[Misc] Christmas and mental health...the annual thread

[southstandandy]

Fortunately we make little of Christmas now and don't buy into the 'we have to spend countless money' to have a 'nice' Christmas.

Now the kids have left home it will be just me and Mrs B, a meal we'll cook together and a bit of evening TV. Come the 26th it's all over, so we just don't feel the need to make a big fuss over 1 day. This way we have a pleasant day, good food, and are solvent in the New Year.

For those feeling 'under pressure' - don't let other people or the advertisers convince you Christmas has to see you spend lots of money (you don't), or visit family you don't get on with (you don't) and in reality for most of us it's just a couple of days off. I've had Christmas's in the past on my own in my mid 20's and they were some of the best! Cooked what I wanted and spent some slobby days in front of the telebox.

 

[Grizz]

Ta for starting this thread.

I'm doing pretty well for the most part. I don't really have any major gripes in life, everything has kinda gone to plan, but there is a constant niggle in my marriage where a lot of my husband's mood is dictated by his family. I've always been rather stoic about it, support him when it's bad, but let him know it's not ok when it starts to affect us more than it usually does.

I had a massive anxiety attack in April on the way to work and took a few weeks off, doctor was great in as far as she could be, the NHS counselling service did their best, but they're swamped and it's all so very basic. I tried to muddle my way through it myself, reading up a lot about schema therapy that the doc recommended, but felt myself slipping into just being overly frustrated everyday again. I sought help from a private counsellor and I'm lucky that I can afford to pay for it every week. Been a revelation, nearly three months into it, we've talked about a lot of shit, both present and historical (didn't even know that was a issue tbh!) and I'm feeling a hell of a lot more relaxed about things, a lot less angry and when it does start to manifest itself I talk to my husband about it. This is the first Christmas for years where I'm very chilled out going into December. I'm not worried, I've not over committed myself to going out loads.

Anyway, thought I'd just post letting those out there who are having a bad time, that there are ways out of it, it does get better. My god I would recommend counselling to anyone now, even if you don't think you need it. Genuinely life changing, even for someone like me who constantly gets labelled as the one who had a 'normal' upbringing, who seems pretty strong and with it mentally, who others tend to go to with their problems.

Much love people.

 

[Herne Hill Seagull]

This is an important and thoughtful thread. Credit to the OP and anybody who opens up on here. I've always loved Christmas - every year, my folks' place was the hub where all my mates would gather in the evening and we'd have a great time. I still do, but with dad long gone and mum suffering dementia, I was already wondering last year if she'd still recognise me when I got over there. She did, but it's a matter of time and this may be the visit, I just never know.

But I still enjoy it, overall - it's a time when almost everybody's off, so I can go home and catch up with a lot of mates in a short space of time. And it's much less commercialised here in Spain than it is in the UK. Of course it's going that way, but they don't start trying to sell you shit in September here, at least not where I live. For all those for whom it's a time of suffering and loneliness - and I have mates for whom it is - be strong, we're already in advent and it'll be over before you know it.

 

[The Wookiee]

I’ve decided to get away from it all this year - Flying to Hurghada on 23rd December fly back 27th - Being on holiday on my own makes me happy- gives me something to look forward to:

Got a good deal and I will be in the sunshine relaxing, smiling and having a happy Christmas- better than sitting at home on my own.

 

[spence]

Fook me there are some miserable barstards around. It's one of my favourite times of year.
I like the fact most places shut down and pubs are a lot busier.
More football matches.
Some of the residential homes are lit up wonderfully
Mulled wine and roasted chestnuts.
Possibility of snow.
People enjoying themselves.
Family get togethers

The only downer Is the cost.

 

[Bry Nylon]

Fook me there are some miserable barstards around. It's one of my favourite times of year.
I like the fact most places shut down and pubs are a lot busier.
More football matches.
Some of the residential homes are lit up wonderfully
Mulled wine and roasted chestnuts.
Possibility of snow.
People enjoying themselves.
Family get togethers

The only downer Is the cost.

This probably isn’t the thread for you then. So I’ll respectfully ask that you move along and maybe don’t post on this thread any further. Thanks.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

I am looking forward to the break. Mrs and Mini SSB will be away from 14/12 until 24/12 so the focus for me will be the actual day itself rather than all the bollox that starts from 11 November ( post my birthday). I enjoy being with my family, brother and mum. In my line of work everyone is also on holiday so it’s the one week of the year that I can totally switch off without having to think about work. I did have a hard time of things in the late 90s so appreciate Xmas isn’t for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that at all.

 

[Greg Bobkin]

Fook me there are some miserable barstards around. It's one of my favourite times of year.
I like the fact most places shut down and pubs are a lot busier.
More football matches.
Some of the residential homes are lit up wonderfully
Mulled wine and roasted chestnuts.
Possibility of snow.
People enjoying themselves.
Family get togethers

The only downer Is the cost.

