Constipation - how do you deal with it?

[West Hoathly Seagull]

View attachment 80560

They're under starters orders.........

Those tiles look like they need a clean. And I would sack the bloke who did the grout in the corner.

 

[Dick Head]

 

[Albion my Albion]

Good try but there doesn't appear to be any post that can't be replied to with 'Your mum'.

TESTING, TESTING..........................Your mum.

 

[BlockDpete]

Go for a run.

The motion with nicely massage the contents of the lower bowel and produce the desired effect.

Its just you wont be near anyway suitable to perform such evacuation......as I've found out on a couple of occasions.

 

[Albion my Albion]

Go for a run.

The motion with nicely massage the contents of the lower bowel and produce the desired effect.

Its just you wont be near anyway suitable to perform such evacuation......as I've found out on a couple of occasions.

As that bloke Willy from Stratford said "all the world's an evacuation setting."

 

[Westdene Wonder]

Try a large bag of dried figs,should help

 

[Petunia]

O.K. This joke is getting very tiresome. Who in the hell are you?

8Ace?

 

[The Clamp]

Take a pro-biotic. Yakult or such like. Alcohol and/or over eating destroys your stomach's bacteria. You need to restore it and give your gut a re-boot.

 

[rogersix]

Two days in now.

Harvey's had no effect yesterday.

Mrs HB&B sitting on my stomach didn't do the trick.

Any suggestions ?

walk down dark alleyways til you get the shit kicked out of you

 

[sir albion]

Constipation is also a symptom of anxiety.....so there's always numerous reasons

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

You must have a shower head that detaches from the fixing and has multiple jet options.
Lock the bathroom door.
Get in the shower remove the shower and turn it on to hot but not too hot.
Crouch down keeping your back straight, this will keep your bowels and small intestine(illieum) also straight.
Adjust the shower to a powerful jet and hold about 6 inches from your rusty sheriffs badge.
After 3 minutes or so you will start to feel some movement, do not resist at this point, relax.
The blockage will soon clear, keep your feet well out of the way.
Prepare for a lot of mess and a stench, keep going until you are empty.
Now for the tricky bit.
All large lumps can removed and placed in the Khazi for flushing.
Winnets, tag-ends and guppies are washed down the plug hole with the shower.
Dry your starfish and apply a mildly antiseptic cream.
Check the head of the shower for any poo that has clung on ( the wife will be upset if you forget to do this) and wipe with bog roll dunked in Dettol.
I hope this helps.

 

[BN9 BHA]

You must have a shower head that detaches from the fixing and has multiple jet options.
Lock the bathroom door.
Get in the shower remove the shower and turn it on to hot but not too hot.
Crouch down keeping your back straight, this will keep your bowels and small intestine(illieum) also straight.
Adjust the shower to a powerful jet and hold about 6 inches from your rusty sheriffs badge.
After 3 minutes or so you will start to feel some movement, do not resist at this point, relax.
The blockage will soon clear, keep your feet well out of the way.
Prepare for a lot of mess and a stench, keep going until you are empty.
Now for the tricky bit.
All large lumps can removed and placed in the Khazi for flushing.
Winnets, tag-ends and guppies are washed down the plug hole with the shower.
Dry your starfish and apply a mildly antiseptic cream.
Check the head of the shower for any poo that has clung on ( the wife will be upset if you forget to do this) and wipe with bog roll dunked in Dettol.
I hope this helps.

 

[Durlston]

If you wait long enough it'll simply back all the way up and you'll start vomiting fecal matter. I believe the term is 'compremesis'.

I for one recommend that you hang on until that point.

That has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. When I was on painkillers for my haemorrhoids getting infected I didn't have a shit for 3-4 days. It started with excess bloating and belching like rotten egg gas. Even now I think back to how horrible it was. Sickness was inevitable and I also got diarrhoea. I always have plenty of powdered laxatives if I don't go for a day and a half because I never ever want to experience that again. Even the smell of eggs now makes me slightly queasy.

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

A real ale should fix it, especially if you insist of having the last cloudy pint at the bottom of the barrel.

Amex Harveys unlikely to get it all moving as we have special Harvey that I understand has some extra filtration process to enable to to be moved about.

Bullshit baffles brains. Nothing special just bright, real ale that the second fermentation has happened prior to being put in barrels, it has a short shelf life the same a "tapped" barrels in the cellar.

 

[BN9 BHA]

That has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. When I was on painkillers for my haemorrhoids getting infected I didn't have a shit for 3-4 days. It started with excess bloating and belching like rotten egg gas. Even now I think back to how horrible it was. Sickness was inevitable and I also got diarrhoea. I always have plenty of powdered laxatives if I don't go for a day and a half because I never ever want to experience that again. Even the smell of eggs now makes me slightly queasy.

 

[Deleted User X18H]

I am having the most horrific opposite affect this morning. Thanks to a laxitve I took.

 

[The Clamp]

You must have a shower head that detaches from the fixing and has multiple jet options.
Lock the bathroom door.
Get in the shower remove the shower and turn it on to hot but not too hot.
Crouch down keeping your back straight, this will keep your bowels and small intestine(illieum) also straight.
Adjust the shower to a powerful jet and hold about 6 inches from your rusty sheriffs badge.
After 3 minutes or so you will start to feel some movement, do not resist at this point, relax.
The blockage will soon clear, keep your feet well out of the way.
Prepare for a lot of mess and a stench, keep going until you are empty.
Now for the tricky bit.
All large lumps can removed and placed in the Khazi for flushing.
Winnets, tag-ends and guppies are washed down the plug hole with the shower.
Dry your starfish and apply a mildly antiseptic cream.
Check the head of the shower for any poo that has clung on ( the wife will be upset if you forget to do this) and wipe with bog roll dunked in Dettol.
I hope this helps.

 

[Exile]

I am having the most horrific opposite affect this morning.

But still went to the presser this morning, so you could feed your ego. If this season of seasons is about to be derailed by a dose of the trots sweeping through the squad, we'll know where to come.

 

[Albion my Albion]

Usually I just don't give a shite.

 

[whitelion]

Usually I just don't give a shite.

Herein lies the problem.