the whole mortgage on the old property. If can put that aside and try and top it up over the next 2 years or so i could add to my deposit. Hopefully the slump will be over my then and borrowing costs will have come down and I can get a cheaper mortgage. I also will be in a good position to spot a possible bargain in the housing market. if there is such a thing! Trying to look at the positives.

She ‘got’ the £187,500, but at least you have a fresh start now without her. As painful as that is with your love for the kids.

Good luck with everything.

 

[Paulie Gualtieri]

She needs the larger deposit to buy a house as her earnings are lower than mine. Bigger split so she can get a house. The idea is to make it "fair" is that we both have to be able to buy similar size properties. She earns less so needs a higher deposit for affordability. Means she'll pay £650 a month mortgage where as I'm expected to stump up £1500 per month for similar property. I won't do that, I'll save more of a deposit while i have reasonably low rent at the moment.

Is child care a reason why she’s working 3 days a week rather than full time? I can only assume this to be the case based on the above?

 

[LamieRobertson]

I find it amazing that blokes are still falling into the marriage trap tbh

How’s that going with your Missus

 

[Ooh it’s a corner]

My divorce was horrendous(over 20 years ago). I didn't fight particularly and got a one off payment of 20k, paid maintenance for our 3 kids and she kept the house and had 25% of my pension
BUT
It was the beginning of the best part of my life - however the split has happened and however fair/unfair the finances seem, once settled just move forward - it’s your life. My advice would be to do the best you can to ease your kids through if(it won’t be easy). Now mine are grown up they have a much better understanding of it all but it will be tough for them. Fundamentally though you must look after yourself and take the chance to be happy. Live your life and don’t be bitter about the past.

 

[Oh_aye]

Some good advice here. The offers of help mean loads thank you!

The issue I have is, there isn't loads of equity so spending £25k in the courts would be over a 3rd of what I'm getting so would it be worth going to court to possibly only get a few quid more? I'm not sure it will. The advice someone gave me was this, "look at the amount you agree out of court and mentally add another £25k on to it, because that's what going to court WILL cost, if that amount sounds about fair enough then take it." it's not just the financial cost, also the stress and time. Not sure I could face that just to "win" a few quid more.

Worth thinking about the fact that she'd also have to pay £25k in legal fees and that would basically give her next to no chance of getting property with the kids. I'd happily see her in that situation but not my boys. no way.

As it stands, 75/25% I'll get about £62,500 she'll get £187,500. That split look like a huge kick in the nuts, but taking the above into account, If I were to spent £25k to take her to court, would I get £87,500 a 65/35% split? From the legal advice I have had it's pretty unlikely I'd even get that! So court wouldn't be worth is for either of us. I had to really fight for the 25% clean break and that was just in mediation. It took a lot out of me mentally. As much as it stings, the more I think it all the more I see it that in the long run it's probably the best I'll get.

The good news is with this clean break, if I stay in the low cost rented accommodation I'm in, I'll be about £350 better off when the property is sold because I was paying for the whole mortgage on the old property. If can put that aside and try and top it up over the next 2 years or so i could add to my deposit. Hopefully the slump will be over my then and borrowing costs will have come down and I can get a cheaper mortgage. I also will be in a good position to spot a possible bargain in the housing market. if there is such a thing! Trying to look at the positives.

Mate, I'm sure you feel raw but you come across completely fair, decent and like someone who has figured it out. Dont get triggered by other people's settlements. Theyre all based on individual circumstances. It seems like you've got the one that is right for you, and you seem incredibly devoid of bitterness which, money aside, will kill you off much quicker. Sickener to hear you tried to keep the kids in the family home but she didn't go for it, but I wish you all the best.

 

[Giraffe]

Very hard to assess this in a comparative way as everyone's circumstances are different. I therefore don't think you should get hung up on the %. I don't even know what mine was. All I know was she got a very good deal, but not as a good as she was offered but declined so we went to court. I can therefore always know that I offered more than a court would give. I took comfort in that although the reality is we both spunked far too much money on the legals.

I look back, nearly ten years later though and feel happy that 1) I prioritised the children and agreed those arrangements before agreeing the money which meant my relationship with them was as good as it could be and 2) their mother was looked after well enough.

Our split was horrendous and I can honestly say that time was the worst of my life but I do look back and feel happy at the ultimate outcome.

As others have said, provided you now have sufficient to live on and maintain that relationship with your children then that's good enough for now and well done for not having to go to court as that would have cost you a lot of £'s.

 

[Triggaaar]

I find it amazing that blokes are still falling into the marriage trap tbh

Eh? What is this marriage trap you're talking about?

Are you suggesting it's best to have kids without getting married? Of the people I know who have split up, the one who fared the worst was the one who wasn't married and had a kid. Seeing his son became practically impossible and his life was basically ruined.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Afternoon all. I may have just come to a settlement on the split of assets with the soon to be Ex Mrs Alba badger. The whole process has been chuffing horrible and taken ages. Thankfully looks like we've kept it out of court but only just.

I feel a bit miffed at the 75/25% split we've agreed. It could have been way worse as her opening gambit was 85/15% and I feel I had to fight for that additional 10%. This will mean the sale of the house but I will only have to pay her child maintenance and no spousal maintenance. so, clean break. It still means we should both be able to afford a house each but with me paying a way higher mortgage and monthly payment. I may just rent and try and save a few more quid as I have a good deal for next few years.

I did offer that they all stay in the family home until both boys are 18 (9 more years) and that I would pay the mortgage, almost double the child maintenance payments (Home kids have grown up in and is a large place) I even offered to help her with the costs of any repairs etc. Then when there old enough we split 50/50. She wasn't having that. I wanted to do this so the kids could stay in the only home they've ever known as I know they will be upset to leave and that she'll only be able to afford something much smaller and in a potentially poorer area.

My question for all you Divorcees is this. What feels like a fair split of assets? What Split did you get? Should I be happy enough or have I been mugged off? Thanks in advance.

I do not know how child maintainance works in the mix but ignoring this, I'd say a fair split is 50/50 if it's just assets.

 

[Triggaaar]

The issue I have is, there isn't loads of equity so spending £25k in the courts would be over a 3rd of what I'm getting so would it be worth going to court to possibly only get a few quid more? I'm not sure it will.

No, it probably won't be worth it. The details are important. If you have £50k in assets and she wants 75%, but 60/40 is fairer, you're basically losing £7.5k, which isn't enough to fight over, and you'll lose more with lawyers. But if you have £500k, then you're losing £75k, so it's worth getting advice on what's fair.

As it stands, 75/25% I'll get about £62,500 she'll get £187,500.

Ok, so £250k. It's got to be worth at least asking a solicitor - and you say you have seen a solicitor. And if the solicitor thinks you're unlikely to get better than 35%, and it'll cost at least £25k, then what's the point - take the deal and move on with your life.

 

[Alba Badger]

Is child care a reason why she’s working 3 days a week rather than full time? I can only assume this to be the case based on the above?

My kids are 12 and 9 so they don't need a huge amount of child care.