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[Misc] Christmas and mental health...the annual thread



Insel affe

HellBilly
Feb 23, 2009
24,497
Brighton factually.....
I do celebrate the Solstice with a few candles and a drink as well as visiting Burning the Clocks. Days are getting longer. Christmas comes with too much material and emotional baggage.
I actually feel pressured and guilty for not liking Christmas.
I am not a Christian, despise religion and feel aggrieved I have to justify that to my wife and daughter when they ask where there presents are.
 




jakarta

Well-known member
May 25, 2007
15,743
Sullington
Not going to be an issue for 2023, as neither of us are fit and well enough to do our usual socialising and Church going.
A quiet few days instead, probably binge watching TV.
 


Weststander

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Aug 25, 2011
69,953
Withdean area
I do celebrate the Solstice with a few candles and a drink as well as visiting Burning the Clocks. Days are getting longer. Christmas comes with too much material and emotional baggage.

Would it be a nicer experience for you if you didn’t see in-laws etc? My time is far more relaxing, when it’s simply us 4.
 
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PILTDOWN MAN

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Sep 15, 2004
19,772
Hurst Green
What inner strength you have. Well done !
Thanks and indeed thanks to all for the likes.

I've made all the family Christmas cakes this year and a couple to eat while they're here. I'm sure they'll like them haha

IMG_0450.jpg
IMG_0460.jpg

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The real version
 




Fungus

Well-known member
NSC Patron
May 21, 2004
7,170
Truro
Shortest Day tomorrow, 2023 can't finish soon enough for me.
I don’t want to wish it away, but evenings drawing out (however slowly) always seems like a milestone. Starting to see daffodils in bloom also lifts the spirits. 🌼🌼
 


chickens

Have you considered masterly inactivity?
NSC Patron
Oct 12, 2022
2,792
Really not feeling festive this year. Am looking forward to seeing family, but I can’t muster any spirit of the season, it’s been a slog.

Like others have posted, I’m feeling more excited for the solstice this year than I am about Xmas. I’m proper Scrooge/Grinch (delete according to generation) atm.
 










Wardy's twin

Well-known member
Oct 21, 2014
8,948
Bloody Hell. That is very sobering. There are so many people we only see at the football, and we have no idea of their back story.
Not just football .... people with mental health don't wear labels and the signs aren't always visible indeed they are usually well concealed by people who are ashamed/scared that others think they are weak etc. I talk about my personal mental struggles , probably to too many people, but in a couple of cases I haver seen eyes light up and acknowledgement that they weren't alone.
 






BrightonCottager

Well-known member
Sep 30, 2013
2,865
Brighton


Cotton Socks

Skint Supporter
Feb 20, 2017
2,209
My Mum died a couple of weeks ago & I'm developing an irrational hatred of people saying 'Sorry,' to the point I'm saying to people that there's no need to apologise as they had nothing to do with her dying. 'Sorry' in my world is what you say when you've hurt or upset someone.

'Loss' is doing my head in as well, I know exactly where she is, in the mortuary. I was really close to my mum & I am in a complete 'Keep Calm & Carry On' mode. It's not intentional but I'm beginning to feel guilty for being calm & organised, when normally I'm known as the most disorganised person of the family.

Someone accidentally made me feel guilty for not wanting to go to the hospital after she'd died. I won't ever regret not going, I'll always remember her as I saw her the week before, at home & annoying her, as Alexa listened to me more than her when it came to the next track.
Went to my Dad's earlier & remembered I hadn't amended my online shop to include everything (anything) for Xmas (I just reserved the slot). I borrowed his laptop & spent 20 mins doing the Xmas shop, that was just rude!
I just have this sudden overwhelming urge to be logical & organise stuff. My Dad has made the appointment to register her death on Xmas Eve. That's going to mess up my routine of last min present wrapping & a glass of Baileys. I did try & hint to my Dad that Xmas Eve is a really shit day to be doing something like that (not that there's a good day).
Now I've written this out, I think I'm probably just completely numb. I shouldn't even be putting this here, as grief is something we will all have to suffer. Even being numb is shit though, as I don't know how to help anyone else. 🤷‍♀️
 




Zeberdi

“Vorsprung durch Technik”
NSC Patron
Oct 20, 2022
7,252
My Mum died a couple of weeks ago & I'm developing an irrational hatred of people saying 'Sorry,' to the point I'm saying to people that there's no need to apologise as they had nothing to do with her dying. 'Sorry' in my world is what you say when you've hurt or upset someone.