What a 'miserable bastard'

 

[LamieRobertson]

I like the fact most places shut down.
More football matches.
Some of the residential homes are lit up wonderfully
Mulled wine
Possibility of snow.
People enjoying themselves.
Family get togethers with those living and times to remember those not with us

The only downer Is the cost….but hey it’s worth it, providing it’s within your means

Boosts my mental health

 

[Weststander]

I like the fact most places shut down.
More football matches.
Some of the residential homes are lit up wonderfully
Mulled wine
Possibility of snow.
People enjoying themselves.
Family get togethers with those living and times to remember those not with us

The only downer Is the cost….but hey it’s worth it, providing it’s within your means

Boosts my mental health

A personal view, I’ve always loved the whole thing.

I remember a similar thread last year. One thing for those struggling with “having” to spend significant time with relatives/in-laws they detest or stress them out, is to take control and not spend time with them. Get past the guilt and/or negotiate a different arrangement with your partner if need be. You only live once and it’s precious time off work …. don’t do it.

 

[BNthree]

This year we’re really low key and basically opting out of Christmas. There’s divs in my family and divs in my wife’s and we usually run round trying to keep everyone happy. This year we’re just staying home and doing what we want. Can’t wait!

 

[happypig]

Largely because of comments like this

And I am going to now delete my earlier post - thanks (and thanks to those that ‘liked your post’) - hope you dont lose your mums at Christmas or have to spend it on your own because you are too ill to travel and hope if you do, you all get a better reaction than you have given myself and others.

I lost my mum suddenly on NYE 2012. You never really get over it but it gets easier to celebrate without feeling guilty. Having said that I never really liked NYE before, much preferring to go for a quiet drink with Mrs H the night before or after (or preferably both).

As for Christmas, I used to enjoy it when I was young but for 25-odd years we had to have the in-laws to us (no-one else in the family would ever offer and so we were "expected to"). Coupling that with working shifts for most of that time has rather jaded my experience.

One other thing is that, try as we might not to, we buy and eat/drink far too much shite. It gets to the stage that by the 2nd of January I am heartily sick of beer/wine/sweets/biscuits/cheese (yes, even cheese) but I keep consuming because its there.

 

[Cotton Socks]

In the last week I have said no to 2 different sets of people regarding 'their' Xmas plans. This has led to 2 people being 'disappointed' (they understand but I feel I may regret saying no) and 1 being thoroughly p**sed off that I haven't done what they demanded, (even though I said I couldn't) and they are now not speaking to me! I've felt really liberated by sticking to my guns and consistently saying no to the person that's got the hump, but they started to wear me down, I made a compromise & that didn't fit into 'their' plans so somehow I'm in the wrong, even though I said no from the start. This person has demanded that I do the same thing for them every year to help them out & I've always done it, even though I know they're just being a lazy git and could easily do it themselves. I simply don't have the time to do it this year & rather than be understanding & say 'no that's fine I can do it myself', they've made me feel like crap. It's going to take all of my willpower to not apologise for not doing something I'd already said I wouldn't do.
Thankfully I'm ok for money for presents as I have an Xmas savings account that I put the same amount into every week and don't touch it for any reason. I do perhaps feel I should've started to increase the weekly amount to line up with inflation as I've been putting the same weekly amount in for 10 years! Things from the food shop will be cut off but as I've started to 'properly' look at the Xmas budget I've realised they're not actually needed, we never eat the Xmas biscuit tin, why would we eat biscuits when there's chocolate?
Xmas bows? Nah bad for environment. Cards? Same, I have a mobile phone that I can send the same message and ask them how they are at the same time. Expensive wrapping paper? No one cares. Spend a fortune for new decorations to post on SM to compete with someone? Nope, the decorations I have are not colour co-ordinated, they're not expensive but there are a lot that have sentimental value. One decoration I've had for 40 years and I've told my kids that when I'm no longer here to p**s them off with it, then one of them has to have it on a Xmas rota. It's pretty much an indestructible decoration. Unlike the nativity scenes, baby Jesus, a couple of wise men & a shepherd have buggered off on one. Joseph has lost his head on another.
Some of my friends and family have had an horrific year & I've really struggled to work out how to help them, but I've tried. I really feel like pointing out to the person that is not speaking to me that they're on another planet if that's all they're worried about.

TLDR. Do what you want to do, but also don't be scared to ask if you can gatecrash if you're on your own. Some of the best Xmas's I've had is because of an unexpected extra. You may actually be doing them a big favour by coming round, you just don't know it yet.

 

[Weststander]

This year we’re really low key and basically opting out of Christmas. There’s divs in my family and divs in my wife’s and we usually run round trying to keep everyone happy. This year we’re just staying home and doing what we want. Can’t wait!