'Loss' is doing my head in as well, I know exactly where she is, in the mortuary. I was really close to my mum & I am in a complete 'Keep Calm & Carry On' mode. It's not intentional but I'm beginning to feel guilty for being calm & organised, when normally I'm known as the most disorganised person of the family.

Someone accidentally made me feel guilty for not wanting to go to the hospital after she'd died. I won't ever regret not going, I'll always remember her as I saw her the week before, at home & annoying her, as Alexa listened to me more than her when it came to the next track.
Went to my Dad's earlier & remembered I hadn't amended my online shop to include everything (anything) for Xmas (I just reserved the slot). I borrowed his laptop & spent 20 mins doing the Xmas shop, that was just rude!
I just have this sudden overwhelming urge to be logical & organise stuff. My Dad has made the appointment to register her death on Xmas Eve. That's going to mess up my routine of last min present wrapping & a glass of Baileys. I did try & hint to my Dad that Xmas Eve is a really shit day to be doing something like that (not that there's a good day).
Now I've written this out, I think I'm probably just completely numb. I shouldn't even be putting this here, as grief is something we will all have to suffer. Even being numb is shit though, as I don't know how to help anyone else. 🤷‍♀️

It’s really difficult to know what to say sometimes to people who have suffered a major bereavement - especially when they are still processing their own feelings as you are. It’s an enormous upheaval to lose a parent - I found when my Dad died, (also just before Christmas) it somehow challenged my very identity - being autistic, I struggled to mourn like the rest of the family, I withdrew and wouldn’t sit with them or show any grief, in fact I went into the garden to have a fag and chill out. That went down like a ton of bricks but we all react to grief in different ways - no way is right or wrong.

You have my heartfelt best wishes while you navigate through this time in your own way without fear of judgment and unti
you can somehow come to terms with life without your Mum. I think the urge to be overly organised and logical is a perfectly normal response to internalised extreme emotions as is numbness - just a way of keeping it together - you’ll allow yourself to feel some of that emotion in your own time and in an amount you can handle when you are good and ready - until then organise away!

Feel free to pm over the Christmas break if you want to vent CS.
 


The Optimist

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Apr 6, 2008
2,804
Lewisham
My Mum died a couple of weeks ago & I'm developing an irrational hatred of people saying 'Sorry,' to the point I'm saying to people that there's no need to apologise as they had nothing to do with her dying. 'Sorry' in my world is what you say when you've hurt or upset someone.

'Loss' is doing my head in as well, I know exactly where she is, in the mortuary. I was really close to my mum & I am in a complete 'Keep Calm & Carry On' mode. It's not intentional but I'm beginning to feel guilty for being calm & organised, when normally I'm known as the most disorganised person of the family.

Someone accidentally made me feel guilty for not wanting to go to the hospital after she'd died. I won't ever regret not going, I'll always remember her as I saw her the week before, at home & annoying her, as Alexa listened to me more than her when it came to the next track.
Went to my Dad's earlier & remembered I hadn't amended my online shop to include everything (anything) for Xmas (I just reserved the slot). I borrowed his laptop & spent 20 mins doing the Xmas shop, that was just rude!
I just have this sudden overwhelming urge to be logical & organise stuff. My Dad has made the appointment to register her death on Xmas Eve. That's going to mess up my routine of last min present wrapping & a glass of Baileys. I did try & hint to my Dad that Xmas Eve is a really shit day to be doing something like that (not that there's a good day).
Now I've written this out, I think I'm probably just completely numb. I shouldn't even be putting this here, as grief is something we will all have to suffer. Even being numb is shit though, as I don't know how to help anyone else. 🤷‍♀️
If it helps you deal with people saying sorry one of the dictionary definitions for it is:
‘feeling sad or distressed through sympathy with someone else's misfortune.’

I don’t have anything else to add to Zeberdi’s post, which seems like good advice.
 


Thunder Bolt

Silly old bat
If it helps you deal with people saying sorry one of the dictionary definitions for it is:
‘feeling sad or distressed through sympathy with someone else's misfortune.’

I don’t have anything else to add to Zeberdi’s post, which seems like good advice.
Grief is irrational and anger can be part of it.
 


Hamilton

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 7, 2003
12,990
Brighton
Bloody hell. If you weren’t depressed before reading this thread you will be after reading the first few pages.

Sorry for those not feeling it. Hope you survive and feel better soon.

I’m feeling great. Looking forward to seeing family and friends.
 




nickbrighton

Well-known member
Feb 19, 2016
2,185
My Mum died a couple of weeks ago & I'm developing an irrational hatred of people saying 'Sorry,' to the point I'm saying to people that there's no need to apologise as they had nothing to do with her dying. 'Sorry' in my world is what you say when you've hurt or upset someone.

'Loss' is doing my head in as well, I know exactly where she is, in the mortuary. I was really close to my mum & I am in a complete 'Keep Calm & Carry On' mode. It's not intentional but I'm beginning to feel guilty for being calm & organised, when normally I'm known as the most disorganised person of the family.

Someone accidentally made me feel guilty for not wanting to go to the hospital after she'd died. I won't ever regret not going, I'll always remember her as I saw her the week before, at home & annoying her, as Alexa listened to me more than her when it came to the next track.
Went to my Dad's earlier & remembered I hadn't amended my online shop to include everything (anything) for Xmas (I just reserved the slot). I borrowed his laptop & spent 20 mins doing the Xmas shop, that was just rude!
I just have this sudden overwhelming urge to be logical & organise stuff. My Dad has made the appointment to register her death on Xmas Eve. That's going to mess up my routine of last min present wrapping & a glass of Baileys. I did try & hint to my Dad that Xmas Eve is a really shit day to be doing something like that (not that there's a good day).
Now I've written this out, I think I'm probably just completely numb. I shouldn't even be putting this here, as grief is something we will all have to suffer. Even being numb is shit though, as I don't know how to help anyone else. 🤷‍♀️
The one thing that I found after my parents and others close to me have died, that may be of some comfort, is that there is no "right" way to grieve, to feel, or thing to do. Just do what you think is right, and feel how you feel. Whether that is organising everything to the nth degree, locking yourself away and crying, or "carrying on as normal". Whatever you do is the correct thing for you.

Remember your Mum as you wish to, in better times, when she was your Mum. At the moment the emptiness can be almost unbearably sad, but with time, that gap is filled with happy memories. Don't feel guilty about anything,

I hope that you find some comfort in family and friends this Christmas, you will have all the very best thoughts of everyone on NSC .
 


essbee1

Well-known member
Jun 25, 2014
4,827
My Mum died a couple of weeks ago & I'm developing an irrational hatred of people saying 'Sorry,' to the point I'm saying to people that there's no need to apologise as they had nothing to do with her dying. 'Sorry' in my world is what you say when you've hurt or upset someone.

'Loss' is doing my head in as well, I know exactly where she is, in the mortuary. I was really close to my mum & I am in a complete 'Keep Calm & Carry On' mode. It's not intentional but I'm beginning to feel guilty for being calm & organised, when normally I'm known as the most disorganised person of the family.

Someone accidentally made me feel guilty for not wanting to go to the hospital after she'd died. I won't ever regret not going, I'll always remember her as I saw her the week before, at home & annoying her, as Alexa listened to me more than her when it came to the next track.
Went to my Dad's earlier & remembered I hadn't amended my online shop to include everything (anything) for Xmas (I just reserved the slot). I borrowed his laptop & spent 20 mins doing the Xmas shop, that was just rude!
I just have this sudden overwhelming urge to be logical & organise stuff. My Dad has made the appointment to register her death on Xmas Eve. That's going to mess up my routine of last min present wrapping & a glass of Baileys. I did try & hint to my Dad that Xmas Eve is a really shit day to be doing something like that (not that there's a good day).
Now I've written this out, I think I'm probably just completely numb. I shouldn't even be putting this here, as grief is something we will all have to suffer. Even being numb is shit though, as I don't know how to help anyone else. 🤷‍♀️
I know everyone is different, but when my Dad passed away two years ago, so many people said to me "so sorry for your loss". Fortunately, he was 91, so my response was always "Thanks, but he a good life and a good age". That helped me - because it turned a very downbeat situation into a very positive one.
 


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