We’ve done that for years, just 4 of us, this year with my son’s g/f too. Zero driving, no time being secretly bored stiff at others. Perfect!

 

[Zeberdi]

I lost my mum suddenly on NYE 2012. You never really get over it but it gets easier to celebrate without feeling guilty

Sorry about that but it wasn’t the point I was making - My Mum is dying she isn’t dead and I don’t feel ‘guilty‘ for being too seriously ill myself to to travel or too sick to ‘celebrate’. I did explain in an earlier post, laying myself open but it was met with virtual ‘silence’, clearly no sympathy and ‘there’s a lot of miserable bastards around’ - so my interest in ‘sharing’ has gone and I would advise people who feel very vulnerable for whatever reason, to think carefully about being too open on an internet forum.

Edit - I thought NSC was a place that people could feel comfortable sharing stuff and it was really helpful for me when I was in hospital for so many months but not any more - sorry.

 

[Weststander]

I lost my mum suddenly on NYE 2012. You never really get over it but it gets easier to celebrate without feeling guilty. Having said that I never really liked NYE before, much preferring to go for a quiet drink with Mrs H the night before or after (or preferably both).

As for Christmas, I used to enjoy it when I was young but for 25-odd years we had to have the in-laws to us (no-one else in the family would ever offer and so we were "expected to"). Coupling that with working shifts for most of that time has rather jaded my experience.

One other thing is that, try as we might not to, we buy and eat/drink far too much shite. It gets to the stage that by the 2nd of January I am heartily sick of beer/wine/sweets/biscuits/cheese (yes, even cheese) but I keep consuming because its there.

I get what you’re saying there.

Your NYE non-activity is and always has been the norm. For every person getting smashed in Brighton or at a packed party, most people like to do something quieter, whilst millions can’t wait to escape the UK by flight or Eurotunnel from Boxing Day onwards … to anywhere.

 

[LamieRobertson]

I lost my mum suddenly on NYE 2012. You never really get over it but it gets easier to celebrate without feeling guilty. Having said that I never really liked NYE before, much preferring to go for a quiet drink with Mrs H the night before or after (or preferably both).

As for Christmas, I used to enjoy it when I was young but for 25-odd years we had to have the in-laws to us (no-one else in the family would ever offer and so we were "expected to"). Coupling that with working shifts for most of that time has rather jaded my experience.

One other thing is that, try as we might not to, we buy and eat/drink far too much shite. It gets to the stage that by the 2nd of January I am heartily sick of beer/wine/sweets/biscuits/cheese (yes, even cheese) but I keep consuming because its there.

All down to your own circumstances isn’t it…..i now don’t have any in-laws….parents have passed and my sister is the only one remaining …so I value the time I get to spend with her, which will be Boxing Day …then I have my own grown up children/grandkids …the latter being of an age where Christmas is still magical … we get together for the day including their mum (my ex) and have a good time …giving/sharing.

Fortunately I don’t have to work shits over that period….which helps …I’ll be at work a few days after Xmas,so won’t be tempted to binge on food/drink etc …I don’t drink that much anyway ..and want to be fully with it to enjoy games etc.

All different…but as of now I look forward to it …maybe this year will be a good one for you.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

i will be getting turned over and arguing with anyone who can be bothered .....dont take it personally ...xx 3 weeks off means i get to spend money on booze food and ammo....tsk..!!

If you fancy a punch up, PM me x

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Here's a message for people who are expecting a nice Christmas. Enjoy it. Why not? If you have family, be warm for them. I'm 65 and will be doing what I can to put a smile on the faces of my family. I can wallow in my own miasma at a later date. FFS.

 

[Cotton Socks]

Sorry about that but it wasn’t the point I was making - My Mum is dying she isn’t dead and I don’t feel ‘guilty‘ for being too seriously ill myself to to travel or too sick to ‘celebrate’. I did explain in an earlier post, laying myself open but it was met with virtual ‘silence’, clearly no sympathy and ‘there’s a lot of miserable bastards around’ - so my interest in ‘sharing’ has gone and I would advise people who feel very vulnerable for whatever reason, to think carefully about being too open on an internet forum.

Edit - I thought NSC was a place that people could feel comfortable sharing stuff and it was really helpful for me when I was in hospital for so many months but not any more - sorry.

NSC is a place to feel comfortable sharing stuff, you will always get people who don't 'read the room'. In this case Spence was one, but @happypig was trying to help. Nuances are hard to pick up in 'text' & not everyone goes through all the posts in detail. People will only say things in a personal reply if they feel they have something to contribute. It's horrible hearing that people are going through a tough time but there would be no point in every single one of us replying 'sorry to hear that' on every other persons posts. It's a place to rant, if people can help they will, don't take it personally.